Once and For All

February 5th, 2012

I’m not sure how many times I’ve attempted to “diet” or just simply lose weight, but it’s more times than I can count. Each and every time I got discouraged and gave up. This time I have a goal, a real goal and I hope and pray I can stick with it.

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I think I started getting chunky as a child when I was about six or seven. I’m actually not at my very biggest now, but close. I’m only a few pounds shy of that because I have actually been doing well for the past couple of weeks and lost a few pounds. Nevertheless, I have a long, long way to go. I have three goals here, with one of them being the biggest: 1) I want to be able to simply be thin (or at least not “overweight”) and physically active, 2) I want to look good at my sister’s wedding in September and 3) I want to enlist in the military. Number three is the most important to me. For all of my young adult life I’ve been searching for something that could define me and trying to figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. Well, I think I’ve found it. I want to join the military and now that I’ve decided that, nothing scares me more than failing. Before I was afraid of failing my weight loss journey, but now I’m afraid of failing my weight loss journey and therein failing my goal of enlisting. I am absolutely terrified and am completely consumed by this fear.

I’m twenty-five years old and I have 75-80 pounds to lose before I reach the Air Force (assuming I go with them) maximum weight requirement for my height of 155 pounds. In other words, I’m 5′ 3″ and I weighed in this past week at 230 pounds. When I started a couple weeks ago, I was around 234-236. Already I’m doing well, but I’m struggling to be patient and not get discouraged and fearful by how “slow” I am progressing. I have never been this motivated before in my life and I hope the motivation sticks around. There are additional factors regarding potential enlistment that play devil’s advocate and discourage me, but I’m doing my best to stick to my diet and exercise.

If there’s anyone out there reading this that can offer any support and/or encouragement, it would be greatly appreciated. I would be happy to do the same for you. In the meantime, I guess I will be chugging along.

On another note, I’m kind of worried about a mini vacation this coming week. I will be out of town for around five days and I worry not just about my diet (which is just watching my calorie intake), but also about not exercising during this time. I might very well be able to exercise, but I’m afraid my motivation will wane because of the vacation and even more so if I have trouble with my diet. My mentality isn’t the greatest and I tend to rationalize that “there’s no point,” if I screw up on one part of my plan, ie: if I eat say pizza instead of salad, what good will it do to workout? I’m probably psyching myself out, but nevertheless, this fear is very real. I’m hoping that since I’ve been so motivated, I will continue to be so even during my vacation. I guess I’ll just have to see. I just hate that it’s so early in my dieting/weight loss journey (week three).

3 Responses to “Once and For All”

  1. yana Says:

    Hi.. I just wanted to say that I truly understand your struggles and your fears. But NOTHING BEATS FAILURE BUT A TRY. No matter what just try to stay focused on those things that are most important to you and tell yourself when you are tempted that you wont let nothing get in the way of your goals. If you mess up on your plan just keep going..working out would be better than not. With your up coming vacation ahead my advice would be to make extra preparation for alternative eating choices. You really have to be mentally prepared because your temptation to eat unhealthy is so much higher.

    I can relate to you a lot.. I was 265lbs a year and a half ago and finally for the first time in my entire “fat” life I lost 70lbs. And let me tell you I struggled with similar things and sometimes still do.
    My fight and journey to weight loss is not over. I’m still trying to stay motivated and focused on continuing my goals.
    If you ever need a friend to talk to or help you get through those challenging times you can lean on me. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

  2. Tracey Says:

    Hi! You are not alone on your journey! I found your blog on the 3FatChicks site, as I am looking for people to help inspire me. I am 5’1″ and starting I was 254 lbs. I am down 37 lbs and I am starting to see a light. I too got easily discouraged because the weight comes off soooo slow, but if you continue on your path, you will start to see a difference and those pounds add up! Keep up the great work and know you have an internet buddy urging you on!

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