Teach a girl to fish…

Blasted video bowling.  Boblian got a Wii for the kids for Christmas. We have been “trying it out” almost nightly since Wednesday.  My left butt cheek is not accustomed to my super top secret bowling lunge, and started giving me fits on Thanksgiving Day.  Still, I continued to bowl in my living room.  Now its not just my tushy, but my knee that does not agree with my new virtual sport lifestyle.  I bought a Wii Fit - and have yet to open it as I am not sure my WiiKnee can handle it…..

So Boblian and I go grocery shopping today.  I wear these 2inch thick souled flip flops, not because I like to pretend like I’m taller (which would actually improve my BMI if I could use my height in those shoes with the weight for calculation), but because I thinks my ass and WiiKnee might feel better with all the cushion under me.  So we shop, are loading the car, and this freakin’ asshat about 5 parking spots down lauches a shopping cart toward the “return cart here” area but doesn’t watch it land.  It takes a hard right turn, as most shopping carts do when no one is steering, and is heading right for the back of this brand new car.  Now I am not a slender woman. Nor are my motor skills as athletically honed as my  brain may think.  So some how, I get my 200lb  body moving, in flip  flops, in the  general direction of the run  away cart.  I swear it was like slow motion, and I got to the cart with literally 1/8 of an inch before it would have hit.  All I could imagine was that my ass looked like my aunt’s at Thanksgiving running to get the ham outta the oven.  I could feel the waves in my fat subsiding as I came to the screeching halt where the cart was destined to meet the back of that car..  I COULD FEEL IT!  Disgusting. I turned around to see if Boblian was watching.  He wasn’t watching, he was laughing hysterically at my gianormo butt skip WiiKnee limp hustle.  The laughter increased as I hobbled back to the car like a pirate with a wooden leg.  Whatever…..

Needless to say, I should be on the treadmill in the morning.  I hope my body parts are up for it.  If not, at least I will get up early and get my food cooked.  Oh joy!

Dear me, how did you manage to eat enough food over the weekend to gain your 3 pounds back? INCONCEIVABLE!  Note to self - WTF?  You glad you had no will power? Enjoy the taste of those 5000 calories - PER DAY?  Wasn’t enough to have to work them off the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time?  Are you nuts?  You wanna play this game through all of 2009 too? You better pull your head out and step up. This is ridiculous!

Okay… now thats outta the way I gotta get back on track.  FINALLY did day 3 of week 1 on C25K.  Got up with Boblian, made him breakfast, and hit the treadmill.  I love having it done before my day “begins”.  Why can’t staying on track with food on the weekends feel that rewarding? Then maybe I would do it. Ack… whatever… today is a new day.

So I did a superman last night.  You know, where someone lays on their back on the floor and the other person stands at their feet, leans into their feet and the person laying down hold person number 2 in the air.  Yep, Boblian supermanned me.  I am the fattest, gasiest superman alive.  It was flippin hilarious.  It’ll be a lot more fun for both of us when I weigh 150.  I think I actually heard his knees scream.  He wanted to wrestle light night, I was a pinch in overtired weepy land.  We compromised and decided on attempting the superman.  The guttural laughter and physical strain was a good cure for both of our moods.  I slept well after a good giggle!

Welp, done with sporadic blogging for the moment.  Gotta go earn those duckets!

I did it! Completed W1D2 of C25k which I think should be Cigarette to 5 K for me as it was apparent today that my lungs remembered its only been 2 months since I quit. Even with the labored breathing, the workout seemed (dare I say!!!!!!) easier today? Or less dreaded? Or faster? I don’t know. Something was different. All I know is that I LIVE FOR THE 90 seconds of walking in between the 60 second jog spots. I love 90. Its my new favorite number. It lets me breathe, it slows my mind, it make me feel safe. Te Amo, 90. Te Amo.

Todays luck SCALE LOTTO NUMBER IS……… 196.4! DIG IT! Thats 3 lb since last Friday’s WI and 5 since since Sunday cuz I ate myself up by 2lbs over the weekend! TOM is here today too. So I am definitely bucking the system at the moment. Hope it continues. Gotta go do work now. BooHoo. Back later.

Random thoughts of a 37 year old.

with absolutley zero complaints. My official weigh in days are Fridays. Last Friday was 199.4 (however sunday was 201something) so 196.6 is fabuloso in my book. Although if I lean Juuuuuuust right onmy scale I can get it to give me 196.4

I will eat my healthy stuff again today and see what happens tomorrow. I dont know why it took me so long to go back to the foods that I know work for me. No red meat (or only couple meals a week), 1/2 cup carb with 2oz protien for breakfast and 2 snacks, 2oz protien - 1/2 cup carbs - mass veggies or monster salad for lunch and dinner, and popcorn (full butter, full salt!) for night time snack. Its my 6 week body make over foodie plan. I dont do the rest of it, and bought the thing when it first came out (still on VHS). I make it so hard on myself to get through the 1st few days, but once I’m there…. dang! I still cheat occasionally, but try to stay with the better for me choices and ALWAYS skip the french fries, no matter how bad the rest of the food is for me.

Okay so it’s Thursday, got a slew of work to do and need to dump the non work crap outta my head here so I can concentrate. Will be back later or tomorrow to address some of this stuff.

1. Get Macy’s card from BF’s hiding spot - with or without him knowing - must buy new pans for Christmas among other fabulous sales items.
2. Need to set up a C25K podcast for myself
3. Get to store for ingredients to grabthebulls chicken salad stuff
4. Work on handmade card sets
5. Make Christmas list for those not getting card sets
6. Get budget planned
7. Vacuum house
8. Get up bonuses for mini weight loss goals.

More stuff in my head but the work crowd is filtering in. Time to run! Back later!

This must be de ja voodoo.   Last time I tried to get my tired, over fed, under exercised arse in gear, I signed up on this blog.  I started eating better. I began to exercise. And it all just so happened to start while Biggest Loser was on. Coinkydink… I think not.  My BF however, went all balls to the wall too (as he is doing now) and became this superdemon uber encourager that liked to 20 question me into psychosis and scream (loving of course) for me to KEEP FREAKIN GOING! Due to his trainer-like antics and well balanced blend of hell spawn and lover man, I named him Boblian - half Bob/half Jillian.

Tonight as I was finishing my cool down after completing W1D1 of C25K (yay me!)  I put my hands on the grip on the treadmill.  With almost cat like reflexes his head spun around and in a voice I’ve not heard in the better part of 8 months he says, “Get your hands off of there! Noooooowwwwwwwww!”

Welcome back, Boblian. Welcome back.

Thank you Jesus!  I thought for SURE those two naughty chicken tacos were gonna do me in number wise.  Eating my planned stuff earlier in the day must have paid off!

I had an adrenaline rush yesterday that shocked me.  Maybe it was more like an adrenaline crescendo. It started when BF called me after work from the grocery store and had that “I feel like eating out tonight” tone.  My heart jumped a pinch.  So my mouth, without consulting my brain, formed the words “I could go get us something”.  At that point I think BF’s heart jumped.  Do you know that I smiled and sang all the way to the fricken fast food place.  I rolled up, I ordered, and I hummed along to the radio as I waited patiently in line.  It was a damn eternity. But when the chicken tacos crossed the plane between the take out window and into the car window, I swear, I felt euphoric.  It was almost scary.  It was a horrible revelation that this type of feeling about chicken in greasy corn tortillas is probably the exact reason I weigh eleventybillion pounds.  And its not just chicken tacos that make me feel that way.  The thought of having pizza, or spaghetti, bread or potato anything,.  Good Lord.   As I passed the tacos across the front of my face to set them on the seat next to me I actually think my eyes softly fell shut so that my sense of smell could give full attention to the tacos without my sight taking up any brain resources.  Oh what a sad sad reality.  Food is my high.

Unfortunately, my grapefruit and 1/2 a turkey patty did not draw out the same reaction….  However the thought of my first cup of coffee…. hold on…. yep it is everything I had hoped!

So I did not exercise last night, but will do W1D1 of C25k today. Fully intended to download a podcast for it but some how ended up scrubbing the kitchen for 2 hours while waiting for biggest loser to start. Don’t ask me how there are dishes to do when we ate out.  It drive me nucking futs and I think I need to learn how to cook because the deal now…. (BF cooks, I clean up) is kinda a raw one because he simply has to make dinner.  One time a day.  The “clean up” tends to be of all things that end up in the sink, even if “dinner” never touched them. For example, morning cereal bowls, the kids water bottles, the mat that someone cut up fruit on for their lunch, the pb&j cover knife.  Poor me, woe is me, and blah blah blah.  Okay. I’m over it. I STILL DONT LIKE IT! But I’m over it.

Welp, gearing up for another day as a government employee who is waiting to see what the eternal budget cuts result in.  Who knows, I may be able to blog all day soon.  Hope not.  Have a good one~!

I guess some things have changed, or that section of my brain that stored the comprehension of posting here is some how gone, because apparently I forgot to PUBLISH yesterdays stuff yesterday. So no worries, I am not weighing every three hours and posting, or peeing, weighing and reposting. I simply got confused.

I am exceptionally tired today. Possibly due to lower calories than I expected? Anywho… I over slept this morning and missed my 15 minute work out and just realized I didn’t do last nights either. Crap! TOM is on the way and I was definitely experiencing my preTOM weep moment last night. BF kinda just stares at me in awe because I’m not pissy, or necessarily sad, I just kind of cry through conversations. Its very twilight zone. No wonder the poor men in our lives get confused (not that THEY are any better for our sense of life direction with them).

I have about 25% of my water down and already feel like I am swimming from the inside out. I will say that I do crave water now since I have been getting my 64 oz in a day. On weekends when I am not forced to stare at a bottle of it at my desk, I do wander to the barley pops more readily. But they’re made with water, right?

Okay, so real excited about todays number… and (i have to sneak this in here because BF will go ballistic if he sees me making ANOTHER spreadsheet about my theoretical weight loss or debt repayment ~ whatever) if I lose 2 lbs per week I will be at my goal weight of 150 by the first week of May AND in time to pick out a bathing suit before they are all picked over!!! Woohoo! You may remember I LOVE to fish (crazy, I know) and every year BF and I fish a derby in Havasu. Its usually in the middle of May. PERFECT! I want 150 so bad for 2009 girls. I can just remember how fat I thought I was when I weighed 150 and what fool I was. Now that I am older and removed the deceptive youthy convoluted mindsets, I would love to rock a curvy healthy body and outweigh the girls at the river (that are built like 12 year old boys ) by 30 to 50lbs. Ah… dreams….

I am SOOOO glad the number started with a “1″! I logged all my food today. I got 15 minutes in on the treadmill this morning… and work has me emotionally exhausted. I am going to do 15 min tomorrow morning.

I appreciate the comments ladies! Its good to be back here (Round - glad your refocusing too!) I am already ready for bed and hope to get a few minutes tomorrow to go see what everyone else has been up to!

night!

It’s been, I don’t know, 6 months or better since I’ve been here. Heck, maybe longer, but its time to have this place to share again, with others, or even just myself. I see my sign on still works, but had to recreate my blog. Should kept going and I wouldn’t be here babbling right now trying to figure out how to start again Love the forum, just needed to spill in more detail so I could go back and laugh and cry and whatever. So starting with the facts:

37 years old, great live in BF of almost 2 years, 1 DS (19), 3 step (kinda) kids (9,7,4).

Quit smoking 9/22/08. 199lbs last WI (11/14/08). 201.4 3 minutes ago. Haven’t lived in the 180s for at least 2 years. Haven’t lived at a healthy weight in closer to 7 years. Gotta pull my head out. All of the tell tale signs of “crossing my fat threshold are back; hip and arms going numb at night, acid reflux is back, pee when I sneeze (I hate that one), up twice a night to pee (Hate that too but at least I’m even drinking water), and the number on the scale is a gamble lately… moving in the wrong direction.

Weigh in for the last year has been uneventful and sadly, undisturbing, as I knew what to expect.. 19something. But lately, its a gamble. Will it start with a 2? Will it start with a 1? Will it start with a 2? Will it start with a 1? I am playing with fire… and I’m tired. so…

I am enjoying a cold beer, blogging for the last day that the number will start with a 2. Well… it may tomorrow because o’ the beer, but the next day for surely will be better. Right? Ughh….

’so why the beer you whining wanna be skinny self sabotaging virtual girl?’ you might ask… VERITAS. Latin for “truth”. In greek mythology is the goddess of truth. To romans, it is a virtue. Tonight, to me, it is the words that create the moster tatoo that my 19 years son showed up with. Tatooed on his side from his armpit down his rib cage to his hip bone. This is the 6′3″, 230lb kid who is scared of getting stung by a bee. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Nope thats the truth…. VERITAS. It doesn’t look bad. It cant be seen unless shirtless, and at least its not a naked girl riding a beer can. I am still in disbelief…. just one of those mom moments that never cross your mind and then suddenly its in your face. Cheers

So while we are the theme of truths, here are some of mine that I like ignore and that have probably contributed to my “gluteus gigante” thats my latin for giant ass.

1. I love (almost romantically…) to plan, and not do - which equals “I can tell you exactly how much I should weigh the 12th of Never if I lose 2.3 lbs per week for 4 weeks and then 1 lb per week for 4 weeks and what my BMI will be on every odd day of every 3rd week and so on.” and also makes me a fantastic management employee

2. I will always cave to fast food, or homemade carbs.

3. I have an extensive wardrobe of expensive clothes that should be fine for sizes 16 down to 8 but haven’t seen the 12’s, 10’s, or 8’s that live in the storage containers under my bed for 4 years. The 14’s that have buttons where the thread has streched almost 1/2 inch off course get some attention on my skinny days. Translated - I continue to by more and more size 16 stuff.

4. I hate exercise. It hates me. We have a mutual relationship.

I think you get the picture. I want to be healthy. I don’t want to have to exert any energy to get there. None. not one minute. Items 1 through 4 are plan A, and its not working too well (although I can say I have worked the plan consistently for at least 8 months).

So its time for a plan B. Gonna keep it simple to start.

1. log what I eat daily, here, for the next 30 days

2. Weigh in daily for the next 30 days, weekly after that

3. Exercise 3X week at least 30 minutes. Get through first 3 weeks of that - reassess on 12/6/08.

There it is. Hope it will be a lot more successful than plan A. Looking forward to signing on again tomorrow and cringing at what I have committed to. Night world.