Things have been up and down.  There were a couple weeks where i got down to 148, but only because I was emotionally off and didn’t feel like eating anything.  I ran into a guy i used to date, and i got kind of upset over it.  Which is strange… or not, i don’t know.  We saw each other the following two weeks at this same event and both acted awkward and tried not to show any feeling.  I said hi and kept things short and then moved on.  I kept going over in my head how awkward it was and how i must move on because he obviously does not care is not bothered.  I hate that i am bothered.  Maybe he is bothered but is trying as hard as me to cover it up.  I don’t know.  It does not matter.  I’m growing up, life is progressing, i am standing on the edge of uncertainty in many ways, and some dude who does not know what he wants with his life is not going to keep me from jumping forward to better things.  Anyway, since then i have been compulsively exercising to make up for my compulsive eating.  I am sitting at 150.  Two days ago the scale said 155… i nearly cried.  I probably should not weigh myself so much, but i feel like life is so out of control that i need a scale to check in.  I need to get back to healthy.  I need to breathe deeply and be HERE, NOW.  Present, in the moment.  School is so close to being over, i can smell my degree it’s so close.  I need to just plow through and eat my veggies and beans and nuts and fish and whatever else that will keep me balanced… chicken is good… quinoa, fruit with peanut butter or almond butter… my awesome protein cookies.  I need to get away from gummy candies (mmm) and chocolate (mmmm).  Those are my weapons -late night binges to cope with stress and emotion.

On a good note– i have been moving lots.  Lots of late night walks (after my late night eating), bike riding and running, a bit of weights and yoga.

This week i would like to focus on incorporating some core exercise and just… living.  Think of posture and stand tall.  Being on top of life.  Being happy.  Being thankful for what i’ve got…. because i have so much to be thankful for.

Back to balance.  back to healthy.