Seeking Support

Hi All.  194 this am - again.  Not posting here has a direct coorelation to the weight loss.  Just stalls out when I’m not checking in.  And I’ve been doing a lot of sneaking treats — bad, bad sign.  I’m a bit stressed about finances,  but really not much more than last week.

The prospective minister was really quite good last weekend.  I think he will be a good fit for our church.  It was nice to get the spiritual fix that I joined the church for, but has been sadly missing most services since our last minister left last summer. I got recruited to babysit his 3 kids for free for a few hours today — at somebody else’s house.  I’m a little resentful.  It’s just assumed since I don’t work for someone else, I should be free and delighted to watch strangers who are 2 (diapers!), 4 and 6 years old.  The person setting it up even told me the new minister “asked for joe x’s wife cause he met joe x and really liked him a lot”.  But she didn’t even call her, so why did she tell me that?   I’m chopped liver?

So, gotta get DS up and through his morning routine and drop him at preschool, then pack up DD and I guess some toys and head down to this other congregants’ house.  It also means I miss my workout today.  But, I must keep my mind in the right place - I do like the minister and want them to work out, and I wouldn’t want to drag my kids all over town to 4 different schools to try and decide where to house hunt.  It’s only 3 hrs out of my life and as long as I keep an eagle eye on all 4 kids, everything should be fine.

The food sneaking is a bad, bad thing and I don’t know what’s triggering it. Get a candy bar at checkout and hide it in my purse til after the kids go to bed type of stuff.  Not helpful at all.

My workout partner didn’t show yesterday due to the little storm that blew in, so I only had a 30 min workout.  He was all core and it sucked and then trying to get my cardio done was the biggest struggle it has been in weeks.

Yes, we had a couple inches of snow yesterday, following our foot and a half on Thurs/Fri.  Yes, it’s March.  This is normal for CO though frustrating every year when I’m ready for spring.  It is a great thing though, because the forest was very dry and you don’t want to go into summer already having red flag warnings for wildfires.

Wed night is my RE team meeting and potluck with the minister and his family.  Sat night will be a church-wide potluck with the kids.  I also get resentful sometimes about being the only parent trying to get them a spiritual base.  It’s tough to take them to this stuff alone all the time.  Wah-wah-wah - why am I so whiney today?  Resentments are the WORST thing for my peace of mind, and therefore weight struggle.

I’m sorry I’ve been missing.  I imagine my journal chick friends clicking through and being disappointed there’s no new post.  It worries me that people will stop checking my blog if I don’t post daily, or at least M-F.

Did I mention I will have to miss my workout this morning for the babysitting gig?  Tomorrow’s my tooth implant evaluation (postponed due to blizzard), and I don’t know how that will work with DD and gym, etc.

It’s 7:30, gotta go get the boy up and start the morning battle.  Ugh.  We don’t watch any tv in the morning - I found out pretty quickly that was a bad thing for both getting him up and for his behavior at preschool.   I hope you’re all in a better mind-set than I am this AM!

My measurements say I am a 42B.  I’ve never been a b in my life.  I went from a training bra to a C cup in about 6 weeks when I was 13. And have the faded old stretchmarks to prove it.  It truly is liberating to have an anon blog!  LOL.

193.5 this am.  Not going the right direction, I need to pay more attention to the BLT’s (bites, licks and tastes) of being around the kitchen all the time.

No zoo today - cold snap instead.  It’s up to  26 degrees at 10 am.  I would have needed at least 40.  Supposed to get a big storm tomorrow.  We truly need the snow, and I’ve been praying for it but that doesn’t mean I have to love the whole experience, does it?

Lots to do and we’re just finally all dressed.  I’ll comment when I have a chance.

PS. I don’t particularly like this scheme, but the Green Dog that I want doesn’t have an admin button and displays blogroll all screwy.   I need to post it over on the blog forum.  I was able to import my blogrolling blog without using a widget, so that was nice.  I just started adding you guys last night, as you can tell.

I’m awake an hour before the alarm.  It’s ok, it might be my only minutes to myself today.  It was cold yesterday and by the time I was ready to go out with the kids - it was spitting snow, so we never went outside.  It makes a huge difference in their behavior come the “witching hour” of 4-6 pm.  I let them watch too much tv - I really need to be stricter about that.  Once the tv’s off for the day, they are very needy for a while, then they begin to entertain themselves.

I didn’t decide to stay home to do housework, but it seems I get caught up in that at the expense of quality time with the kids.  And, let’s face it, quality time with 1 & 5 yr old is hard to keep coming up with.  I just don’t really enjoy playing batcave for more than 20 mins!  DD gets upset if I play over the “wall” in DS’ area of the family room anyway.  We try to keep his big kid toys segregated so she doesn’t eat/scatter/destroy them.

I  will take them to the gym again today.  It’s been crazy busy in there lately - like 44 kids with 2 adults. With DS there, I don’t worry so much about DD getting run over.  They still enjoy it though and I need a good, sweaty cardio session.

I need to work on our new website, but it is so hard to work on a project like that in 15 minute chunks of time.  And honestly, I am spending WAY too much time on FB these days.  I need to put myself on a restriction for that.  Housework is behind as always.

Food is undetermined as of yet.  Probably a protein smoothie for breaky, sandwich and fruit for lunch, who knows what for dinner.  Maybe a pot roast.

I need the cardio to get in a better place in my head.  Gosh, who would have ever thought I would feel that way?  Oh, and 193 again today.  And I need to make an appt with the oral surgeon for an evaluation for an implant.   Ick.  Onward and upward.  I will comment here and there throughout the day.  I am quite sure I am missing a lot of posts, these blogs are very much more time consuming than the journals (about twice as long for checking in and commenting, I’d guess).  But I’m glad to still have all of your support.

Today was Brian’s birthday. He would have been 47.  I called his sis, but haven’t heard back.  I am beginning to be more accepting of his passing.  I guess the old-fashioned 1 year of mourning is based in heart truth.

193 this am.  That’s ok, I figured the 191.5 was dehydration or something, but it was still nice to see.  Onward and downward - that’s what matters.

1 hour dual workout with the trainer this am, gotta get cracking.  Also need a grocery list so I can shop on the way home.  And I need to leave here in an hour!  I’ll try to post more later.

Spring break for DS this week and of course the weather has turned to crap.  Just not fair when it’s been so gorgeous for weeks, but I will be grateful for the moisture and figure something else out for the boy.

191.5 today!  Wow whee! 2.5 lbs in a day but also the end of TOM, so maybe some of it is water, some of it loss from the week of pain.  I could healthfully be in the 180’s this month!

Ok, gotta stop focusing on it.  If I’ve learned anything from the past, it’s if I start getting focused on the number too much, all hell will break loose.  The important things are eating good, nourishing foods and being active enough.   I still can’t work out today, but I can certainly take a hike!

Still some pain, but a huge improvement over yesterday.  DH let me sleep in til 9! I’m sure that will help the healing process as much as anything else I can do.  I really needed it after my Friday.

I believe my darling daughter has hit the terrible two’s.  I remember finding out when DS was this age that if often starts closer to 18 months.  DD is 10x worse than DS was, at least so far.  She is so insistent on having everything HER WAY.  There were a bunch of examples of that yesterday, but last night took the cake.  She came out into the sunroom after dinner and started pointing and grunting at the tv, which is her way of saying she wants to watch an Elmo DVD.  I told her “no, we don’t watch tv after dinner” and we went back and forth a few times, with her getting more upset each time I said no, and then ended in a total meltdown.  She must have cried for an hour, nothing would comfort her (except maybe the tv and NO WAY was I giving in after all that).   Daddy couldn’t even get her to stop and usually she’ll do ANYTHING for Daddy. It really tries me.  I know it’s a normal stage, but I am not looking forward to the next few months of this.

I desperately need some new bras.  My new 44Cs are just swimming in the 46D bras!  Ideally, I’d like to actually go to a dept store and either get fitted or AT LEAST try them on before I buy.  However, with DH’s cold and DS’s spring break, I will probably just order a couple of cheapies online and hope for the best.  The $5 16W mom jeans (elastic waist) I got this month without trying are actually too big already.  Must be mis-marked or it’s the “W” sizing.

I must get on with the day.  My darling hubby cleaned the kitchen up while I slept in, so thankfully that’s off my morning list. Hugs to all the chickies.  Make good choices today!

194.0 today!  yippee.  I think I can see a 18* on the horizon.

Tooth is pretty painful, even with the meds.  I only slept about 3:30 - 7.  I don’t know why, but I experience more pain than most people with my teeth it seems.  C-sections - no big deal, they hardly slowed  me down - but a dental problem just plain hurts!

The dentist called this morning to check on me, which I thought was terrific.  He gave me his cell number yesterday and told me to call last night if needed, and today he reiterated that he would be available all weekend, even if I just had a question.  I like real, old-fashioned care!

I’m scared to eat, but am taking liquids.  I may have to grab some ensure or boost at lunchtime if I can’t get something more in me, but I have a can of the kids’ spaghettios that sound good and soft (not a great choice, but I’m sick of oatmeal).  I hate this. In another 12-36 hours it will be gone.

The microwave died at 3 this morning. Started making a loud noise and smelled bad.  Is someone trying to tell me to go back to a real paycheck?  $800 car repair, $150 tooth extraction (with ~$1500 for implant coming up), and now the over-the-range microwave/vent dies - probably a couple hundred there — all this in one month.

It’s very hard to write a blog post or design a website on narcotics!  DD’s not being very cooperative - very diva-like this morning.  I think she’s tired, which hopefully means a good long nap.  DS is at Friday fun til 3:15, so maybe momma can grab a nap.  I’m sure it would help the healing.

teeth left, that is.  32 to begin, 4 wisdom removed years ago and now #18 is gone.

I went to the endo-whatever (can you imagine they now have guys who do nothing but root canals all day long?) and we had a long chat - I really liked him.  The tooth just wasn’t worth root canal’ing and crowning - it probably wouldn’t have lasted very long.  The tooth root was dinged when my wisdom was removed decades ago and yada, yada, yada.  So, I went home, put DH to bed (he’d been up 24 hrs plus), called the sitter and took the kids down there, drove back to original dentist and he pried it out.  Not a great deal of fun but actually less uncomfortable than a root canal and certainly quicker.  I did get some good painkillers, so it should all be good as long as I don’t get a dry socket.

So here I sit with a big gaping hole in my jaw.  This should continue to make food easier for a couple more days. 195 again today, but TOM is still here, so we’ll see come Sat where I really stand.

I got a good sweaty 42 minutes of cardio done today.  It distracted me from my tooth.  My trainer went home before I got there - he was sick.  It was ok, I really didn’t relish 30 minutes of working hard with the throbbing tooth.  Surprisingly, I am not allowed to work out for 3 days.  I guess too much vigorous exercise can dislodge the blood clot.  I certainly don’t want dry socket, so I’m off the gym Fri/Sat/Sun.

I’ve tried to catch up on blogs and I keep finding some I haven’t seen or at least I think I do.  If I’m not commenting to you - holler at me here and I’ll rectify.

I’m off to bed with another vicodin.  Night-night, ladies.

Ugh, as dreaded, it appears the tooth either needs a root canal or an extraction.  Appt with specialist tomorrow.  Oh, and I can take motrin for pain. Yeah, thanks a lot for that little tidbit.  Too bad addicts have made it impossible to get a decent pain reliever when you really need one.

Ok, it’s 1:30 and I’m just now posting.  I have got to do something different so I have time to comment and post in the morning.  It was an awful morning with DS and I lost my cool after a night of broken sleep and continuing pain from the toothache.  I yelled so mean-sounding that DD started to cry so of course I felt like a wicked witch.   Anybody have any suggestions for mornings?  He has a ‘morning routine’ checklist and knows if he gets all ready quickly, he can play after that. I’m going to put him to bed early tonight and see if that helps.  It makes me mad too that I say “get dressed” and chances are better than average that he won’t do it - but if DADDY says it, it’s a different result!

I have to own my part of it too.  I HAVE to start turning off the lights by 10:30 and getting to sleep myself.  And I need to get organized before that so mornings can be a little calmer, smoother, etc.  Writing here really helps me center myself so it’s an important part of my routine.

I get so overwhelmed with my to-dos that I just kinda spin and get nothing done.  This afternoon I need to teach myself a new php templating system of building web pages.  LOL.  We’re putting up a site that hopefully will generate some ad bucks.  I’m afraid that a little here and a little there just isn’t going to cut it. But I’m trying to put my full effort into it.

They had a sale on Bison and 92% lean natural beef, so I mixed a few pounds together and froze it into 3/4 lb packages and no one has noticed anything different about it!  Sneaky Mommy/Wife!

Food will probably not be an issue today since it hurts to eat.  It is supposed to be one of my days off but I might get in a Wii workout later for my mental health!  Bye.

Erin Go Braugh!

Good morning ladies.  195.0 again today, but it’s ok because TOM arrived to visit me, and he always brings lots of water.  I should probably just stay off the scale for a couple days.  I will do plenty of crunches this morning, I found last month that they seemed to make the cramps and bleeding both shorter. Of course, my trainer pushed me to do about 200 of various styles last month, I’m not sure I can/will do that many without him breathing over me. I am down to 12 prepaid sessions left.   The 1st of April I have to decide if I am going to 1 double session a week or just going to keep up with my 2 sessions (90 mins) a week and pray I’ll find the money for more when it runs out.  I cannot fathom giving him up yet.  It’s been such a totally different experience with a trainer vs. doing it alone.

Onward and upward.  If I would write 3 dlife posts a week, I could afford 2 sessions a week.  That was one of the reasons I delayed setting up here.  I was going to try to post more over there instead.  Another thing I keep talking about but don’t actually take action on!

I looked over my weight loss graphs in my fit day software and was very pleasantly surprised to find that I have been losing about 5.5 lbs a month very consistently the past 4 months. It appears I’m doing it the right way.

I’m starting to get very nervous about the family finances.  God knows I don’t want to go back to the corporate grind, but it’s beginning to look like I might need to.  Which I resent.

I gotta run, it’s already 7:45 and nobody is eating or dressed.

• Workout
• Grocery store
• Bathrooms
• File for unemploy
• Pay bills