Hi, Fay, is it? How have you been? It must have been tough to once be a hurricane and have been downgraded to a tropical storm. Can’t be a boost to your self-esteem. But you know what, it’s okay. Not everyone needs to be a hurricane. And really, it’s not our fault that you became a tropical storm. I mean, you decided to stay in Cuba for awhile and sort of get yourself all disorganized. There isn’t much water (only 90 miles) between Cuba and Key West, and unfortunately, you decided to take that route. You could have stayed over the Gulf indefinitely and made yourself a monster. Yes, yes.. we are happy that didn’t happen. Thanks for that. But really, is sticking around in Florida really making you feel better? You’ve parked yourself over on the East Coast for some reason. Have you shacked up with some hot lifeguard over on the beach? Heh.. can’t say I blame you . I can point you to one in Cocoa if you want me too. But really, I think it’s time to find somewhere new. Spread your wings. Get out there in the open water of the Atlantic and let it take you somewhere fun and exciting!! Yes, yes.. Florida is supposed to be fun and exciting, but you have sort of brought us down. We can’t do anything when you’re around. And we Floridians have gotten good and hunkering down during storms over the past few years. There aren’t very many around anymore that get out on the bridges and such during the hurricanes anymore. I know they used too, but I think we’ve gotten a little smarter than that. Not only that but there aren’t very many native Floridians anymore. Most people are transplants from somewhere up north who get freaked out over wind and rain. Those of us who are a little jaded, well, we just get annoyed. You’re antics really aren’t appreciated anymore.

So look, you’ve dumped rain on the entire state, flooded towns, and have even wrecked havoc on the sea turtles. We just can’t do this anymore. I think it’s time we go our separate ways. We’ll stay here and you can move on warmer waters. Now, now… we won’t forget you. Trust me, we’ll be thinking about you and talking about you for years to come. Please don’t make this harder than it already is. We need a break.

Good luck wherever you end up. No, no.. please, don’t call. Don’t visit. It will make it that much harder. Oh don’t worry about us. I’m sure there will be a storm right behind you to help heal the pain.

Toodles!!

The State of Florida