Seeking Support

Tax day is winding down, and so am I.  I am doing marginally better today.  Had a run-in with DH today which ended with him telling me to leave him the “f” alone.  Oooooookay.  I don’t think he noticed, but I made up the bed in the guest room and I will sure as hell leave him alone for a while.  It was my fault in great part because we talk so rarely and it’s very hard for me to communicate if I know it will be confrontational. But that’s no excuse for talking to me that way.  I certainly would NEVER say that to him.

DD is sick AGAIN.  I am beginning to suspect the paci is more of a problem than a solution.  I thought letting her have it in the kids room at the gym and in public would keep her from sticking everythign else into her mouth, but now I wonder.   I’m not even sure how many colds this makes since xmas.  DH wanted me to call the doc today - she just started this cold on Easter Sunday! So this afternoon, I started hearing the congestion in DS’ voice and tonight, I am feeling very stuffy.  Oh JOY.  That and the 1 to 2 FEET of snow they are predicting for Fri/Sat have me in full cabin fever mode just from anticipation.  And then of course DH will come down with the “man-cold” version.  UGH.

Missing workouts is not helping my head or mood any either.  I NEVER EVER EVER thought I would say that one!  They laid off my fave kidsroom lady, so technically I could hire her to sit DD, but even though she’s reasonable $10-12 4x a week is out of the question.  I actually folded laundry standing up this week instead of while sitting on the couch!  Wow!

I don’t know if I ever shared this, but when things were bad 18 months ago, I just decided that I wasn’t going to make any big changes til DD was potty-trained.  That is starting to look like it might happen this year.  (waking up dry, admitting to having a dirty diaper when asked, signs like that).  That tells me I need a 1-year plan.  Perhaps planning and taking action will help me at least feel like I’m at the rudder of this ship.  2 most important things I can think of are health and finances - of course.  Continuing to get in shape and speeding up the weight release portion can only help in many ways - employability, energy, self-esteem, etc.

I still don’t want to start looking for full-time work yet though.  I am not willing to concede defeat on the stay at home mom thing yet.  Esp if the next 9-12 months will be my last chance at it.

DId anyone see Miley Cyrus on Ray-Ray this week?  I know it’s terribly adolescent, but I like her a lot.  (Billy Ray needs a haircut and a shave, but I do think he’s a heckuva songwriter.)  I was FURIOUS at Jaime Foxx for his totally uncalled for, rude and demeaning comments about her.  Anyone who saw Ray-Ray knows for sure she is still a kid!  The way she was totally un-self-conscious licking the marshmallow creme off the spoon, plus sneaking another spoonful just SCREAMED to me that she really still is a kid, AND deserves the right to stay one for a while.    Rant over….. at least for now.

Thank you all so much for all the support.  I can’t tell you what each of your friendships means to me.  Love you LOTS!

PS  weight still up a little, but down from Monday.  193 to be exact. Today was better though.

Today was Brian’s birthday. He would have been 47.  I called his sis, but haven’t heard back.  I am beginning to be more accepting of his passing.  I guess the old-fashioned 1 year of mourning is based in heart truth.

teeth left, that is.  32 to begin, 4 wisdom removed years ago and now #18 is gone.

I went to the endo-whatever (can you imagine they now have guys who do nothing but root canals all day long?) and we had a long chat - I really liked him.  The tooth just wasn’t worth root canal’ing and crowning - it probably wouldn’t have lasted very long.  The tooth root was dinged when my wisdom was removed decades ago and yada, yada, yada.  So, I went home, put DH to bed (he’d been up 24 hrs plus), called the sitter and took the kids down there, drove back to original dentist and he pried it out.  Not a great deal of fun but actually less uncomfortable than a root canal and certainly quicker.  I did get some good painkillers, so it should all be good as long as I don’t get a dry socket.

So here I sit with a big gaping hole in my jaw.  This should continue to make food easier for a couple more days. 195 again today, but TOM is still here, so we’ll see come Sat where I really stand.

I got a good sweaty 42 minutes of cardio done today.  It distracted me from my tooth.  My trainer went home before I got there - he was sick.  It was ok, I really didn’t relish 30 minutes of working hard with the throbbing tooth.  Surprisingly, I am not allowed to work out for 3 days.  I guess too much vigorous exercise can dislodge the blood clot.  I certainly don’t want dry socket, so I’m off the gym Fri/Sat/Sun.

I’ve tried to catch up on blogs and I keep finding some I haven’t seen or at least I think I do.  If I’m not commenting to you - holler at me here and I’ll rectify.

I’m off to bed with another vicodin.  Night-night, ladies.