Confessions of a Bulk Eater

ARGHHHHHH….  take a few days off of exercising and I have a 5lb gain!  5 LBS!!   WTF is that all about!  I keep telling myself that I was pumped so full of fluids on Tuesday that by body is still trying to get rid of them (which could be true b/c my fingers are still a little swollen) but methinks that it’s just wishful thinking.

This is what I hate about deiting and my body.  If I don’t exercise EVERY DAY, any progress I made gets thrown out the window.  It’s like my metabolism is non-existant and even if I eat lettuce 3 times a day I still have a gain if there is no exercise.  And you know what… I don’t have TIME to exercise every night.  Or if I do, I sure don’t feel like doing it, or hubby gives me some sort of attitude b/c oh no.. I’m going to go running again (really, support is nonexistant in my house). 

Blah… sorry for the early morning rant.  I just get so frustrated sometimes.  Why can’t I just live my life the way I want and lose the weight I want!!  Plus I’m frustrated b/c I’ve really wanted to run the past few days but I know I am not up to it yet.  Being at work all day yesterday destoyed me… I went to bed at 8:30 last night.  I feel better today though. Hopefully i”ll be back to normal and running next week.

or does it seem like most of us have sort of lost our mojo.  Maybe it’s just me.  I know that the past 4-5 weeks I have been in another place.  I was doing so well and on track and then all of a sudden, I’m not.  I’m all off focus and I can’t seem to get that focus back.  I am not exercising as much (I’m lucky if I run once a week), I am def not counting calories, and no matter how much I gear myself up, I can’t get back into the swing of it.   I haven’t been blogging, which is very unlike me.  Blah….

I need a good swift kick in the ass!!  Maybe once next week is over and done with, I can get back.   Why do I need to wait until after next week?  Well, I’m headed up to see the band again for St. Patty’s Day weekend so the alcohol will be a-flowin’ (those of you on facebook, be ready for pictures!!).   Good news about the band though– the insanely hot guitarist I am in love with WILL be playing that weekend!  Last weekend was supposed to be his last, but both clubs they are playing at next weekend want to throw him a farewell party, so he will be playing both nights!!  WOO HOO!!!!   I’m going to tell myself that it’s because I will be there since I emailed him lamenting the fact that I wouldn’t get to see him (pathetic groupie).  Whatever gets me through the day, right?

Anyway…  I digress.    Mojo — I need it.  I am so close to my goal.  I got into a pair of 14’s last week!!  I can wear shirts I haven’t been able to wear in 3 years!!  And yet… I find myself eating chili cheese nachos at 10pm after gorging on tortilla chips and chocolate earlier in the day.  I have convinced myself that tortilla chips are the work of Satan.  

Finally stepped on the scale this morning. I usually do my “official” weigh in on Mondays, but it was too cold Monday morning. Then yesterday, I forgot until AFTER I was fully dressed. So today, I did it… 190.6!! At this rate, I may just make my goal of being in the low 180’s by the time I go back to NY in March. I guess I’ll need to be extra diligent in my eating and exercise. Of course I have a weekend of drinking coming up (next weekend) but there will be dancing involved so all the calories I consume in my liquor will be gotten rid of right away!

I ran on Monday night. I made it the full 2 miles without having to stop and walk! WOO!! Helped that I was running with a friend. I will probably go tonight. A friend of mine is hosting a Valentines 5k on Saturday down by the lake so I will more than likely do that.

Oh, and Valentines Day… yeah, get to spend it with the in-laws. Woo. I guess they bought a house down here (they live in TX) so they are coming in this weekend to sign the papers and they want us to see the house. BUT….. my husband told me that he wants to take me shopping this weekend!! He’s been noticing that it is time for me to get some new bras (the ones I have were bought right before I went back to work after having the baby - 2 years and about 30lbs ago) WOO HOO!! He never tells me this, so I am looking forward to it. I’ll take that as my VDay present.

Speaking of… I’ve totally avoided the candy thus far. There aren’t as many people in our office anymore, so there isn’t as much going on. The challenge will be when the kids bring home their things on Friday after their parties. Well, the baby has a party (have to make cookies) My 6yr old just has to bring in cards. In years past, I have confiscated all the candy, eaten all the chocolate myself and then hidden the rest. I will try to avoid the chocolate this year.

Okay, I know… I’ve been a crappy blogger lately. I’ve had a lot going on as of late. Hubby being out of town, work.. blah blah. My appetite has been weird as well. I’ll get hungry, but then when I go to eat, I’m no longer hungry. So I haven’t been eating all that much, but I’ve been losing. Hubby was back today though so I am back on track food wise and cooking wise.

Breakfast: WW Breakfast Quesadilla — 220k
Lunch: Lean Cuisine — guessing 310k
Dinner: Turkey & Chickpea Burgers — 310k

Updated to add that I ate a bowl of cereal around 10pm last night. I was hungry and I knew I was low on my calories. I still ended up low, but oh well.
a few Alexia fries (like 3)

I am low on calories and should eat something else. I also ran 2 miles, so I really should eat something. I just don’t know what. Blah….

Okay, I’m sure all the northerners will now start throwing things at me. But really, I’m tired of being cold. This is why I don’t move out of FL… I don’t like to be cold. I don’t want to be cold. So why is it cold?!!

Anyway, I have some news. From Jan 1 - Feb 1, I lost a total of 7 lbs!! YAY!!!! It could have been more if I had been more diligent some weeks, but I am fine with that! Perhaps by the end of Feb, I will be down in the 180’s. I’m hoping running will get easier as the weight keeps coming off…although I feel that I had some of my better runs at a heavier weight. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not eating the right foods to fuel myself now, or what, but it’s a struggle. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to run more than 2 miles. I’d like too, but I just don’t see it now. But I’m not trying to focus on that… trying to focus on not struggling to run 2 miles.

So my husband is away all week on a buisness trip. He left yesterday for training in Clearwater today though Monday, and then his team is flying from Tampa to Indianapolis on Wednesday for actual work and he will be back on Friday. This is the longest that I will be on my own with the kids. That sounds weird… like I’m scared to be with my kids. I’m not, but my kids are handfuls and it is difficult at times with 2 of us around!! I know I’m going to be in for a frustrating week. And since he is gone, that means I will need to be creative with my exercise time. I took the kids for a 3 mile walk yesterday. My son rode his scooter. The rest of the week, I’m going to go to the gym since they have a kids area. I stopped going in the evenings during the school year because number one, I really don’t feel like going AFTER work. And two, it got to be chaotic with gym time, then having to cook, and getting the kids bathed and my son’s homework done, etc etc. So I decided that I am not cooking this week!! The kids will eat cereal (because that is what they want anyway so why should I waste my time cooking) and I will eat Lean Cuisine. I hate to survive a week on processed food, but it saves time and energy.

Official weigh in today was 198.8. I went up a bit from the middle of the week, but we had a pizza fest yesterday so that was to be expected. STILL UNDER 200 THOUGH!! WOOT!! It’s all downhill from here!!!

Breakfast is oatbran with blueberries. Lunch is Chicken Taco Salad (yes, it makes a ton so I’m STILL eating it!!) with an orange and yogurt for snack sometime today. Dinner will be whichever Lean Cuisine I am in the mood for tonight.

UPDATE: Calories were 1208 (no wonder I was hungry last night). I ran a 5k on the treadmill last night. I finished in 39:20, which I was proud of because I walked quite a bit. And I almost flew off the treadmill at one point. It was a little embarrassing. Oh well.

I did 10 miles on the stationary bike tonight. That counts, right? Right? Of course it does. I needed to give my knees a break from running so I figured I’d go to the gym and hop on the bike. I felt funny going to the gym to ride a bike when mine was sitting right there, but it has been rainy and cold here, plus I hate doing things like that in the dark. SO, off to the gym I went. 50 minutes on the bike and 10 miles later, I had burned 500 calories according to my handy dandy heart rate monitor.

Calories today is low. I am under 1000 right now. I’m hungry, but it’s 10pm and I really don’t feel like eating something right now. So I’ll deal with it and hope this will jump start weight loss a little. The good news is that by going 10 miles tonight, I can take a break tomorrow if I feel like it. I think my body is telling me to take a break. Plus the National Championship game is on tomorrow GO GATORS!!! so I won’t want to do anything tomorrow night but watch the football game.

Breakfast: oatbran - 120k, 1/2 cup blueberries - 40k

Lunch: Vegetable Lasagne - 247k

Snack - flatbread thingy from Jason’s deli that I found hidden in my desk - 50k
As of now (3:04pm) I am WAY down on my calories, and that of course includes dinner which I haven’t eaten yet. I want to run tonight, but I’m defintely not going to get there if I don’t consume some more calories to give me food. I don’t want to just chow on junk food, but at the moment I am so hungry I wouldn’t be able to resist. I must resist the christmas cookies at home and opt for something else like cereal. Suggestions anyone? I have an hour left until I get out of work and that’s when trouble will start.

Dinner - Tomato Alphabet Soup - 175k

1. Run or do some sort of exercise every day - (this will be tough b/c it’s TOM and Christmas and dark when I get home all rolled into one)

2. Stick to eating 1200-1550 calories a day - this will be tough too since it’s Christmas

3. STOP EATING CHRISTMAS COOKIES!!!

I’m trying to get myself under control. It’s time (again). I was so close to being under 200 and then I totally ruined it. I don’t know what the damage is, and I don’t want to know. I’m going to get through this week and next and then I’m going to join the weight loss group I was in back in the summer with my former neighbor. With the paycut I’m facing, I’m having to give up my gym membership. I’m coming to terms with that — IT’S OKAY!! I have taken to running better than I thought so I’ll continue with that. I do have Debbie Siebers Slim in 6, which if you do it consistantly, gives you really good toning results. AND……… since we had been in an upstairs apartment, I totally forgot I had this: DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!!! Oh yeah, it’s time to bust out the dance pad and dance my weight away.

My goal right now is to run 3-4 days a week, and throw either the video or the DDR or BOTH in on the other days. The challenge is to carve out the time to do it.

I miss all you guys. I tried to catch up on everyone’s blog the other day, but ran out of time. We have a short work week this week (THANK GOD) and then next week NO ONE will be in the office, so I’ll be able to get my internet surfing caught up that week!!

Spinning, spinning out of control. I need to get a handle on it, but I’m not sure how to right now.

First off, the time with my dad was great. He did a ton of demo at our house and right now, we have NO landscaping in our yard (except for 1 large oak tree, 4 crepe myrtles, and 2 hedges that didn’t need CPR to stay alive) That seems like a lot, but it’s not. We also have about 30 contractor trash bags lined up on the side of our house full of trees and bushes and mulch waiting to be picked up. We didn’t have time to plant anything, but he is going to draw some stuff up and send it to us so we know what to do.

Secondly, like I said, my eating is out of control. Snacking, snacking, snacking… on junk, junk, junk. I guess the first step is acknowleging the problem, right? Now I have to actually stop.

Things are a little stressful. We found out yesterday that effective Jan 1, everyone in our company will be recieving a 20% pay cut. It’s better than not having any job, but still. That means we have to cut back… and the only place to cut back is our gym memberships. I hate to do it because paying is motivation for going to the gym, but I would rather be able to feed my kids, ya know. So now i have to make myself start running for real outside (SCARY!!) and doing my videos again I guess. It’s just having the motivation — and I sure won’t be doing it first thing in the morning anymore. It will be in the evenings, which will be tough.

And I also need to figure out a way to eat healthy on a budget. Let’s face it, usually the cheapest food is the stuff that isn’t all that great for you (hello, ramen noodles) Does anyone else have any ideas? Anyone else going through this?

So for now I’m just hanging out. I’ve missed you guys over the past week. It will take me awhile to get caught up since my time at work is limited now that I’m doing 4 people’s workloads.