Confessions of a Bulk Eater

I do know when I’ll be home again though, and it is way too soon.

I am leaving tomorrow for a weekend visit to my friend in Rochester, NY. Sort of a great story — I have known this lady for geez, 7 years now since we were on a pregnancy message board when we were pregnant with our sons. They were both due in June so we met on an ivillage message board. Anyway, through pregnancy, birth of our sons, our particular board going through upheveal and some of us moving to a new one, and going through a lot of the same stuff in our personal life around the same time, we started talking on the phone about 5 years ago. We met face to face for the first time last summer and are now the best of friends. We talk every day on the phone (multiple times some days) and I have been up there, well, this will be the 4th time. Now, there is another reason to go up there… she is friends with members of this awesome local band up there. I saw them for the first time last summer and I am HOOKED!! If I didn’t go up there multiple times a year, I don’t know what I’d do. She calls me from the shows everyonce in awhile and lets me listen through the cell phone. Don’t know what I’m going to do about the rising airfares!! NOT GOOD.

Anyway, I leave tomorrow and will be back on Sunday. I’ll be starting a liquid diet sometime tomorrow night until sometime Sunday (and I’m not talking about water).

I haven’t been eating very well this week. The first part of the week started off fine, and then with all the chaos and layoffs at work it’s gone downhill. I still went and worked out yesterday, but I just wasn’t into it. Then my Aunt Flo showed up early this morning so that sort of contributes to the whole mess. I plan to get back into it on Monday. Maybe switch some things up a bit. I may go back to counting points b/c this core plan, although I like it, has sort of thrown me for a loop. I think the problem is not really knowing when I am satisfied after eating. I still think I tend to overeat, even though what I may be eating is good for me. On the points system, you have to be strict about portions.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend, and I leave you with an LOL cat to brighten up your day:

Remember to exercise:

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But have a little fun as well:

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A friend of mine that I work with was laid off today. I am upset and bitter and angry. A bad combination. I need to stay strong and stick to food plan. I know someone will want to get out of here for lunch… I have to say I do too, but I need to stay strong. Or at least make healthy choices if we do go somewhere.

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Okay, so it didn’t turn out as bad as it could have foodwise. Yes, I ate things I shouldn’t, but I could have(have done in the past) a lot worse after news like I recieved this morning.

Breakfast: shredded wheat, banana, fat free milk, splenda

Lunch: salad- lettuce, tomatoes, black beans, corn, salsa, cilantro; ate a few bbq chips; cherries

Snack - slice of apple pie from BK

Dinner - met a friend at Sweet Tomatoes. Salad, bread, baked potato soup, one cookie. I only had 3 pieces of bread which is better than I normally do. I did have some salads with cream dressing, but I did not get ice cream or brownies or any other sort of desserts that I usually do. I didn’t walk out of there feeling like a stuffed pig either.

For the day that I had, I feel that my eating was fine. It’s definitely better than it has been in the past when I get bad news or stress. Not to mention the fact that I think I am getting PMS and that always leads to MASSIVE eating. I would like to break that cycle someday.

I guess I’m just relieved to have a job still. I think this is like the 4th or 5th round of layoffs that we’ve had in my company. This time it totally blind sided us and I can’t believe that my friend was one of the ones let go. Inconcievable.

Okay, so today was gym day. I decided to try the treadmill once again. I know I said the other day that I was done with the treadmill for running but I’m already at the gym and it’s HOT outside. I figured I’d try it once again. I took my little towel and TOTALLY covered the display so I couldn’t see anything that was going on. And I totally kicked ass!!!! I had put it on the 5k loop setting so I would at least have a semblance of distance. Anyway, I put my ipod on took off. Since I wasn’t watching time or distance, I will have to tell you by how many songs: I walked 2 songs and then ran (are you ready for this?!!) 6 SONGS!! That’s like 20 minutes or so. I ran 20 minutes straight!!! Then I walked 2 songs, ran 1.5 songs, walked 1.5 songs, and then ran 3 songs or so and that was my 5k! I upped the speed for the last song. By that time I had taken the towel off the display because i knew it was close to being done. So for the last song, I upped my speed a little.
WOOOO!!!! I was proud of myself!! Then I did some weights. I was whipped by the time I left.

Food:

Breakfast - shredded wheat, fat free milk, splenda

Lunch - salad: lettuce, pinto beans, tomatoes, salsa, cilantro; Roasted corn soup

Snack - cherries

Dinner after the gym - w/w vanilla smoothie with strawberries and 1/2 banana; Roasted Corn soup; watermelon and cantalope

I did have a small peice of cake at work. Oops.

Well, not really “lazy” since I did a lot of stuff around the house, but I didn’t exercise or even care about what I ate. Yesterday was okay. We went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and I had an Egg Sandwhich (eggs and cheese on toast) plus a few bites of cinnamon apples. Lunch was a Morning Star Veggie Corndog - they are super good!! Some friends came over for dinner and we were doing burgers. I made some turkey burgers with chopped jalapenos, chopped cilantro, hot sauce, and some fat free shredded cheese mixed up in them. We also had fruit salad. Not a bad dinner at all.

I went to the produce store by my house and we spent over $30!! They had GIANT seedless watermelons on sale for $3.99 EACH! Cantalopes as big as your head (or bigger) 2 for $5! Cherries for $1.99lb!! We loaded up! My kids are both fruit lovers so we will have plenty to make it through the week with healthy snacks.

Today was church, then we went and had lunch at Red Lobster with my grandparents. My son went to my mom’s for lunch so I laid down with the baby when we got back and took a nap. Then grocery shopping and dinner. Sundays always seem to be a busy day.

Tomorrow is BACK ON TRACK day. I ate out almost every day last week for lunch and that is NOT happening again!! Tomorrow is also gym day. Since I’m boycotting running on the treadmill, I think I am going to go do a Step Class - try to mix it up a bit. Maybe I’ll go for a run when hubby gets home from the gym later tomorrow night. I get a little creeped out when it is dark outside - so I’m not sure if I’ll actually do it or not. Not sure why - I think it comes from having an overactive imaginiation and reading too many Stephen King books.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

So I had my weight loss group tonight. There was no loss. I weighed myself on Tuesday on the scale at the gym, which is where I saw 3 lb weight loss. The scale at my weight loss group is an “official” weight watchers scale (that is in quotes because it’s not really at weight watchers, but my group leader is a weight watchers leader and she has to have it calibrated correctly b/c she has to stay at a certain weight range) Anyway, the scale today showed a 5lb weight gain from Tuesday night, but a 2lb weight gain from the last time I weighed myself at her house. YIPES!!!! I know that I didn’t realy stick to plan, but I worked out everyday but yesterday so that weight gain really surprised me. But I knew if I did really gain it, I did it to myself. Bummer

So after weight loss group, I was going to go to the gym. It was a nice evening though (we had a storm blow through this afternoon) so I decided to walk down to the lake and run. I just couldn’t get excited about going to the gym and hopping on a treadmill. So I put on my shoes, turned on my ipod and headed out. From my front door and back it is 2.35 miles. I decided to run whenever I felt like it. I tried to keep track of how many songs I ran and walked, but it was tough. Instead, I used www.mapmyrun.com to tell you how far I actually ran. And the answer is **drumroll please**: 1.92 MILES!!! Of course that was not consecutive miles, but it was total. But still - ALMOST 2 MILES!!! That is amazing for me. And let me tell you, I KNOW I was not running as fast as I do on the treadmill. BUT THAT’S OKAY!! I couldn’t tell how fast I was running, I couldn’t tell how fast other people were running. I know I was running faster than one person b/c we passed each other and then I caught up and passed him on my way back (I was secretly pleased).

So here’s what I came up with: the treadmill, although great when it is 1000 degrees outside, is actually a hindrance for me. Like I said the other day, I started running to get ME TIME. I don’t get ME TIME in the gym. Don’t get me wrong, I love the gym and will probably continue to use it for weight training and cardio, but am going to do my running OUTSIDE!! I don’t know how I am going to pull that off, but I am going to try. I don’t want to give this up and I think I’ve found the answer to my block.

Oh, and when I got back to my house, I went to my leader’s house (she lives in the same apt complex) and reweighed myself. Down .5. So up from 2 weeks ago, but down from earlier tonight. I will weigh myself at the gym tomorrow and see where it stands.

Thanks for everyone’s words of encouragement over the past few days. You guys are the best!!!

This lady is inspiring! At 61, she is completing the last leg of her run - which was AROUND THE WORLD!! She started when she was 57, after her husband died of cancer. Now, THAT is an inspiration. The lady with the sextuplets - well, I wanted to take a nap for her. This lady shows that it truly isn’t the rabbit that wins the race. Slow and steady. 4 YEARS it’s taken her to do this!! It doesn’t really inspire me to try to run around the world, but gives me more of a determination I guess.

I’m only posting to say hello. Today is a bad, bad day. Work was stressful… I ate all day long. I’m still eating. I’ll get over it and be okay tomorrow.

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Did you guys see this?! THIS LADY is a mother of SEXTUPLETS and ran a MARATHON right after their first birthday!

Okay, this is what would normally push me over the edge on so many levels, but I am trying to remember NOT to compare myself. Perhaps she was already a marathon runner before she became pregnant. Props to her, but what I would want to do if I had 6 kids is TAKE A NAP!!! I want to do that with the two I have, I can’t even imagine. That would send me teetering over the brink that I am trying so desparately to hold on to.

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Warning: as you can probably tell from the title, I am feeling down. Proceed with caution.

I am feeling down. After my good day yesterday, I felt I had a horribly awful one today. I know if you read this, you are going to say it’s not bad, but in my mind it’s bad. I have a bad habit of coming down on myself harshly. I didn’t eat all that horribly. Breakfast was a Healthy Choice Panini (don’t ask). Lunch again was a veggie burrito from Chipotle (again, don’t ask). Dinner after the gym was salad bar from Jason’s Deli. I did induldge in some hummus and flatbread there. That was it. That was all I ate all day long, so it wasn’t really all that bad. No snacking or anything. 3 square meals.

I went to the gym. Today was supposed to be my C25k running day, but after running(sort of) last night, I decided to run on my own with my own music. However, I also listened to my body. I just wasn’t feeling the running today. So I walked briskly at an incline mostly. But I listened to my body as well and stopped when my knees started to bother me - it was 30 minutes on the tready. No need to push them. I did some abs with my hubby, and then some arms on my own, and then 10 minutes on the stationary bike. It just seemed like nothing after my workout yesterday.

So I ate “okay”, I went to the gym and I’m feeling discouraged. Why? Well, after reflection there are several things.

1. I am not seeing results. Now before you say, you just started doing this, I’ve told myself that too. I’ve only been doing it for 3 weeks and although I have seen weight loss, I haven’t seen physical changes. My clothes fit the same, I still look flabby, etc. I KNOW these things take time. I just want them quicker!! Like if we could twinkle our nose like Samantha from Bewitched and be the size we want to be in an instant. How nice. I have to get past this and keep up what I’m doing. Results will come. Just keep telling myself this. That cat picture so totally relates… to bad it can’t be like that for real.

2. Something feels different. When I started running, I did it to get out of the house! I did it because no one else could go with me. It was my time. Although the gym is still “my time,” there are times it doesn’t feel like it. On Mon, Wed, and Saturdays, the kids go with us and go to the kids club. That’s fine, but I still feel under pressure since it is only open a short time. On those days also, my hubby is at the gym with me. Again: fine, but even though he isn’t with me all the time, I KNOW he is there. This has no longer become MY TIME. My time to reflect. Now I’m on the tready thinking “The girl on my right is running at 6mph, the girl on my left is running at 7mph, and that dude over there is going at least 9mph - I suck with my pitiful 5mph!” When I was on my own outside, I couldn’t see what speed people were running. I don’t know - it seems silly, but something has changed. I would like to get outside and run, but unless I go at 5 in the morning, I don’t have time before work and it’s way too hot or rainy after work. How can I make it MY TIME in a gym full of people. That’s why I like going on nights on my own. There isn’t that many people and I don’t feel pressured to get home.

I don’t know — I am going to take the next two days to rest and reflect. Well, as much resting and reflecting as one can do with the chaos in my house.

So to make up for my discouraging day at the gym yesterday and my feast at Chipotle this afternoon for lunch, I decided to go back to the gym this evening. After reading getupnow’s post about motivation and the comments back and forth between her and I on my blog, I decided to try to do it on my own. When I got home from work, I downloaded some new music on my ipod and as soon as hubby came home I headed for the gym. He told me not to run, but I wanted to try something. Before I left though, I took 3 advil just to be sure.

So I get to the gym and head to a treadmill. I put it on the 5k setting and took off. I walked for almost 5 minutes and then started running. I ran through 2 songs — which made it almost 8 minutes!! Then I decided to walk again for a little. My plan was to walk when I wanted too and run when I wanted too…. however — MY IPOD STOPPED WORKING!!! AUGHHHHH!!! So I ended up walking most of the time since I was fiddling with my ipod, but decided to run a few times and finished up the last 1/8 of a mile or so with a run. I finshed the 5k in under 45 minutes which I was proud of.

Then I hit the weight machines. I did a few arms, back, and chest and then concentrated on the legs. I have always been overweight, but when I was younger, I was a TONED overweight. You know what I’m talking about? Even though I was “overweight” I had muscle tone - my legs were ripped. Now it’s just flab. As I was doing the weights, I realized that’s what I really want. I want to be toned. I really wouldn’t care about the weight if I was just toned more.

So after weight machines, I hit the elliptical machine for 15 minutes. Whew!! I was wiped by the time I was done. BUT……. I weighed myself afterwards, and I was 3 lbs lighter than I was yesterday!! I think that was part of the problem yesterday. I weighed myself when I got to the gym and I was up a lb. Ugh - talk about discouragement. So I was happy to see a downward trend.

Food:

Breakfast - shredded wheat, blueberries, fat free milk, splenda —

Lunch - fajita veggie burrito from chipotle; tortilla chips/salsa — so not core

Dinner - (after the gym — needed some lean protien) salad with grilled chicken, grilled pineapple, broccoli, tomato and fat free french dressing — core. I put some walnuts on it just for some crunch and healthy fats — those are not core. Honeydew — core