Seeking Support

Just a quickie to say we are off to Steamboat Springs in a few hours.  The race is Sunday.  Last year my age group ranged in times from 42 mins to 1:52.  So, my goal of finishing in 2 hours should be ok.  The last 10K runner was 1:54!  I’m just petrified.  I keep reminding myself that this is for fun, and nobody will probably laugh at me.

I plan to post Sunday while icing my shin splints.  I got a lower body massage yesterday and YOWZA, those knots in my left calf really hurt getting worked out.

I’m totally not finished packing, so gotta scramble.  Sorry I’ve been so lame staying in touch. I just still find this format so time consuming to try and read everyone’s posts and comments and add my own.

I’m here.  Still hanging around 190 - over a month now.  I guess 30 lbs is all I’m going to get off with exercise only.  I can’t seem to get a grip on the food.  I’ll do good for breaky and/or lunch, then about 3:00 it’s all downhill from there.  I’m trying to use the kids as motivation for this also, I’ve really noticed in the past 3-4 days that they are both turning into little sugar hounds, and it’s all my fault.

Stress is quite a factor in this, I know.  The money situation is not improving, as a matter of fact, it’s worse than it was, which I didn’t think was going to happen.  The marital difficulties just keep increasing.  That’s really no excuse.  The key is that I need to train myself to deal with stress differently - not run off for some candy or dive into some online game to distract myself.

DH’s been doing a lot of nights lately. That makes it extra hard to put together a decent dinner, cause honestly, what’s the point? DS will complain and pick and barely eat and DD will probably eat anyway, but she can’t exactly tell you it was good, bad or indifferent.  And I really resent being sole childcare for 12 hrs at a stretch.  It’s not like he was busy making money or anything.  He watches a LOT of movies and plays several games of his own, I know that much.

I’m trying to convince myself that a box of good n’ plenty from the store is NOT a treat, it’s really just poison, but I’m not getting too far yet.

Steamboat is in 2 weeks.  I guess I’m going to still go - it’s all paid for.  I will probably have to walk most of it - I can walk at 3.7 MPH no problem, but the second I start to jog, my heart rate goes up over 155 and I go back to walking.  It’s ok though, as long as I finish in under 2 hrs, it will still be an accomplishment.

Training is going fine.  If you’re on Facebook, you know I did 400 crunches on Saturday.  So far, I’m only a little sore today - we’ll see what tomorrow brings. I need to sit down with my trainer and come up with some new goals - I feel like we’re coasting lately.  I’m at 10 workouts for the month - not half, but better than April.  The only change is I’m do 42 minutes on the elliptical - I no longer count the 5-10 mins warmup on the bike towards my 42 and I don’t allow myself to break for more than 45 seconds or so to drink some water or stretch the damned left calf.  The machine loses your workout settings at 1 minute, so that’s a good way to see.  I should go downstairs now and do the yoga dvd, but I doubt I will.  It’s 9:30 pm, everyone is asleep but me, and I just want to veg out for a bit.

DS graduated from pre-school again Friday.  On the academic front, he’ll be way ahead in kindergarten, already reading a bit and starting to do addition/subtraction.  On the focus front, he still has a terrible time sitting still and paying attention for long - unless it’s a cartoon.  :-(  Socially, he’s gotten much more adept.  It is a joy to see him at church, interacting with the adults and really feeling at home.  At least I’m getting that much out of the church committment.  I’m REALLY looking forward to our new pastor starting, my spiritual being is not being fed by most of the current services.

DD finally put together a 2-word combo yesterday — “More, please” (asking for candy of course).  I was starting to get a little concerned.  I think it’s a combination of the pacifier use up til last month and the fact that Mama is so good at reading her little mind that is making her speech a little slower to come.  She is just adorable about clothes and accessories now - really wants barrettes in her hair and to wear certain outfits.  I thought she would explode with joy at the shoe store on Thursday.  LOL.  What a girly girl!

The zoo had their big Mem Day plant sale this weekend.  I got 11 good sized plants.  Ice plants and sedums and some showy milkweed to start my butterfly garden. Hoping to get them into the ground tomorrow.  And get to the gym.  Oh, yeah, I got my massage reward for staying under 200 for a month.  That was very nice and I signed up for their 6 month package, which we can’t totally afford, but it’s a small price to pay for sanity.  And it’s half the price of my old massuese, so that was my justification.  I’ve actually been under 200 for 3 months now, if you can believe that!

I keep saying it, but I don’t do it — I really need to get into the habit of writing in here in the morning then shutting the damn computer down for the day.  On the days that I do, I get an extraordinary amt of work done. And get some meditation in there too.  I did start logging my food again, and that is helping a lot until the cravings kick in in the afternoon.

I’m here, I’m here! I’ve been somewhat sucked into Restaurant City and some into life.  And, to be honest, I am avoiding the place. I know I need to take some action on the food side of things, and I am just being stubborn or rebellious or something. So if I stay away from here, I can pretend the exercise is enough or some such nonsense!  Weight is staying around 188-190, for almost 3 weeks now.

I need to start logging my food to begin, and I’ve pretty much turned back into the grazing pattern that I thought I broke back in Sept ‘07.   Yuck.

In other news - the Gym -
Jinx had me boxing for the first time today.  Well, I’ve done a little Wii boxing, but not much.  Not feeling much yet, but sure I will tomorrow. I also did my 42 mins on the elliptical without losing my settings.  Which means, I would stop and drink a little water, but I didn’t pause long enough for the machine to go blank - which I think is a minute max.   Most exciting gym news is that they are having a special on training sessions - buy 40 (at a discount) and get a 3 night cruise.  Well the tax refund is due tomorrow, so hubby said ‘find out what you can get for the cruise’ (because it would be too much hassle with the kids and house for us to actually take the cruise).  Gym can’t do anything for me (all paid in advance by corporate), but Jinx will barter 10 training sessions for it. So, 50 half-hour sessions for $700 and I am set for training for 6 more months!  WooooHooooo! Now let’s just hope the feds don’t delay our refund and nobody changes their mind on the gym side of things. I feel a little guilty, of course - that would pay for a lot of karate or my gym or various other things, but not too much because I know me being healthy and sane (relatively) really helps all the family out more than the other things would.

April I only had 11 workouts - my worst month since starting.  It was all in the first half of the month though, and I’m already on #4 for May.  I want to add 1 a week - a yoga tape at home, I can feel my flexibility dwindling.  Too muscle-bound - LOLOLOLOL.

In other news -

DD is pacifier-free.  It was really only 2 bad nights and 3 bad days and it was over.  Whew.  Now all of a sudden, she’s talking up a storm - of course.  She does have her 8 zillionth cold of the year. She did great for a week (incidently while she was on the Good Belly), then started up again with the snotty nose and this time, a fairly bad night cough.  It is finally really warming up here, so hopefully this might be the last of the cold bugs for a while.

DS is good, we had a play date with 2 other boys this weekand that went ok.  Need to get more foam shields and wrapping paper swords or hide the 2 sets we have before we have 3 here again.

Finally made it Wally-World today and bought a couple of cheap JMS bras - really, truly 42B.  Also a pair of 16/18 clearance shorts from the women’s section - NOT the plus!!   They probably won’t fit after I wash them - but they will soon enough!

I still haven’t watched TBL from this week.  I had an RE team meeting on Wed and somehow got volunteered into designing and printing cards for the kids to decorate for their moms Sunday.  Just finished that, now I just need to fold them.  Still trying to get the 25 tree seedlings into the ground from April 25th - the snow derailed me some, but I’m about half-done now.  I’m sure there’s other stuff I wanted to touch on - but there’s the highlights.  I’ll be about to comment tomorrow, after I watch TBL!!

A third of the year is gone? How’d that happen?

My pain didn’t go away until I got up the next morning. I’m 95% sure it was cycle related now, but have a call into my ob/gyn’s nurse just to make sure she doesn’t think I should be checked. My annual isn’t due til Aug. I went with the tubal when DD was born because a) I was DONE going thru that trying to conceive/pregnancy/miscarriage cycle b) I am 8-9 yrs older than DH so he might conceivably want more at some point (esp if I divorce his a**) c) due to age and smoking history, I wanted to stay away from hormonal bc and d) I was laid open for the c-section anyway, so the tubal was free. And e) I REALLY didn’t want to risk another pregnancy at my age! As LT likes to remind me - I need the estrogen from my ovaries or I’d be happy to be done with cycles for good!

I’m feeling sad for the family in TX that lost their toddler to the swine flu . He/she was DD’s age - 22 months. It’s always sad to hear of a child dying, but it seems to affect me more when they are my kids’ ages. Not too worried about the possibility of a pandemic; but I am considering keeping dd and ds home from the gym kids room that is super crowded sometimes. DD has been so sick this year already. I’ve got her on 1/2 a dose of good belly everyday as that seems to be the best action to take for her immune system - probiotics. I like Good Belly cause it’s actually drinkable - some of those drinks pretty gross. We did some Activia last week but I just read those aren’t the best flora for immune system.

Anyway, I am rambling badly today and very off-topic. Yesterday I was 189.5, today I am 192.5 - WTH? Probably the sunflower seeds I succumbed to again yesterday. My training session yesterday was pretty lame and I didn’t add my cardio in. I’m on track to only have 12 workouts this month - the furthest I have been from my monthly goal since I started this regime last Aug. I also seem to have a hard time shaking the feeling that this is all fake and not really me and won’t last. I realize I HAVE to overcome that problem. Also, I need to remotivate on the weight cause I feel so much smaller, I think I am losing the urgency to take care of this. The 10K in June just makes me feel sick - not motivated. My knees are so sore after 20 mins on the treadmill I can’t imagine what 6 miles will do to them.

I also didn’t sleep much last night, which always seems to impact my weight.  Pacifier withdrawal is progressing with copious tears from DD and quite a few from Mama as well.  Last night seemed much better, so I’m sure it will all be done in another day or two, but gosh it is so hard to hear her cry and know that handing her that little thing will stop it, but know that we can’t keep stringing this out - it’s not fair to her.  I could write a whole other post on DH and the paci problem, but <raspberry> I’m sick of thinking about it and him.

The Inside Out Weight Loss podcast really helps me a lot - the problem is finding time to listen to them when I’m not working out. It really is all mental with me. This morning I felt a little nauseated, and my first thought is always that eating something will help.  I expect more normal people would NOT want to eat if they felt sickish.

We got 1-2 inches Sunday night, which was all gone by Mon afternoon, but I’m sick of it.  More forecast for Friday am.  I have heard several hummingbirds go by (broad tail hummers have a very distinctive flight noise), so I put the feeders out this am and really KNOW in my heart that spring will be here eventually.

BIGGEST LOSER SPOILER FOLLOWS

I had to stay up and watch TBL last night.  I was a little irked that T keeps winning the damn challenges.  She annoys me more and more as the season progresses.  I REALLY wanted them to eliminate R.  He hasn’t bugged me too much until all the blatant LIES about K.  He bald-faced lied to Bob that he didn’t concoct that scenario with Mikey.  I guess they thought they were whispering quietly enough that the microphones wouldn’t catch it.  He must be feeling VERY embarrassed now that it’s been on the air.  I have NEVER called into a reality show, but I think I will next week to vote him outta the finale!  It also makes my stomach turn to see a father/son kiss on the lips.  Just the way I was raised, I know, but I can’t get over it.

I REALLY want to know what Jillian does to her team for these weigh-ins.  I do NOT believe she wins year after year totally on the up and up.  Someday someone will leak it - it must be some kind of purge.  I’d LOVE to see some follow-up stats by trainer.  I know about a third of the contestants regain their weight, but that doesn’t say much since it includes the ones who last a week with the finalists.

Ok, I am working on laundry with DD.  It’s almost her nap time - Good LORD I hope she doesn’t cry for longer than 10 mins - ha!  DH suggested just waiting til she falls asleep on the floor - but not sure that will help tomorrow and I hate to mess with her good sleep habits.  He’s asleep so it’s mama’s call with no interference.

Woke up to freaking snow again.  About 2 inches which is almost all gone already.  Sick, sick, sick of snow!!

Have had a pain in my lower right abdomen since I woke up 8 hours ago.  I’m starting to think I need to go to an urgent care, but if it’s just constipation I will be very upset to spend several hundred dollars.  Besides, if it’s something serious like appendicitis or a bowel obstruction (thanks webmd symptom checker), I will surely start being in more pain and maybe get a fever.  I am such a wimp anyway, I never know if it’s mild or moderate pain.

Weight is floating around 190.  Not happy about that.  I liked seeing 189 and was looking forward to 188.  Haven’t worked out today due to the pain; but also have no appetite, so have only eaten a couple triscuits.  Not the healthiest diet, but it’s not like I do this every day.

DD is awake from her nap now.  Guess I better post this and run, it’s taken 8 hrs just to write this!  Have a great day, chickies!

DS is off school the rest of the week for parent-teacher conferences — in preschool.  Of course, DD couldn’t care less if the rest of us are able to sleep in, she wants me UP. I’m letting her watch Sesame St so I can drink coffee and get functional.

I finally admitted to myself that I am adding to our morning routine problems.  I can’t wander off to check my computer (FB) and expect a 5 yr old to stay on task for more than a minute.  Heck, I don’t think he stays on task 2 seconds after I leave the room.  SO, beginning today, I am shutting down the computer at 7:30 am (maybe 8 on non-school days) until DD takes her nap after lunch.  Mornings will be about getting the kids launched, exercise and housework.   After this gets more of a habit, I will start on getting myself to bed earlier.

I can’t keep complaining about the status quo without trying some changes on my part!

Up a tad to 190.5 today.  I struggle with the refined carbs so much. I know they go straight to my belly and screw with my blood sugar and all that, but it’s like they sing a siren’s song to me!

Today is a training session (30 min) and full cardio session (42 min). Then I’m stopping for top soil and compost and try to finish my new lilac berm.   I know it’s crazy to work on that when I have all these tree seedlings arriving on Sat; but my experience has been if I transplant the lilacs (from the neighbor) before they leaf out, they will do much better.  I really want to get them started this year, as they will form a screen between my porch and the one house we can see. Since I don’t have the $$ to buy actual bushs, it’ll take a couple years for transplanted seedlings to get going so time’s a-wasting!

I downgraded a playdate this afternoon to a visit to the preschool playground so DS can play with this other boy while his mom has her PT conf.  It’s so close, I don’t mind helping a sista out.  I just didn’t want him or her over here since he is still recovering from and she is coming down with a cold and I don’t need DD exposed to something else.  DD coughed and coughed last night, which is new, so maybe it is a cold and maybe the congestion is breaking up?

Must remember to ask Jinx about the wattle and “neck exercises”!  Also would like to follow up on finding a school track to walk/run on.  ”On which to run” I suppose is better grammar.  Looks like a beautiful day here - 70 and sunny.  Have a great day.

Good morning.  Got up at 6:30 again to have an hour for myself before launch sequence starts, so DD got up at 6:31:59.  Ugh.  She has been a real diva lately.  This cold is now 11 days old.  I guess I will call and talk to the nurse, but at $100+ to take her in, I just don’t see it.  She’s been taking her baby vitamins and probiotics, to no avail.  This is about her 57th cold this winter.  I wonder if allergies play a role.  She doesn’t act like she feels badly, just a major snot factory.  Every day I say at least once - “Thanks, DD, this shirt didn’t have any snot on it yet!”  LOL.  I dont’ want them to put her on that major antibiotic again, cause a) I don’t think it’s a sinus infection b) it seems to make her catch the next cold even faster and c) it’s $65 on top of the $108 to take her into the office.  Of course, if she really needed it, I would pay the money, but I’m not going to do it just cause they can’t come up with a better idea.

Last night was my support group meeting, I get to leave the house at 7 pm and DH puts the kids to bed by 8:30 and you’d think he was giving me a kidney every week.  He did do the dishes and mostly clean up the kitchen (left 2 dirty skillets and a lid on the stove - WTH?). And bathed the kids, so I’ve ordered his medal.  LOL.

Anybody gotten their text file of entries yet?  It’s hard for me to get to the forums now that there’s no link, guess I will need to add one.

Food was so-so yesterday.  I stopped and got a little bag of twizzlers and some sunflower seeds, so I’m sure I’m up to my quota of salt for April. Mon night I made chicken breast stir fry.  Since LindaT got sick, cooking chicken is nerve-wracking for me!  I must have washed my hands 10 times, and I know I overcooked the ckn, but everyone’s ok, so made it through another meal.

Yesterday was 1 hr training.  I forgot to ask about the double chin/wattle.  He was nuts on arms and abs again and I’m feeling it today.  30 punches with each arm/5 lb weight each arm is not so bad, by the 3rd set, a little tough and wowee, can I feel my biceps/triceps today.  Oh and 3 sets of 40 of those things on your knees where you roll out on a wheel in your hands then magically engage abs and pull it back in. Normally this is my off day, but I’m so far behind on workouts this month, I think I will do a yoga session.  I got a freebie dvd from Body & Soul magazine that i just love, and it has 4 20 min segments to choose amongst.  Today is also laundry day which isn’t too mountainous since I actually did all the laundry last Wed.

I’ve got 20 tree seedlings to pick up Sat and not a single hole dug yet.  That will be a big project.

PS  I am FIFTY pounds lighter than my lifetime high weight.  Wow.

Good morning.  Restaurant City is down for maintenance this am, so I thought I would post.  I probably ought to do that everyday instead!  If you signed up for RC but aren’t really playing, please unlock your ingredients so we can trade them around.

Good cardio yesterday, but I had to take a couple breaks.  10 on bike, stretch out, 5 on elliptical, drink water, 10 more on elliptical, go to the restroom, then finally 17 mins straight. Today is my 1/2 hr training, but my training buddy is scheduled after me, so we’ll probably double up.  I know $17.50 is very reasonable for a 30 min training; it’s coming up with $700 at once that is so hard.

Got my sports bras from JMS yesterday and both fit.  The 42C is made a little big in the cups, but you can’t tell with all the compression going on.  I am a little irritated that they charge over $8 for s/h when they sent it regular mail for $2 in a cheapie envelope and didn’t even bother to take the plastic hangers off.  Oh well, the important thing is that the girls are prepped to start running in earnest.

My ankle was really bothering me yesterday.  If I still had decent insurance I would go to a foot/ankle doc and find out if I need an ankle or knee brace or if there’s something else to do.  I have a drugstore ankle brace somewhere, but lord knows I’ll never find it.  (Actually I just had a flash where it might be, I will check in a few).  Jinx says the ankle problems probably cause the knee soreness after running, so maybe the ankle brace will help in a couple ways.

I really want to get serious about the food angle.  I have 6 1/2 wks til the race, I could lose 10-15 lbs if I stopped goofing off with the food.  They had a green tea/hoodia supplement on sale half price yesterday and I bought one.  I know it’s mostly caffiene and the mental effect, but I need something to mark a starting point, if that makes sense.

My Dad will be here 6/13, and boy, I can’t wait to shock him.  He thought I looked good in LV, and that was 10 lbs ago!  :-)  Unfortunately the wattle isn’t going anywhere, need to ask Jinx about that, he mentioned building my neck muscles would burn more fat in that region.  Sounds wonky, but I gotta try something!

I also need to get serious about getting this website up and running.  I think it’s a great idea and we should be able to generate some ad revenue for sure; but I have to put the legwork in!  Same with the darned housework.  Obviously the website won’t solve our money woes, but it will make a dent.  It’s also helping me get up to speed on css (cascading style sheets) and new web design techniques.

DS has his extended tues session today, so I should have a nice solid block of time while DD naps; and I will do some nose-down work.

I’m pretty sure that’s not the real lyrics I’m thinking about (the Mamas & the Papas), but hey, it’s a title.

Got thru the storm - over 2 feet total. Very heavy and wet, so it started compacting and thawing almost as soon as it hit.  We have about 4 inches of slush left.  Drive 10 minutes towards town and it’s all gone.

I finally got to the gym Sun afternoon for my 42 min cardio.  Threw in some crunches and obliques.  It was my first workout since Mon, so long overdue.  I went again this morning - thank God dd is feeling better.  Just did cardio today and some serious stretching. An hour and a half of elliptical in a 15 hr time span really worked those quads!

189 again today, after floating around 190 this weekend.  I have a double training tomorrow morning.  They’re having a huge special on training.  $700 for 40 1/2 hr sessions.  $17.50 each?  That’s much less than I’ve paid before.  However, money is very tight around here, so I’m not sure I can justify $35 a week for much longer.  Not sure what to do.  They also give you a 4 night cruise, but I can’t even imagine what that would end up costing with childcare, etc.  Maybe if I could go alone?  Man, wouldn’t that be divine.  Anyway, the training is doing so much good for me, I need to figure out how to approach it.  For one thing, a single doctor’s appt now costs me about $200, so the training sessions should pay off, but it’s not a clear cut “savings” if you know what I mean.

Things around here are so-so.  DS was a huge PITA this morning (Pain In The A??), he ended up losing his tv time today. That’s usually harder on me than on him, but I was at my wit’s end.  He’s already asking if he can earn it back.  I’m so sick of these morning issues though.

I’ve got 3 blog posts in my head for my other blog.  I really have to sit down and punch them out.  I wrote about half of one the other day and the damned website ATE it.  ARGH.  3 posts a week would pay for the training; unfortunately lately I am running 3 posts a month!

I’ve got housework to do and lunches to make and all that jazz.  I managed to eat oatmeal for breaky, but then got a really bad lunch after my workout, so I need to watch it the rest of the day. I’ll be by to comment as the day progresses.

I’m just so excited!! None of you are on FB to tell right away!  189! That’s right — One Hundred and EIGHTY-nine pounds today!!  WoooooHOooooo!!

I honestly don’t know when I’ve last been in the 180’s Definitely not this century!!

Snowing like mad outside.  They’re currently forecasting maybe as much as 3 feet at my house before the storm runs out late Saturday night, or as “little” as 8-18″ - LOL  only in CO is 8 inches a “little” snow!  Colorado’s version of April showers. Preschool’s closed of course, and today is the extra 4 hr Friday Fun, so in my opinion, one of the worst days of the week for a snow day.

Sort of at a standoff around here.  We’re being civil.  I didn’t sleep much Wed night, most of it on the couch in front of the tv.  I finally watched a couple of the last  4 episodes of ER and just cried and cried.  I’m saving the one with Clooney and the finale for this weekend.

I’ll have to cancel my training.  I have the new Gold’s Gym Cardio for Wii to check out, I’ll report back later. I really need to remember that I can workout at home when I can’t get to the gym, it’s weird how that slips my mind.

I watch TBL last night,  I can’t believe Ron is still there.  I think they made the right call, even if Kristin is the biggest threat.  Surprised to see Sione gone, but doubt I will watch that episode now that I’ve watched this week.  I always enjoy the makeover show, but I wasn’t too impressed with any of the gals, except maybe Helen.  I wish they had talked her into shorter hair, but at least it looks a lot less like straw now.

Gotta run, get the kids settled in, just had to share right away!  If I had your phone numbers, I’d be dialing up a storm!  I’m more excited than I was by 199!  I’m just a few pounds away from the “overweight” category and leaving “obese” behind!