Teach a girl to fish…

and she’ll eat ‘em all fried… part duex.

Sad empty wagon train May 18, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 9:28 pm

There are at least a dozen wagons I have fallen off of in my life. The marriage wagon. the church attendance wagon. the non-smoking wagon. the debt-free wagon. The college degree wagon. The see-the-doctor-regularly wagon. You get the picture.

For the most part, after falling out, I have picked myself up, dusted off, and ran after the the darn thing to get back on. I have succeeded in most cases. I have the boarding passes to prove it! A wonderful husband. A master’s degree. A year smoke free. Okay, I still have a few to find a seat on again but I have at least run beside them once or twice since falling.

The saddest wagon of all, however, is the weight loss wagon. And it’s more of a train circling a place called “healthy”with cars you move through as you work your way to the conductors seat. My cars include hydration, supplements, diet, cardio, strength training, support, personal bests, confidence….. Etc. It’s fast, and if you miss it today you try again in an hour, or tomorrow. The fact of the matter is, the longer I wait to step on, the more cars get attached and the more expensive the ride. As I get older, the faster I want to get to my destination but the slower I move through the cars.

Im buying a fresh ticket today. Its too important not to. I’m 45 days from 42. I’m gonna turn this thing around right now, and get back on track.

On vacation, which means poor eating choices for last 3 days. Can’t wait to get home tomorrow, and then have another week off to get on track before I add the stress of work back in. I was back up to my January 1st 2013 weight of 217 a few days ago. I’m probably more now. Its my all time high on the scale. I am committing to exercise, write, and stay tuned in to my W.O.W. forums girls. I have also sigend up for the 3FC biggest loser challenge beginning tomorrow. I hope to lose 30 lbs in 6 weeks and am going to follow the old faithful slim in 6 to get there. Wish me luck! Gotta figure out how to get out of my own way this time!

 

6lbs in week 1 January 9, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 8:08 pm

So a quick post to remind myself what happens when I pay attention!

My hubby bought me a bodymedia fit for Christmas. It keeps me updated on steps, sleep, calories burned and number of minutes of various levels of activity. I have been juicing two to three times a day and eating a sensible dinner. I have slept better, had more energy, and feel like I can concentrate better. My job, which normally sends me into anxiety attacks, has been good. Today, was freaking great!

I just feel good. Have made a good drop, and wanted to get it here before I forgot! Gonna go make some morning juice and will be back tomorrow for some fun posting!

 

Back to it January 6, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 3:38 pm

Yep. Tomorrow I go back to work after a week plus hiatus. I have taken full advantage of sleeping in and its going to bite me in the arse tomorrow. I am going to watch the Biggest Loser tonight. That is going to bite me in the arse tomorrow. I really continually wish that I was just independantly wealthly. If I don’t get my head out of the clouds… its going to bite me in the arse tomorrow.

I’m having a hard time “liking” my job. I used to love it. I put myself through school, and into debt, to get my masters degree to have it. Now that its mine, there are days (more often than not) that the money doesn’t matter. I have anxienty that doesn’t seem to leave, even when I am sleeping. Especially when I should be sleeping. I am a 41 year old woman running a dominately “male” world. I have clawed my way to the top over 14 years. When I arrived, I had to wonder if I was too eager. I am a director of a 75 person department with 10 division and 95% of my staff are incredibile. Its the 5% that shake me to the core. Therein lies the problem. It sounds stupid, and I am not intending to whine, but there are days that managing things rather than people sounds SOOO enticing. How did I end up on this topic? Oh, yeah… back to it, back to work.

Think I’ll go find something uplifting to read or watch relight my fire (and shake the funk). It is a new year… and my first day of work I should return shining. Night blog world.

 

Real Life

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 8:53 am

My New Years Reset button didn’t come with batteries…. or instructions. But there is progress in the first 6 days of the year.

To begin, we have a new member of the family:

and it produces daily doses of these:

which has resulted in this:
Weigh in on 1/1/13 217.4 lbs Weigh in on 1/6/13 211 lbs 6.4 lbs down :)

I am looking forward to seeing what continuing this pattern will result in. I am also looking forward to figuring out how to get these darn word press posts to show up like I want them to!

Be back later. The perfectionist in me is not allowing me to post any further until I master the “PRESSING OF THE WORDS” :)

 

Resolutionitis 12/29/12 December 29, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 5:36 pm

I am officially overwhelmed and suffering from “resolutionitis”. Its that mental flare up at the end of the year that gives you super human determination to complete everything you ever thought you wanted to do in your life, plus 5 things you don’t (but since someone else talked about doing it you suddenly want to too). I can see the multiple lists. They are long, and organized, and in special fonts to be extra motivating. Nothing better than crossing through a groovy font.

Here’s what I’m thinking:

Books to be read

Hikes to tackle

Crafts to complete

Home Projects

You get the picture. So what is it about the end of the year that makes these feel like they suddenly have new life? Is it the END of the year or the START of the next? Because there are beginnings and endings to all kinds of moments. Days. Weeks, Months, Quarters, why wait unitl the “New Year?” Sometimes I thnk its the permission to overindulge on New Years Eve (and possibly even Christmas even and for me…. even as far back as Thanksgiving) so that on that magic day…. January 1st…. I can easily set the RESET button.

Now on January 1st, in my head, the house will miraculously clean itself, have fresh paint, new carpet and the plants outside…. well they will be there. I will be instantly skinny and everything in my closet will fit fantastically. My bills will only a small inconvenience to my overflowing bank account, and I will be able to eat pasta and carbs for every meal to fuel my marathon running habits. Yep, thats pretty much what it feels like on 12/29/12.

 

Sometimes “Thank You” August 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 6:57 pm

would be nice to hear. Not that I deserve it for doing dishes, or laundry, or working 15 hour days for a week straight or made sure the bills got paid even though we are down one paycheck. Just because.

Little bit pissy tonight. Little bit pity party tonight. Apparently I am getting the silent treatment. Super. Not sure why but I’m pretty sure its big if it outweighs all the shit I have done for the last 5 years to keep this household running.

Maybe it just equates to early bed time. I think I’ll test the theory!

Weighed in at 203.6 today…. which is my goal for the upcoming Sunday. If I can hold, it will be a successful week!

 

In case I forgot…. August 19, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 1:15 pm
Reread my previous posts. Pulled some telling one liners out. This is really just a “remember” why and what you’ve learned moment. 4 years doesnt have to be all for not if I can pull something from it. Here’s what hit me:
*I would love to rock a curvy healthy body and outweigh the girls at the river (that are built like 12 year old boys ) by 30 to 50lbs.
*Food is my high.
*I bore myself saying “I’ll start tomorrow”
*I dont know why it took me so long to go back to the foods that I know work for me.
*I have 106 days left until I turn 40 and I can’t waste any more time.
*So need to pay attention to food this week, choices and portions and times. Get my water in.
Get my vitamins down.
*Try to hear myself, screaming to commit to me rather than letting all other parts of life come first. I am truly blessed in so many ways, but ignoring my issues (smoking, no exercise, minimal sleep, poor diet) are not helping me enjoy those blessings.
*I think I shall mourn the loss… but celebrate the life I give back to myself when I do.
*Gotta find positive ways to pull myself out.
*Feelings aren’t facts. I’m sure I’ve lost sight of how others are feeling and have pity partied myself into this funk. So out I come. Be the best mom, step mom, wife, boss and friend I can. If it falls short of expectations, that’ll just have to be good enough while I climb out.
*Ready to commit to something bigger then the rush right now.
*I am gonna go set up one new habit a week for the month
*If I ACT on my plans, hell if I HAD ACTED on my plans the last 3 years, I would be running marathons, growing a community garden, built the house of my dreams, and be debt free.
*I have to act.
*Instead what I have is true wealth in my life. An adoring hubby who gives me his best even when he has had just as long a day as I have. 4 kids who all love and test me in different ways. I have a wacky family and extended family that is happy to over fill my time with bbqs, roadtrips, vacations, swim sessions, birthdays, and mostly love. And I am employed, a bit of a luxury round these parts since the housing market collapsed. Never realized what a butterfly effect that would have on hubbys work, my work, prospects for moving, and credit ratings. No wonder I am eating myself silly.
*So here’s my plan: KISS (Kris Isn’t Starving Stupid)
  • Stick with 5 meals a day, smaller, protien at each, no complex carbs after lunch, whey shake after work outs
  • Water - 64 or more. No excuses, coffee does not count, get it done!
  • Daily Vitamin
  • Exercise: 3xWK Cardio for 30 minutes, 3xWK Strength - one challenge to completion (more on this later)
  • Daily Blog check in. Set aside 15 minutes and DO IT. GEEZ.
*I let the days run me lately, I don’t get to manage my time, I only react.
*I need to delegate some work. I need to get my supervisors on the same page in terms of how they manage discipline in their divisions. I need to learn that I am not the one that needs to find the solutions to their problems, they need to come to me with solutions. One day at a time. I need to plan down time to think and schedule. I say ”yeah, I’ve got a minute” way too often. I need to let other people handle their stuff. (DECEMBER 2010)
*I also need to put priority on the “fun” part of life.
*And maybe more than fit at 40, I will be fullfilled at 40.
*Not giving up. Not giving in.
These are things that I need to engrain in my head. To know that I want it, I have always wanted it. I just need to make my actions match my words.
Going to put the computer down and try to get ahead on some work so tomorrow doesn’t drown me. First action to get my life back in control……
 

You are 4 years old. August 18, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 6:59 pm

Alright good intentions, cut the crap. We have been over this whole motivation, get healthy thing for the last time. I went back to the beginning, or the start of the history of this dang blog, and do you know what it said…. November 16, 2008. Know what else it said? “6 months ago or better”. Its freaking August 18, 2012. You are at LEAST 4 years old. You should be doing something by now, walking, feeding yourself properly, sleeping through the night. What the hell is going on? Why can’t you be like normal good intentions that turn into actions and then grow up into results? This is pathetic. You lied to me. You teased me with 183 a year ago, but today…. really? 205.6. You cheated on me. I hope it was good, because that was your last tryst with your fat friend. Let’s try this one more time.

199 205.6 still, some more, again… November 16, 2008 8/18/2012

It’s been, I don’t know, 6 11 months or better since I’ve been here. Heck, maybe longer, but its time to have this place to share again, with others, or even just myself. I see my sign on still works, but had to recreate my blog. Should kept going and I wouldn’t be here babbling right now trying to figure out how to start again Love the forum, just needed to spill in more detail so I could go back and laugh and cry and whatever. So starting with the facts:

37 41 years old, great live in DH of almost 2 years, 1 DS (19), 3 step (kinda) kids (9,7,4). 3 years, 1 DS (23), 3 stepkids (12,10,7).

Quit smoking 9/22/08 5/25/12. 205.6lbs last WI (11/14/08). 08/18/12 201.4 3 minutes ago. Haven’t lived in the 180s for at least 6 years. Haven’t lived at a healthy weight in closer to 7 9years. Gotta pull my head out. All of the tell tale signs of “crossing my fat threshold are back; hip and arms going numb at night, acid reflux is back, pee when I sneeze (I hate that one), up twice a night to pee (Hate that too but at least I’m even drinking water), and the number on the scale is a gamble lately… moving in the wrong direction.

Weigh in for the last year has been uneventful and sadly, undisturbing, as I knew what to expect.. 19something. But lately, its a gamble. Will it start with a 2? Will it start with a 1? Will it start with a 2? Will it start with a 1? I am playing with fire… and I’m tired. so…

I am enjoying a cold beer, blogging for the last day that the number will start with a 2. Well… it may tomorrow because o’ the beer, but the next day for surely will be better. Right? Ughh….

’so why the beer you whining wanna be skinny self sabotaging virtual girl?’ you might ask… VERITAS. Latin for “truth”. In greek mythology is the goddess of truth. To romans, it is a virtue. Tonight, to me, it is the words that create the moster tatoo that my 19 years son showed up with.(Kid is 23 and now has 3 giant tattooes) Tatooed on his side from his armpit down his rib cage to his hip bone. This is the 6′3″, 230lb kid who is scared of getting stung by a bee. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Nope thats the truth…. VERITAS. It doesn’t look bad. It cant be seen unless shirtless, and at least its not a naked girl riding a beer can. I am still in disbelief…. just one of those mom moments that never cross your mind and then suddenly its in your face. Cheers

So while we are the theme of truths, here are some of mine that I like ignore and that have probably contributed to my “gluteus gigante” thats my latin for giant ass.

1. I love (almost romantically…) to plan, and not do - which equals “I can tell you exactly how much I should weigh the 12th of Never if I lose 2.3 lbs per week for 4 weeks and then 1 lb per week for 4 weeks and what my BMI will be on every odd day of every 3rd week and so on.” and also makes me a fantastic management employee (Still a dominant characteristic, obviously)

2. I will always cave to fast food, or homemade carbs. (Yep)

3. I have an extensive wardrobe of expensive clothes that should be fine for sizes 16 down to 8 but haven’t seen the 12’s, 10’s, or 8’s that live in the storage containers under my bed for 4 years. The 14’s that have buttons where the thread has streched almost 1/2 inch off course get some attention on my skinny days. Translated - I continue to by more and more size 16 stuff. (Yep, yep)

4. I hate exercise. It hates me. We have a mutual relationship. (Started to see it as tolerable, bought Jillian Michaels Body Revolution, completed weeks 1 & 2, sent those to a friend and now need them back. May also be back to hate/hate relationship.)

I think you get the picture. I want to be healthy. I don’t want to have to exert any energy to get there. None. not one minute. Items 1 through 4 are plan A, and its not working too well (although I can say I have worked the plan consistently for at least 4 years and 8 months).

So its time for a plan B. Gonna keep it simple to start.

1. log what I eat daily, here, for the next 30 days

2. Weigh in daily for the next 30 days, weekly after that

3. Exercise 3X week at least 30 minutes. Get through first 3 weeks of that - reassess on 12/6/08.9/20/12.

There it is. Hope it will be a lot more successful than plan A. Looking forward to signing on again tomorrow and cringing at what I have committed to. Still True! Night world.

That is our new story. We will not have the same ending. So listen up intentions, you just got a new assignment, and its time to grow up! Go read the rest of your blog over…. write down your pitfalls and come back with a full report. DO IT!

 

Unglued September 6, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 9:05 pm

 

Picking myself back up September 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — fatnomo @ 7:28 pm

Thinking that I need a do over. Smoked 4 smokes - 3 Friday - 1 just now. Feeling empty and affection starved. Just a moment in time. Things will get better. Wanting to see some spark in my family. Guessing the only person I need to concern myself with is me. Wish I felt like a bigger part of things around me. Gonna get myself back on track. Gonna take effort. Need to shake the tears that come from no where or everywhere lately. Just need some peace and to feel like I have a sense of my worth to others. Driving those around me crazy trying to find their approval with me. Not happy about it, but can’t stay in this emotional hole I’m in. Gotta find positive ways to pull myself out. Old habits and old insecurities are drowning me. Will spend some time shaking this unexplicable crap.

Tomorrow - healthy food and small victories. Work is draining me. I have to do it. Trying to keep everyone please with me is draining me. So little stuff tomorrow. Water. simple. Vitamins. Simple. Focus. Not simple but not impossible. Tonight will just close the doors on the things that feel yucky. Feelings aren’t facts. I’m sure I’ve lost sight of how others are feeling and have pity partied myself into this funk. So out I come. Be the best mom, step mom, wife, boss and friend I can. If it falls short of expectations, that’ll just have to be good enough while I climb out.

Off to shower, and rest and gear up for a brand new day tomorrow.

 

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