157 pounds.  I’m feeling pretty good.  I’m still going for my goal of 155 by this time next week!  I haven’t been eating that much… sort of lost my appetite- from emotional stuff in my life.  I start to feel bad when i’m not eating that much and then once i eat i get so hungry that i eat more than i had planned.  all well.

I can’t seem to get anything done these days. i just sleep so much. and then i get down on myself for not getting any work done…which somehow makes me less active, and then less happy and motivated as a result.  my goal is go get up in the morning EARLY and go for a bike ride.

Monday: bike ride (40k), climb, 1hr walk Actual: bike ride 35k,91 minutes, 23km avg speed, yoga class

Tuesday (travel): swim, 30 min walk Actual: Run 35 mins

Wednesday (away): run 30mins, 1 hr walk Actual: run 25 mins, walk 30 mins

Thursday (away/travel): run 35mins, climb, 2×30min walk

Friday (travel- yet again): walking/rest

Saturday (more travel): run 30 mins, walking as much as possible

Sunday (away): run 30 mins, lots o walking

158 lbs.  This is actually a big achievement for me, considering i’ve been to 159/160 many times, but never really hit into the 150’s.  I feel awesome.  I’m actually eating quite a bit, but heathly foods, and i haven’t been tracking anything  in the last  couple months except aiming to get physical activity in –and in variety.   I always find that the weight comes off when i’m not so focused on the weight itself and more my life as a whole.  I’m trying to focus on the positive… not that i want to lose weight or lose 20 more pounds… but more that i want the scale to read 138… and focus on how i want to look, not how i look now.  I think in the past, the motivation i have used to lose weight is “o my god, look how big i am!”, instead of, “i want to look like this _______(smaller, fitter figure)”.   And it’s always sort of been… ya i want that, but it’s not a big priority in my life.  And now… i don’t know what’s changed… i think i actually believe it.  I believe that i can change how my body is.  We are made up of cells that get renewed… i don’t know what the exact days or months it is.. but basically, science says that our bodies are not static- we are constantly changing and renewing our cells and therefore our tissues and… basically our entire body gets replaced all the time.

I have more time these days.  I’m basically on a hiatus between school and more school, and i’m working a little.  But i have decided to take some ME time.  Just a little bit of chill time to de-stress and get geared up for my final year (BIG SIGH!).  I need to undo the last.. how many… years of stress and emotions and thoughts and… i feel so good not having any pressures on me.  I have a few books lined up to read.  I believe i am changing all the time, my body is changing, and I am doing what i love… lots of activity.  I’m just focused on getting in lots of walking and some runs and bike rides and a little bit of strength work here and there.  I will probably have to step it up if i want to lose more.  But fun is my biggest priority right now.  I’m going to go on vacation for a week or two and that may disrupt my eating and exercise… but after that i will get back and step it up.  I promise.  Goals is 155 by May 25… that’s less than 2 weeks!  I can do it.  3 pounds. Cheer me on!

So.

“Begin here.  It is raining… I am here alone for the first time in weeks to take up my ‘real’ life again at last.  This is what is strange–that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and discover what is happening or what has happened”  –From Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton

It’s been a long time.  I am 161 pounds.  I’m not sure what i was before.  But that doesn’t matter right now.  It’s time to get back… or move forward… i’m not sure which.  Moving on, i think, would be the best way to describe.  Things have been crazy.  My mind has been a bit… uneasy… a man in my life has been a bit… uneasy… and i am here again to take up my real life and move on, moving forward.  I would like to think that i have grown, or that i am growing, and it is all taken as a learning experience.  I would like to think that i can conquer the world…. as soon as i get through my “to do” list posted on the fridge, after the vacuuming and laundry that needs to be done.  Laundry is a funny thing because it is never ‘done’ it is always piling up, it is always needing to be maintained… which is kind of like health and our bodies and our fitness levels.  How are our laundry levels?

I am looking forward to spending some time alone in the near future and read some new books, and let my mind thaw, and relax.  I want to get up early and see the sun rising as  i walk along the streets and parks in this city.  I want to get back on my bike and explore.  I want to go swimming at the outdoor pool when the weather gets nice.  I want to do more yoga and quiet my mind.  I want to travel and be alone in a big city.  Today is the starting point.  Goal: 155 pounds by the end of May.