Maintaining at 150.  I’ve been binging for days now, it’s pretty bad.  The stress is high, the work productivity is low.  I seem to be worrying about everything i have to do, more than actually doing it.  I occupy myself with sweet and starchy food.. yum, chocolate, bready stuff, ice cream, hot chocolate, wine gyms… yup, it’s been bad.  I have fallen off the wagon… and have so much to do!  I am preoccupied with the thought of weight gain and weight loss and then just eat eat eat… and my school work– it needs to get done or i’ll never graduate!!!

Stop here.  Let the stream of thoughts flow by.  Sit tall while i type at my laptop.  Think about breathing, think about posture, shoulder-blades sliding down my back, spine reaching to the ceiling.  Breath deeply into my body.  Re-connect.  Breathe.  Connect.  I am… here… now… in my body… not OUT THERE somewhere orbiting around something else.  I am here, now.  What matters right now is that i get those assignments for class done, and that i go to bed.  Tomorrow i will wake up early and go for a walk before i go to school.

Just before i started writing, i calculated my BMI to be 25.3!  3 pounds less and i’ll be at 24.8, officially healthy weight.  Somehow making that mark into “normal” is such a big deal for me.  Like i am no longer responsible for being overweight… ’cause i’m not!! well, not yet… but close.

Goodnight.