Wow! it’s interesting the kind of effect stress can have on a body.  In the past week holidays ended and I have gone back to work and school.  It all set in quite quickly and i was striving to keep my life balanced and keeping me happy… and i’m still happy… but the stress is starting to pick up quite quickly as well…. kind of like a tornado– it just collects and keeps building larger and larger.  I sit here typing… 6:30pm, and keep thinking about the paper that is due tomorrow that i have not started.  Gah! Why do i do this?  Well, partly it is procrastination and partly it is that i’ve just been REALLY busy and i’m actually exhausted.  Funny how old habits set in.  Paper writing = stress = intake of chocolate, pasta, and other foods in copious amounts to distract me from the reality that i have to write a paper.  Current weight: 155.  I couldn’t keep up my momentum of losing weight.  I hate that.  Because what i really love is taking long walks and bike rides and i just don’t have time to do it all.  What i need to do is adjust the food intake and just restrict calories.  If only i could cope with the stress and then i would stop eating chocolate!!! ahhhh!

Ok. One thing at a time.  Step one: write the paper.  Step two.  Go for a walk or even a run tonight.  Step three: get enough sleep so i can get up and feel well enough to do it all again.  GO!

153 pounds, as of Tuesday. 2 more pounds down! I went away for 5 days, came back, was still 155 pounds… then went away for another 6 days where i got home cooking and was just chillaxing…. and came back, 153 pounds!! It really helped that i was away from the scale in between. Now that i’m home i keep weighing myself. I ate a bunch of salty food last night and again today (salty cheese, prosciutto and kalamata olives)… very rich food… and i felt myself retaining water. I got up this morning and weighed myself, 155 pounds-ish. I need to stop weighing myself 4 times a day… because today i felt like a cow, and the scale showed it too… 157 pounds this evening! All it does is get me down. So i’ve cleared my mind- clean slate- and i’m not weighing myself for another 4 days. That’s my goal, 4 days. The sad part is that what get’s me out of bed in the morning is the excitement of going to weigh myself… it’s addicting! I guess i’ve never really hit into 150’s so i’m a little excited, but scared to gain it back all at the same time. I ate sooo much today and this evening– pretty much put whatever i wanted into my mouth– it was a bad sight. Today was the first day back to work and school after the holidays. It started off a little bit rocky and stressful, but i think i will get used to being back in the real world. I need to adjust.
Another thing that i am worried about is seeing my mother this weekend. It’s been a few months since i have seen her, and i have dropped a tiny bit of weight– but on me it shows– and people have been commenting (which makes me smile)… but my mother commenting on my weight is another story. I don’t know why. I just wish she wouldn’t say anything about my weight and keep her comments to herself. Funny how mother-daughter relationships are. Anyway, so i’m worried about what and how she is going to say it. Will she say hi before she says “you’ve lost weight!” ? It makes me so uncomfortable and i’m not sure why.

I’m telling myself that today is just a down day and things will get better. Things WILL get better. I will adjust to my ever-evolving life. I will lose the weight and get even leaner. Thinking positively… well at least trying to. Now that i’ve missed aquafit this evening, maybe i will do a little yoga before bed. We’ll see.