It’s still all about the come back.

My lifestyle has changed since the new year.  I am commuting by car instead of bike to a suburb where i bring bags and bags of materials in for teaching…. cycling is not really an option.  Included in my nice car experience is that i can easily DRIVE to the grocery store and buy whatever i want…. including chocolate, jujubes, pizza, ice cream.  Yup.  I am no longer walking everywhere… just to save time… which in turn i am not saving my body.  This whole transition from student to teacher has me thrown off.  I’m still finding my rhythm in terms of time management, working out, etc.  I feel bad about myself when i don’t get stuff done, and then oddly l punish myself even more by eating 2quarts of ice cream.

Having said all of this: i have gained, fast.  I am at 155 lbs.  Ouch.   I KNOW that my body responds to change.  I am thankful for that.  I WILL change.  I CAN. I KNOW how.

I CAN change.

I WILL find my rhythm.

I HAVE and KNOW all that i need to do this.

It’s all about the positive intentions.

STOP here.  Check in.  I feel like i’ve been running around a bit with my head chopped off.  So many loose ends.  I feel like i have not been doing a very good job.  I want to be on top of my life and know what i want.  It’s difficult to meet your fitness and eating goals if you haven’t laid out any.

Let’s get back to what is real.  I went for a 20 minutes run last night.  Short, but whatever, getting out was the goal.  Today it is a beautiful winter day and i am going to go for a hike at a mountainous-park i have never been to.  I have road my bike through those hills, but i’ve never hiked through the park… so i am excited to explore new terrain by myself.  I feel like everything i want to do these days i just want to do by myself.  I guess that’s fine. It’s just a sign of my tired-ness.

My goal for this week is to get on top of my lesson planning and get the ball rolling.  Right now it just feels like resistance.  i WANT to do it– it seems fun, i LOVE teaching, but the sitting down to plan part i find so difficult…. and i just waste time thinking about planning and not actually doing it.  if i can get on top of my planning, then i will get more sleep and have time to wake up and walk.  Yes, baby steps.  I want to walk, everyday this week. This week, i will also take time to breath, and be conscious of the here an now.  I will know how my body posture is and what kind of message that is sending others.

I will also embrace hunger.  It seems lately that i have this mind-less connection/attachment with food.  No doubt a step to deal with anxiety.  But how is it broken?  Possibly a mind-body connection.  Stop, here and now: do i know what i am putting into my body?  Do know what affect this has (thinking about blood sugar and yucky artificialness)?  How about embrace hunger?  I tell myself that i will be OK without that ice cream or that baguette.  Yup, it’s just empty calories anyway.  Embrace nutrition, and try really hard to take my vitamins!  I was reading about embracing hunger on the Refuse to Regain site, Barbara Berkeley wrote about Calorie Restriction and some people’s ideas about it.  Interesting, but definitely a school of thought.  i just think we can get by on a whole lot less.  I remember once staying at my friend’s parent’s place for a week a couple years ago: i ate their food, on their schedule, and their quantity.  WOW was i hungry!  Lots of veggies, lots of green tea, lots of variety- but not that much food.  But i adjusted.  By the end of the week my body didn’t feel like i needed the mass amounts of food that it was used to.  Have you ever seen the tissue of a stomach?  Well probably not.  I have- in my anatomy class years ago.  It’s stretchy.  That’s how you can fill it up.  And the more you eat the more it stretches…. so your body get’s used to it and says “MORE! i want MORE because i’m used to being this size!”.  So i’m choosing less.  Embrace hunger.

My last goal is to get rid of the sugar for the most part.  Cutting out sugar will: level out my mood, feel more balanced throughout the day, level out my appetite and blood sugar, clear up my skin, and perhaps find my waist again.

a recap of Goals:

-a walk every morning

-green tea

-veggies and protein.

-vitamins: multi, B complex, St. John’s Wart, Fish Oil

-mind-body breathing

-going without sugar…. and this DOES NOT mean sugar substitutes

-embrace hunger: less is more. I will adjust

-this is a lot of goals…  but i can do it.  START HERE>

A commitment to writing makes me accountable.  I will write.