Well, guess what?  I’m still 157 pounds.  I’m OK with it though.  Condsidering how much chocolate I have eaten in the past week, I don’t know i haven’t gained weight.  The last two mornings i have gotten up early and taken my walking to the park on the other side of town, which has a bunch of different trails that go up and down among a couple small mountain peaks (itty bitty peaks).  It is nice.  It takes time, that is, getting there and coming home… but i feel so good and peaceful after.  There is hardly anybody on the trails, just a few dog-walkers.  I tend to get lost easily and i have done so both mornings, but i think i am learning my way around.  I take my ipod and remember to stand tall and breathe deeply.  A guy at work lent me some music that is new to me, which makes the experience that much better.   I love being introduced to new music, i feel like i’m entering a new era in my life.  For so long i felt like a chapter was closing (which is kind of a glass-half-empty view of my life), but now i feel like this is a new chapter emerging.  Just walking along within the trees, breathing through my nose to make sure i can take in the fresh smell.  It has been raining here on and off the last couple days and i am kind of enjoying it.  The rain is just washing everything away, making everything fresh again.

I have been trying hard to stop my ridiculous amount of sleeping.  I know that what i really love is getting up early while everyone is still asleep and having the trails and streets to myself to collect my thoughts and collect myself, and just …. live.  Soon the weather will be too hot to exercise during the day anyway, so i will have no other option.  Walking, running, hiking, cycling, i love it all.  I need to remember that.  This is what i love, this is who I AM.  A friend of mine recently suggested that perhaps i do physical activity to escape my real life.  I laughed at first, and then got defensive and wondered if she was right.  Why do i feel antsy when i haven’t been active?  Why do i have trouble living my life and feeling ok when i haven’t been active?  It took me a while to realize it, but… not only is it what I have always done and what i know… but, physical activity is just like how it sounds– it is physical– it is the easiest way back to our bodies- for centering, for grounding, for knowing our needs.  So in fact, it is actually the opposite of what my friend suggests– it is not an escape, but a sort of homecoming or checking in.  Ahh, sigh, peaceful.  Be, here, now.  Peaceful, in my body, at this moment.  Not far away with my mind and my thoughts… but here, now.  I also seem to work things out better when i am moving– perhaps a kinesthetic learner?  You know how people have different learning styles… i may be just the moving type.  It doesn’t really matter.  I am just glad that I have overcome yet another bump and learned something about myself… and maybe it’s time to get new friends!

So an early hike it was.  I cooked yesterday and the day before (which is huge for me!).  I usually just grab food on the run.  Cooking and cleanup takes so long.  I enjoy cooking, but then get frustrated when i don’t make it to my yoga class because the quinoa didn’t cook fast enough!  Gosh! So much work!  How do people do this every day?!  People actually live like this?  haha…. yes, i know, how do I live like this?!  I am finally enjoying my time off, i just wish it would last longer!  Finally feeling comfortable spending my ME time and not feeling like i’m wasting my afternoon (or my LIFE) cooking soup.