Well I didn’t start out on Saturday very well. I walked an hour, drank my water, but eat a few to many calories. Sunday was a big fat loser day didn’t do anything. So I guess I will start fresh today.

Tomorrow its my sons birthday he will be 14 and we are having Pizza and Cake and Ice Cream at the park. Then Sunday the 24th is my husbands birthday and we are going out to Wendover to spend the night alone, with all that free booze and food to eat. I am in trouble! Maybe I will try to resist eating anything bad for me tomorrow. Here’s crossing my fingers.

GOING TO MAKE IT!

Well I didn’t make it to the next round, it doesn’t surprise me.

What does suprise me is my inablity to lose weight and keep it off. Its like my body says “you are doomed to be fat just suck it up” I think if I am totally honest with myself I haven’t really ever stuck with it long enough without cheating to know so I am going to give me a one week challenge. For one week I will stick to under 1800 calories and walk for 1 hour a day and drink 1 gallon of water. I am going to write down one weeks worth of meals and stick to what it says I can have for the day. I want to see if I can get under 250 or even if the scale goes down! If I honestly can say I gave 100% and nothing changed I am going to go talk to my doctor about getting my stomach staple.

2.6lbs gained

Today was the weigh in for the biggest loser challange, and I gained 2.6 lbs.  I am hoping that some others will have gained more or don’t show up to the weigh in, so I can go on by default. That is awful of me to say but hey I’m only human. I knew April sucked, but I didn’t think it sucked that bad. All I can do is get back on the wagon and keep truckin. I still want my shoes and to buy them I have to lose 20 lbs so that is goal.

I am so sick of the rain! I am going to have to go back to using the treadmill yuck!

This is what I will look like 50lbs lighterThis is what I will look like when I lose 50 lbs Man I have curves LOL

It’s been awhile seen I last wrote, not sure why I haven’t maybe because I am ashamed of not doing well on the diet and exercise thing. Saturday the 2nd is the next weigh in and I don’t think I have lost an ounce  Crying It really is my fault I just haven’t had any desire to continue on. I have a problem whenever I get going good on this whole weight loss thing, I sabotage myself. I don’t think I mean to do it on purpose. I can’t figure out why I do it either, isn’t that the damnest thing to do to yourself, maybe I need a shrink Lol.  Could it be I am afraid of what I will look like? Rolling Eyes  Or could it be I don’t think I will be able to keep it off, so why go through all the hard work? And just maybe could it be the fear if men foundme attractive will I be faithful to my dear husband? I have known a lot of women who have got some work done(boob jobs) and then decided they didn’t want to be with their husbands anymore, and what that does to their husbands and kids. Not saying my marriage sucks, he is a fine husband, and I love him dearly, but I have never been attractive to anyone besides him. I guess the only why to find out what my fear is is just to do it. LOSE THIS WEIGHT

GOING TO MAKE IT! Too Happy 1 

Weekend update

Friday my walk in the rain was great! It felt refreshing. Then I went up to my moms and eat a little to much lunch, but I had a very small taste of dinner that night.

Saturday I spent the day cleaning the twins room 🙁 just to clean it took me 1 1/2 hours, then I decided to bunk their beds to give them more room in there. That was a work out another 1 1/2.  I decide to play with a photo of myself to see if I could make it look like I was slimmer. I think it turned out ok for my try. If I can figure out how to but it on here I will. Just don’t look to close LOL.

Sunday I spent the morning playing somemore on my photo, then decided I wanted to print it out so I took my SD card and walked to the store to develop it. Which then lead me to walk up to moms for our weekly dinner, it took me about 1 hour and 15 mins. Good day. LOL

No more

No more pity parties, I did this to myself I will be the only one that can get rid of it, food will never taste as good as thin will feel. I am so tired of hurting, my hip hurts, legs, feet, and the feeling of not worth it in my heart. It has to stop now! So I am off for a walk! In the rain LOL

GOING TO MAKE IT!

Pity Party for me!

Ok so today I had a pity party for myself, I took some photos of myself and oh my heck!!! I didn’t think I was that large. So I eat every thing I could get my hands on and then I went for the beer. Damn why do I do this? I don’t think I will every be a normal size person, don’t think it is possibly!

While I managed to drop 4 of those pounds I gained over Easter weekend. I probably could have dropped more, if we hadn’t had a freak snow storm come in, dropped nearly a foot of snow. There is supposed to more coming this evening also. Today is going to be a bad day, I have to go to a birthday party for my nephews, and two cousins. We are going to the movies, and then out for ice cream, two of my favorite things in the world! Maybe if I keep away form the popcorn at the movies I will allow myself to have some ice cream.

My hip still gives me pain, I know if I could get this weight off I wouldn’t hurt so much. Sometimes I don’t feel like it is worth all the work. Not when it is so **** easy to put it back on. Maybe it is the fear of being thinner. I don’t know why I’m having doubts again.

GOING TO MAKE IT!!!!

 

I didn’t make my goal yesterday of staying on plan I Can't. I ate way to much at the Easter party. Today startes a new week and I better week, I have to or I won’t make it through the next weigh in.  Found a route around my neighbor hood that takes me about 30 mins. to walk so my goal is to walk that three times a day. 

GOING TO MAKE IT! yes 

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