A broad broad abroad

Actually, I’m taking a break.

My kitchen scale broke, so micromanaging my food wasn’t an option. My oldest son has been home with man-flu, so keeping on top of fitday and blogging while working wasn’t an option. We’re going on vacation next week, so I have another excuse to be too busy to manage my enthusiasm for fitday and blogging.

The scale is fixed, but the kid is still home with a fever in the hopes he’ll be healthy enough for us to escape the snow here and head for warmer climates for a week. So I’ve been keeping lessons I’ve learned in the back of my mind - and blatantly ignoring some of them (macaroni and cheese, anyone?). But I’m still flatlined, and my goal is to come back from a week of all-included holiday-making at the same flatline, or lower. (Ok, I’ll be happy with the same line.)

Since apparently it’s cheaper to go online from the moon than from where I’m going, I won’t be posting, and comments might not be approved (I had 118 spam comments in the last two days alone! Should I be flattered?)

But I’ll be back in time for Lent. Even though I’m not Catholic it will be a good excuse to jump back on the bandwagon!

I’ve lost 10 pounds, and my weight seems to have stabilized. (Stabilized is a much more encouraging word than plateaued - which reminds me of high flat mountains with no way down.) No real change, just minor fluctuations up and down a few hundred grams, for about 5 days now.  My FitDay weight graph this week is flat as a pancake.

Besides the one donut, it’s been fresh foods, lots of salad, and chicken all week. Oh wait, the chicken came from kfc, though I over estimated the calories (I hope) and made it into a salad topping.

In any event, my caloric intake has consistently been about 500 calories below the fit day recommendations, though the week before they were about 100 calories under. Does my average weight really have a one week lag?

Oh well, chin up. I’m still down 10 pounds. The short-term goal is to not put on weight over the weekend with two celebrations. One coming back, wine and cheese party and a birthday party. (Must remember to buy lots of raw mushrooms and carrots to keep me from going crazy on the cheese.) And I’m still on track on the goal weight graph (although barely) and have been convinced to go back to the gym on Monday with a friend.

Deep breath.

This time of year is doughnut season. Here at least. What other countries may see all year long at places like Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme (which I saw for the first time in Kuwait of all places!) happens here in January/February with jelly filled, custard filled, alcohol-creme filled creations with everything from powdered sugar to extensively decorated glazed-sugar toppings.

I’m not really a sweets person. I prefer dark chocolate when I do splurge but don’t really feel the need to eat cakes or pies or candy. However, when people started posting photos of the newest decadent chocolate creme creations, I wanted one. I wanted one specific type: egg-nogg custard with glaze. I’m thinking this is a middle of the road version - not the traditional jelly with powdered sugar (on the lowest end of the calorie scale at about 280) or the monster chocolate creme eclair-type with three types of sugar decorations (at probably almost 500 calories).

Then someone else posted about the craving - and ways to find substitutes to fill that need. And I realized. No, I really wanted that stupid donut. Its not just a tradition this time of year, I didn’t want to “deprive” myself. And I didn’t feel that guilty about it as I’d been eating well for the past few days, basically “saving” my calories for dinner time with my kids.

So I did. I went out and bought that stupid doughnut. Well, and 5 more. Two chocolate ones for the kids that night, and three jelly ones for us each to have at breakfast (that slippery slope!).

I enjoyed that doughnut. I didn’t feel the urge afterwards to make a substitute. I didn’t feel deprived. I ate less rice with my meal. Though my calories were still higher than without they were still in an acceptable range. However, if I would have eaten the substitute, I would have (most likely) caved in and bought a doughnut sometime in the next two weeks. Doubling the splurge.

And I did feel a little guilty about getting a “lower calorie” doughnut for breakfast. I knew it was a Bad Idea. But the cat knew that as well. That little monster sacrificed himself by scratching open the box and pulling out one doughnut and destroying it. Karma is a bitch, or a gray housecat.

Weight loss has slowed to a crawl, and so have I. For the past week or so, my fingers and toes are cold and numb, I’m tired all the time, sleeping during the day and have had no motivation to work or get things done.

I KNOW I’m eating healthier than ever. I’ve got written proof through the food journals. This has happened before when I’ve started eating more “healthy” and felt worse for it, or put on weight. But I never had a record of my food intake before and was told it was all “in my head”.

I’ve even increased my calorie intake to “maintain mode” over the past 10 days and feel no better, actually I feel a bit worse! My calorie intake was never really low (less than 1300-1400) at any point, so that wasn’t the issue.

But at least I haven’t put on the firmly lost 4 kilos. Yet. And I’m starting to feel a bit better since I resumed vitamin D supplements. But I guess it’s time to head off to the docs to see if my Q10 supplements, fish oil or thyroid medicine is off.

sigh.

Back to the grindstone.  5 weeks to the day I woke up and realized something had to change, I’m down 3.9 kilos  Not quite a kilo a month, but after last week, heck, not as bad as I thought.

I just converted kilos to pounds and realized my first son weighed 3.9 kilos or or 8 pounds 9.5 ounces. I don’t know if that’s relevant or just weird to notice. But it puts me in at over a pound and a half a week loss.

Anyway - So now I’m back. Starting over. Reprogramming myself to not eat and not ‘want’ certain foods. And with new foods to not want.

Though I generally don’t have a sweet tooth, I’ve got this minor issue of a piece of chocolate I bought. (This may be my body rebelling because I started drinking diet coke again and now it wants sugar?).
This isn’t just any chocolate, it’s a rum-raisin nut chocolate I was introduced to 20 years ago. I’ve had two “servings” in the past few days, but I don’t know if I can resist the temptation to shove the whole thing in my mouth. I can’t give it to the kids, well, because it has rum in it. So I’ve just decided I’m going to pop it into the freezer.

I have also realized that flour-carbs (bread, noodles, pizza, naan) are bad things for my body. In that they are packed with calories in higher concentrations than they are worth and they always taste like MORE. The leftover beef stew with noodles - well I just may have to bite the bullet and throw it away. My kids aren’t huge stew fans and I’ll end up eating it otherwise…

Anyhow - as the flylady says - baby steps. I guess our whole lives are nothing but baby steps!

Starting a diet is apparently like quitting smoking. There’s never a “safe” time to do so. Trying to find that is setting up for failure.

I was a seriously heavy smoker of 20 years who only tried to quit twice - and that within one year. The first time it lasted for a week before I thought I could have “just one” now and again. Within a week I was chain smoking. A few months later I took the quit smoking seminar and that was it. Even through Thanksgiving and the holidays and other “trigger” times.

Serious dieting is probably the same for me. I tried Atkins once years ago, seriously hard core, and it worked. Though I can’t stomach the idea of eating that much meat again I’ve tried to “high protein” it a few times. With little success obviously.

But what I learned from stopping smoking, I’m trying to apply to changing my weight. It’s never the “right time”, there’s always a reason to slip, slipping once can easily become a habit (though, thankfully, less so than with nicotine!). It’s also been so easy to disassociate. To find reasons why I should be the exception to a sane lifestyle.

So I am learning the basics. Calories. Fiber. Vitamins. Health. Water. Learning that I don’t need a heavy dinner. Learning about my “regularity”. Thinking about my snacks. Thinking about my ratio of volume to calories. Thinking about my health. I am eating three meals a day - one being as full of salads and vegetables as I can deal with (not always much). Becoming aware and realizing a diet is not a punishment or a restriction and, like stopping smoking, I don’t need to fear it - I can embrace it.

A few factors kept the pizza day sane.

1) I slept in really late*, so didn’t have time for a big breakfast

2) I had a tomato soup when we got to the pizzaria (before most of the kids were there)

3) A pre-pizza (made while the kids were making theirs) meant I didn’t get hungry enough to make my own.

4) Italians run the place, the crust on the pizza is like paper. The toppings minimal.

But. There were leftovers. We had one extra pizza we brought home. A couple hours later, when the kids were playing Wii and almost ready for bed, I had just one more. Then another. Basically, I had half a cold pizza for dinner.

At the very least, I enjoyed the afternoon pizza experience with the kids, I didn’t deny myself, feel deprived or eat “differently” than they did - nor did I pig out at the restaurant.

Interestingly enough, the two most important of the issues above for me are that I didn’t deprive myself and that I didn’t eat differently than the kids. I want them to see me eating normally, not to see me eating differently than they do - neither gorging myself nor “dieting” but being healthy with what we all are having. I even had a small piece of the kiddos cake (he made it himself, and he’s a chocolate fan).

I did put everything in fitday to the best of my abilities. This also helped me keep my indulgences on Friday night and the weekend to more sane levels. And even though I lost it on a bit of pizza Saturday night, I managed to stay under my pre-fitday calorie days.

* Friday night I went out “big time” for me, hence the need for extra sleep and the desire for soup!

Monday, yes I weighed more. But Tuesday my weight was down again - 3 kilos to the gram from when I started. Progress!

My youngest son turned 11 the other day. His birthday dinner request? Pizza and snacks while playing a family game with his dad over. Well that’s all fine and dandy, I checked the calories on pizza ahead of time and figured our very thin crust pizzas here would be over, unfortunately, 200 calories a slice. And that was being generous.

So I kept that in mind but also didn’t want to skip the pizza or limit myself to one slice, feel deprived and “on a diet” so I dutifully ordered the pizzas, set up the games, I didn’t have time to peel and slice veggie snacks (something the kids like to munch on but I’m generally “too busy” cooking to do myself) but his dad did make tomato and mozzarella plates for us. Hm, a ‘vegetable’.

On a surprisingly positive note, I was satiated after two slices of pizza. There’ve been evenings I would have eaten twice that and not felt full. But I think my stomach is shrinking?

On a surprisingly less positive note, the next day I had pizza cravings. Leftover pizza was calling my name. It was like having had the ‘one cigarette’. That feeling of well, just a bit more pizza won’t hurt, but now I knew it would. And I did have one piece for lunch the next day. And it tasted like more. Thank goodness kiddo came home for lunch and had the last piece.

But this carried over into the evening as well. When I picked up other kiddo from his sports event I knew I had the choice of popping into the store for something to cook or, conveniently enough, getting kebabs to go from the local snack bar. The urge to get kebabs, even wrapped in tortillas instead of fluffy buns, was strong, and immediately approved of by the other kiddo.

And I ate the whole thing. I knew it was another step down a bad path but I did it anyway.

Afterwards, I didn’t feel full. I didn’t feel satisfied. I didn’t feel like beating myself up, but I felt, well, a little disappointed in the meal. And happy enough to make sure I had salad stuff in the house the next day.

His actual party is Saturday. Where? A real Italian pizzaria where the kids learn to make their own pizzas. Yes, I’m a fool. ha ha.

How many calories does one need to eat to be healthy and lose weight?

I’ve been tracking my calories, and came to the realization I was probably eating between 2500 and 3300 calories on many days last year. Doh.

That’s obviously too many. Just by writing them down, and becoming aware, I’ve been eating less. Last week I recorded between 1200 and 2100 a day.

I still don’t know, however, how many I should be eating. Fitday says I burn about 2500 a day just by being me. Well, 2400 if I’m walking around a bit, 2600 if I’m “mostly seated”. err. That’s a 200 calorie difference right there! I have no idea if I’m considered “normally active” or “moderately active” or “sedentary”. I work from home, but I’m up doing the laundry, the dishes or wandering into the kitchen (haha) a lot. I ride my bike to the store, but it’s only two blocks away.

Somewhere on youtube is a gorgeous woman in her mid-40s who said pick your goal weight (in pounds) add a zero and that’s how many calories you should be eating. Then she showed a fairly healthy looking day’s supply of food (yogurt and salad and salmon and even a glass of wine!) for 1300 calories. However, she looked like she was a bit less than 130 pounds! (I need to bookmark things, I know)

Anyway, I’m going to aim for keeping it under 1800 for now. Less if I can, but more than 1100.

(Rhetorical) Question of the day - Is a fear of the body going into starvation mode and hoarding all my calories if I eat less than 1500 calories justified? Or an excuse?

I’ve counted carbs before. Piece of cake! Just don’t eat them! When I did Aktins 12 kilos melted away. But eating nothing but meat, bacon, eggs and lettuce got old. I’ve actually always had vegetarian leanings and only like good quality meat on occasion. With the exception of bacon, but who doesn’t love bacon?

But it was easy. No thinking involved. At a burger joint? Throw away the bun. In a restaurant? Order steak. Breakfast? Bacon and eggs!

The downside, besides getting sick of meat, add carbs and all that fat combines with it to stick to you. Try eating “normally” and your (well at least my) body pounces on the carbs and jealously stockpiles them, on your hips, thighs, stomach. And a taste for fatty foods that develops on a low carb diet stays. Sandwich? Why yes, with salami, mayo and lettuce, please. Not remembering that those 2 slices of bread holding it together is the kiss of weightloss death.

I’ve never counted calories before. I wanted to once. At about 16 I read a calorie-limited diet in a teen magazine and wanted to start it, but my mother flat out refused to buy the (few) foods on the list saying she wasn’t going to let me make myself sick by not eating enough. (We can get to mother issues another time, haha).

Anyway, counting calories always seemed so difficult, requiring an obsessive memorization of foods. How on earth could I know how many calories were in school lunch? Or, later, at the cafeteria or work cafe? How big is a portion of pasta? or meat?

I suppose I have just dated myself. Yes, I grew up before the Internet was a part of daily life. Before fast-food joints put calories on the burger wrappers or on-line for all the world to see.

It is so easy now. Instant Internet access everywhere. I can even take a photo of my food at a restaurant on my phone so I can at least generally figure out the calories and portions when I get home. And living in a country where cooking ingredients are weighed, not measured by volume, it was cheap and easy to get a kitchen scale and throw the food on there before eating it. Everyone thinks it’s for baking. haha.

There are, now, no excuses.