Seeking Support

A third of the year is gone? How’d that happen?

My pain didn’t go away until I got up the next morning. I’m 95% sure it was cycle related now, but have a call into my ob/gyn’s nurse just to make sure she doesn’t think I should be checked. My annual isn’t due til Aug. I went with the tubal when DD was born because a) I was DONE going thru that trying to conceive/pregnancy/miscarriage cycle b) I am 8-9 yrs older than DH so he might conceivably want more at some point (esp if I divorce his a**) c) due to age and smoking history, I wanted to stay away from hormonal bc and d) I was laid open for the c-section anyway, so the tubal was free. And e) I REALLY didn’t want to risk another pregnancy at my age! As LT likes to remind me - I need the estrogen from my ovaries or I’d be happy to be done with cycles for good!

I’m feeling sad for the family in TX that lost their toddler to the swine flu . He/she was DD’s age - 22 months. It’s always sad to hear of a child dying, but it seems to affect me more when they are my kids’ ages. Not too worried about the possibility of a pandemic; but I am considering keeping dd and ds home from the gym kids room that is super crowded sometimes. DD has been so sick this year already. I’ve got her on 1/2 a dose of good belly everyday as that seems to be the best action to take for her immune system - probiotics. I like Good Belly cause it’s actually drinkable - some of those drinks pretty gross. We did some Activia last week but I just read those aren’t the best flora for immune system.

Anyway, I am rambling badly today and very off-topic. Yesterday I was 189.5, today I am 192.5 - WTH? Probably the sunflower seeds I succumbed to again yesterday. My training session yesterday was pretty lame and I didn’t add my cardio in. I’m on track to only have 12 workouts this month - the furthest I have been from my monthly goal since I started this regime last Aug. I also seem to have a hard time shaking the feeling that this is all fake and not really me and won’t last. I realize I HAVE to overcome that problem. Also, I need to remotivate on the weight cause I feel so much smaller, I think I am losing the urgency to take care of this. The 10K in June just makes me feel sick - not motivated. My knees are so sore after 20 mins on the treadmill I can’t imagine what 6 miles will do to them.

I also didn’t sleep much last night, which always seems to impact my weight.  Pacifier withdrawal is progressing with copious tears from DD and quite a few from Mama as well.  Last night seemed much better, so I’m sure it will all be done in another day or two, but gosh it is so hard to hear her cry and know that handing her that little thing will stop it, but know that we can’t keep stringing this out - it’s not fair to her.  I could write a whole other post on DH and the paci problem, but <raspberry> I’m sick of thinking about it and him.

The Inside Out Weight Loss podcast really helps me a lot - the problem is finding time to listen to them when I’m not working out. It really is all mental with me. This morning I felt a little nauseated, and my first thought is always that eating something will help.  I expect more normal people would NOT want to eat if they felt sickish.

We got 1-2 inches Sunday night, which was all gone by Mon afternoon, but I’m sick of it.  More forecast for Friday am.  I have heard several hummingbirds go by (broad tail hummers have a very distinctive flight noise), so I put the feeders out this am and really KNOW in my heart that spring will be here eventually.

BIGGEST LOSER SPOILER FOLLOWS

I had to stay up and watch TBL last night.  I was a little irked that T keeps winning the damn challenges.  She annoys me more and more as the season progresses.  I REALLY wanted them to eliminate R.  He hasn’t bugged me too much until all the blatant LIES about K.  He bald-faced lied to Bob that he didn’t concoct that scenario with Mikey.  I guess they thought they were whispering quietly enough that the microphones wouldn’t catch it.  He must be feeling VERY embarrassed now that it’s been on the air.  I have NEVER called into a reality show, but I think I will next week to vote him outta the finale!  It also makes my stomach turn to see a father/son kiss on the lips.  Just the way I was raised, I know, but I can’t get over it.

I REALLY want to know what Jillian does to her team for these weigh-ins.  I do NOT believe she wins year after year totally on the up and up.  Someday someone will leak it - it must be some kind of purge.  I’d LOVE to see some follow-up stats by trainer.  I know about a third of the contestants regain their weight, but that doesn’t say much since it includes the ones who last a week with the finalists.

Ok, I am working on laundry with DD.  It’s almost her nap time - Good LORD I hope she doesn’t cry for longer than 10 mins - ha!  DH suggested just waiting til she falls asleep on the floor - but not sure that will help tomorrow and I hate to mess with her good sleep habits.  He’s asleep so it’s mama’s call with no interference.

Woke up to freaking snow again.  About 2 inches which is almost all gone already.  Sick, sick, sick of snow!!

Have had a pain in my lower right abdomen since I woke up 8 hours ago.  I’m starting to think I need to go to an urgent care, but if it’s just constipation I will be very upset to spend several hundred dollars.  Besides, if it’s something serious like appendicitis or a bowel obstruction (thanks webmd symptom checker), I will surely start being in more pain and maybe get a fever.  I am such a wimp anyway, I never know if it’s mild or moderate pain.

Weight is floating around 190.  Not happy about that.  I liked seeing 189 and was looking forward to 188.  Haven’t worked out today due to the pain; but also have no appetite, so have only eaten a couple triscuits.  Not the healthiest diet, but it’s not like I do this every day.

DD is awake from her nap now.  Guess I better post this and run, it’s taken 8 hrs just to write this!  Have a great day, chickies!

DS is off school the rest of the week for parent-teacher conferences — in preschool.  Of course, DD couldn’t care less if the rest of us are able to sleep in, she wants me UP. I’m letting her watch Sesame St so I can drink coffee and get functional.

I finally admitted to myself that I am adding to our morning routine problems.  I can’t wander off to check my computer (FB) and expect a 5 yr old to stay on task for more than a minute.  Heck, I don’t think he stays on task 2 seconds after I leave the room.  SO, beginning today, I am shutting down the computer at 7:30 am (maybe 8 on non-school days) until DD takes her nap after lunch.  Mornings will be about getting the kids launched, exercise and housework.   After this gets more of a habit, I will start on getting myself to bed earlier.

I can’t keep complaining about the status quo without trying some changes on my part!

Up a tad to 190.5 today.  I struggle with the refined carbs so much. I know they go straight to my belly and screw with my blood sugar and all that, but it’s like they sing a siren’s song to me!

Today is a training session (30 min) and full cardio session (42 min). Then I’m stopping for top soil and compost and try to finish my new lilac berm.   I know it’s crazy to work on that when I have all these tree seedlings arriving on Sat; but my experience has been if I transplant the lilacs (from the neighbor) before they leaf out, they will do much better.  I really want to get them started this year, as they will form a screen between my porch and the one house we can see. Since I don’t have the $$ to buy actual bushs, it’ll take a couple years for transplanted seedlings to get going so time’s a-wasting!

I downgraded a playdate this afternoon to a visit to the preschool playground so DS can play with this other boy while his mom has her PT conf.  It’s so close, I don’t mind helping a sista out.  I just didn’t want him or her over here since he is still recovering from and she is coming down with a cold and I don’t need DD exposed to something else.  DD coughed and coughed last night, which is new, so maybe it is a cold and maybe the congestion is breaking up?

Must remember to ask Jinx about the wattle and “neck exercises”!  Also would like to follow up on finding a school track to walk/run on.  ”On which to run” I suppose is better grammar.  Looks like a beautiful day here - 70 and sunny.  Have a great day.

Good morning.  Got up at 6:30 again to have an hour for myself before launch sequence starts, so DD got up at 6:31:59.  Ugh.  She has been a real diva lately.  This cold is now 11 days old.  I guess I will call and talk to the nurse, but at $100+ to take her in, I just don’t see it.  She’s been taking her baby vitamins and probiotics, to no avail.  This is about her 57th cold this winter.  I wonder if allergies play a role.  She doesn’t act like she feels badly, just a major snot factory.  Every day I say at least once - “Thanks, DD, this shirt didn’t have any snot on it yet!”  LOL.  I dont’ want them to put her on that major antibiotic again, cause a) I don’t think it’s a sinus infection b) it seems to make her catch the next cold even faster and c) it’s $65 on top of the $108 to take her into the office.  Of course, if she really needed it, I would pay the money, but I’m not going to do it just cause they can’t come up with a better idea.

Last night was my support group meeting, I get to leave the house at 7 pm and DH puts the kids to bed by 8:30 and you’d think he was giving me a kidney every week.  He did do the dishes and mostly clean up the kitchen (left 2 dirty skillets and a lid on the stove - WTH?). And bathed the kids, so I’ve ordered his medal.  LOL.

Anybody gotten their text file of entries yet?  It’s hard for me to get to the forums now that there’s no link, guess I will need to add one.

Food was so-so yesterday.  I stopped and got a little bag of twizzlers and some sunflower seeds, so I’m sure I’m up to my quota of salt for April. Mon night I made chicken breast stir fry.  Since LindaT got sick, cooking chicken is nerve-wracking for me!  I must have washed my hands 10 times, and I know I overcooked the ckn, but everyone’s ok, so made it through another meal.

Yesterday was 1 hr training.  I forgot to ask about the double chin/wattle.  He was nuts on arms and abs again and I’m feeling it today.  30 punches with each arm/5 lb weight each arm is not so bad, by the 3rd set, a little tough and wowee, can I feel my biceps/triceps today.  Oh and 3 sets of 40 of those things on your knees where you roll out on a wheel in your hands then magically engage abs and pull it back in. Normally this is my off day, but I’m so far behind on workouts this month, I think I will do a yoga session.  I got a freebie dvd from Body & Soul magazine that i just love, and it has 4 20 min segments to choose amongst.  Today is also laundry day which isn’t too mountainous since I actually did all the laundry last Wed.

I’ve got 20 tree seedlings to pick up Sat and not a single hole dug yet.  That will be a big project.

PS  I am FIFTY pounds lighter than my lifetime high weight.  Wow.

Good morning.  Restaurant City is down for maintenance this am, so I thought I would post.  I probably ought to do that everyday instead!  If you signed up for RC but aren’t really playing, please unlock your ingredients so we can trade them around.

Good cardio yesterday, but I had to take a couple breaks.  10 on bike, stretch out, 5 on elliptical, drink water, 10 more on elliptical, go to the restroom, then finally 17 mins straight. Today is my 1/2 hr training, but my training buddy is scheduled after me, so we’ll probably double up.  I know $17.50 is very reasonable for a 30 min training; it’s coming up with $700 at once that is so hard.

Got my sports bras from JMS yesterday and both fit.  The 42C is made a little big in the cups, but you can’t tell with all the compression going on.  I am a little irritated that they charge over $8 for s/h when they sent it regular mail for $2 in a cheapie envelope and didn’t even bother to take the plastic hangers off.  Oh well, the important thing is that the girls are prepped to start running in earnest.

My ankle was really bothering me yesterday.  If I still had decent insurance I would go to a foot/ankle doc and find out if I need an ankle or knee brace or if there’s something else to do.  I have a drugstore ankle brace somewhere, but lord knows I’ll never find it.  (Actually I just had a flash where it might be, I will check in a few).  Jinx says the ankle problems probably cause the knee soreness after running, so maybe the ankle brace will help in a couple ways.

I really want to get serious about the food angle.  I have 6 1/2 wks til the race, I could lose 10-15 lbs if I stopped goofing off with the food.  They had a green tea/hoodia supplement on sale half price yesterday and I bought one.  I know it’s mostly caffiene and the mental effect, but I need something to mark a starting point, if that makes sense.

My Dad will be here 6/13, and boy, I can’t wait to shock him.  He thought I looked good in LV, and that was 10 lbs ago!  :-)  Unfortunately the wattle isn’t going anywhere, need to ask Jinx about that, he mentioned building my neck muscles would burn more fat in that region.  Sounds wonky, but I gotta try something!

I also need to get serious about getting this website up and running.  I think it’s a great idea and we should be able to generate some ad revenue for sure; but I have to put the legwork in!  Same with the darned housework.  Obviously the website won’t solve our money woes, but it will make a dent.  It’s also helping me get up to speed on css (cascading style sheets) and new web design techniques.

DS has his extended tues session today, so I should have a nice solid block of time while DD naps; and I will do some nose-down work.

I’m pretty sure that’s not the real lyrics I’m thinking about (the Mamas & the Papas), but hey, it’s a title.

Got thru the storm - over 2 feet total. Very heavy and wet, so it started compacting and thawing almost as soon as it hit.  We have about 4 inches of slush left.  Drive 10 minutes towards town and it’s all gone.

I finally got to the gym Sun afternoon for my 42 min cardio.  Threw in some crunches and obliques.  It was my first workout since Mon, so long overdue.  I went again this morning - thank God dd is feeling better.  Just did cardio today and some serious stretching. An hour and a half of elliptical in a 15 hr time span really worked those quads!

189 again today, after floating around 190 this weekend.  I have a double training tomorrow morning.  They’re having a huge special on training.  $700 for 40 1/2 hr sessions.  $17.50 each?  That’s much less than I’ve paid before.  However, money is very tight around here, so I’m not sure I can justify $35 a week for much longer.  Not sure what to do.  They also give you a 4 night cruise, but I can’t even imagine what that would end up costing with childcare, etc.  Maybe if I could go alone?  Man, wouldn’t that be divine.  Anyway, the training is doing so much good for me, I need to figure out how to approach it.  For one thing, a single doctor’s appt now costs me about $200, so the training sessions should pay off, but it’s not a clear cut “savings” if you know what I mean.

Things around here are so-so.  DS was a huge PITA this morning (Pain In The A??), he ended up losing his tv time today. That’s usually harder on me than on him, but I was at my wit’s end.  He’s already asking if he can earn it back.  I’m so sick of these morning issues though.

I’ve got 3 blog posts in my head for my other blog.  I really have to sit down and punch them out.  I wrote about half of one the other day and the damned website ATE it.  ARGH.  3 posts a week would pay for the training; unfortunately lately I am running 3 posts a month!

I’ve got housework to do and lunches to make and all that jazz.  I managed to eat oatmeal for breaky, but then got a really bad lunch after my workout, so I need to watch it the rest of the day. I’ll be by to comment as the day progresses.

I’m just so excited!! None of you are on FB to tell right away!  189! That’s right — One Hundred and EIGHTY-nine pounds today!!  WoooooHOooooo!!

I honestly don’t know when I’ve last been in the 180’s Definitely not this century!!

Snowing like mad outside.  They’re currently forecasting maybe as much as 3 feet at my house before the storm runs out late Saturday night, or as “little” as 8-18″ - LOL  only in CO is 8 inches a “little” snow!  Colorado’s version of April showers. Preschool’s closed of course, and today is the extra 4 hr Friday Fun, so in my opinion, one of the worst days of the week for a snow day.

Sort of at a standoff around here.  We’re being civil.  I didn’t sleep much Wed night, most of it on the couch in front of the tv.  I finally watched a couple of the last  4 episodes of ER and just cried and cried.  I’m saving the one with Clooney and the finale for this weekend.

I’ll have to cancel my training.  I have the new Gold’s Gym Cardio for Wii to check out, I’ll report back later. I really need to remember that I can workout at home when I can’t get to the gym, it’s weird how that slips my mind.

I watch TBL last night,  I can’t believe Ron is still there.  I think they made the right call, even if Kristin is the biggest threat.  Surprised to see Sione gone, but doubt I will watch that episode now that I’ve watched this week.  I always enjoy the makeover show, but I wasn’t too impressed with any of the gals, except maybe Helen.  I wish they had talked her into shorter hair, but at least it looks a lot less like straw now.

Gotta run, get the kids settled in, just had to share right away!  If I had your phone numbers, I’d be dialing up a storm!  I’m more excited than I was by 199!  I’m just a few pounds away from the “overweight” category and leaving “obese” behind!

Tax day is winding down, and so am I.  I am doing marginally better today.  Had a run-in with DH today which ended with him telling me to leave him the “f” alone.  Oooooookay.  I don’t think he noticed, but I made up the bed in the guest room and I will sure as hell leave him alone for a while.  It was my fault in great part because we talk so rarely and it’s very hard for me to communicate if I know it will be confrontational. But that’s no excuse for talking to me that way.  I certainly would NEVER say that to him.

DD is sick AGAIN.  I am beginning to suspect the paci is more of a problem than a solution.  I thought letting her have it in the kids room at the gym and in public would keep her from sticking everythign else into her mouth, but now I wonder.   I’m not even sure how many colds this makes since xmas.  DH wanted me to call the doc today - she just started this cold on Easter Sunday! So this afternoon, I started hearing the congestion in DS’ voice and tonight, I am feeling very stuffy.  Oh JOY.  That and the 1 to 2 FEET of snow they are predicting for Fri/Sat have me in full cabin fever mode just from anticipation.  And then of course DH will come down with the “man-cold” version.  UGH.

Missing workouts is not helping my head or mood any either.  I NEVER EVER EVER thought I would say that one!  They laid off my fave kidsroom lady, so technically I could hire her to sit DD, but even though she’s reasonable $10-12 4x a week is out of the question.  I actually folded laundry standing up this week instead of while sitting on the couch!  Wow!

I don’t know if I ever shared this, but when things were bad 18 months ago, I just decided that I wasn’t going to make any big changes til DD was potty-trained.  That is starting to look like it might happen this year.  (waking up dry, admitting to having a dirty diaper when asked, signs like that).  That tells me I need a 1-year plan.  Perhaps planning and taking action will help me at least feel like I’m at the rudder of this ship.  2 most important things I can think of are health and finances - of course.  Continuing to get in shape and speeding up the weight release portion can only help in many ways - employability, energy, self-esteem, etc.

I still don’t want to start looking for full-time work yet though.  I am not willing to concede defeat on the stay at home mom thing yet.  Esp if the next 9-12 months will be my last chance at it.

DId anyone see Miley Cyrus on Ray-Ray this week?  I know it’s terribly adolescent, but I like her a lot.  (Billy Ray needs a haircut and a shave, but I do think he’s a heckuva songwriter.)  I was FURIOUS at Jaime Foxx for his totally uncalled for, rude and demeaning comments about her.  Anyone who saw Ray-Ray knows for sure she is still a kid!  The way she was totally un-self-conscious licking the marshmallow creme off the spoon, plus sneaking another spoonful just SCREAMED to me that she really still is a kid, AND deserves the right to stay one for a while.    Rant over….. at least for now.

Thank you all so much for all the support.  I can’t tell you what each of your friendships means to me.  Love you LOTS!

PS  weight still up a little, but down from Monday.  193 to be exact. Today was better though.

The earlier I wake up to have some time to myself, the earlier DD wakes up.  :p

Yes, we had about 4-6″ snow on Easter Sunday.  It was 60 yesterday so a lot of it is gone.  I’m up 4 lbs, but I think it’s a combo of ham, my period and too much candy. Nearly all the candy is gone now (thanks to DH), and I am sick of feeling ill, so today should be a better day.

Last Thurs, I went for my trainer session and he told me the 20 yr-old cancelled that morning cause she was TOO SORE from Tuesday.  LOL!  I loved it.

Linda got me started on this cool new FB game called Restaurant City.  Of course, now it won’t load and support is nonexistant.  Ugh.  I didn’t need another time-waster anyway.  But it was fun for the 3 days I could play it!

DH and I are on the outs again.  Ugh. He’s such a jerk. Enough said.

I have been struggling this past week with food. I’ve been eating a lot of crap, which makes my body feel ill.  I haven’t been working out much - only 4 workouts in for April so far.  DD is sick AGAIN.  She was healthy almost a whole week this time. I wish it would get warm enough to kill off most of the cold viruses.

I am thinking about going back to work.  Obviously, staying home is not what I had hoped.  I don’t really enjoy playing sword & shields.  In 8 months, I haven’t gotten a single project done (except working out).  I dislike the financial instability and know that I can support us, as I have always done.  I had really wanted to change my life, but I think I’m just too lazy to actually pull it off.  My house/office/everything is a mess and I don’t do anything about it.  We haven’t gone and done anything as a family in over 4 months.  The only time all 4 of us are together is for 15 minutes 2 or 3 times a week at the dinner table. Sometimes for 10 minutes outside once in a while.  DH seems to think if I am around he should run the other direction.  I’m sitting here in tears.  I’m acknowledging how much pain I am in for the first time in a while.

And now it’s 7:30 and I have to start the launch sequence. I WILL eat breakfast today, with lots of protein and hopefully that will set the food up on the right course.  I need to go to the grocery today too. I’ll try to pop by and comment, but I am starting to loathe the difficulties in our new community.  Thankfully Renee and Linda have completed link lists to us all, so I can at least start at one of their blogs and try to check in on everyone.

It’s trite, but it is the 1st day of the rest of my life.  I need to change my attitude.  I don’t like feeling resentful. I want to keep my house nice for myself and my children so I will do the best I can do myself.  I don’t want to keep score, I want to do housework “for fun and for free”.  He does do the kid’s baths 95% of the time and all the maintanance on 7 acres and a 45 yr old house.  And we have closed circuit tv on the front door, play area, kids room and family room and other cool geeky stuff like that!

It’s cloudy here and supposed to rain.  Rainy, cloudy days are SO rare in CO that I just cherish them. So glad it’s rain and not snow!

Really sore (2 tylenol) upper body yesterday (and obliques).  I went to the mall Tues night as planned and got a 15 min chair massage, which wasn’t an hour, but was pretty yummy.  Unfortunately I could not find a 42B to try on or any staff to assist me at Penney’s or Dillards.   I may try again, or I may order from JMS for now.  I am now DESPERATE for a serious sports bra.  It will kill me to pay $60 for one.

Workout today - just 30 mins alone.  At least he BETTER NOT have little Ashley join me!  I am doing 2 double workouts next week with Robin.  I’m actually kinda psyched.  I can’t believe I’m turning into some kind of gymrat! It still doesn’t feel totally authentic, but I’m hoping it will begin to.

I think signing up for Steamboat had that same weird effect on me that making a ticker on 3FC used to do.  It’s like it demotivates me or something.  But We are still going (Note: Gotta make campground res!) and even if I walk/run it I will still have done it.  I contacted our HS about their track and she gave me 3 middle schools that have open track times - but of course I haven’t contacted them.  One more thing on the list.  The cardio and strength training can only keep helping. It’s still 8 wks away from Easter.

My fit day software says if I continue like I have the past 4 months, I’ll be 176 by the 4th of July.  Yikes.

I wonder how much more wattle-y my double chin will become?

Ok, I gotta start the launch countdown! Have great days chickies!