Here it is..  out in the open for all to see.    The downfall from grace.   Here I had that great post yesterday (IMO anyway) about remembering where I had come from and what I had accomplished and it all goes down the drain.    Yesterday was a long day at work.  Not long in hours…  it just felt LONG.   I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin by the time I left.   I ate my orange on the way out the door but felt ravenous still.   I had decisions on what to do last night.  I was supposed to go to a friend’s and watch the season finale of ANTM, but another friend wanted me to go to Amigos with her and the girls (they meet every Wed), but I sort of just wanted to stay home.    

I got home and made the kiddos a snack, and because I was so hungry, decided to have one myself.   So I had 2 mini pitas with hummus….     and 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter….   and a few pieces of cheddar cheese…  and the crumbs at the bottom of the bag of baked Ruffles…  and a piece of bread and with peanut butter (b/c the 2 spoonfuls weren’t enough apparantly)…  and a small cup of f/f milk.    By this time I wanted to puke.  In fact, I actually went and tried to make myself throw up.  Don’t worry, I’m not bulemic or anything.  I couldn’t be if I wanted to be.  I can NEVER make myself throw up.  It didnt’ happen this time either.   I was left with the pukey feeling.

So DH got home and I decided I was going to go to Amigos and gorge myself on tortilla chips since I had already made a mockery of my diet.  Plus I felt like I needed a margarita.   I cancelled with my other friend and headed off.   Thankfully I txted the friend who was supposed to be going to Amigos and she had drama going on with her daughter so I knew she wasn’t going either.  I promptly turned around and went home.   You would think that I wouldn’t have even thought about eating after my gorging before, but you would be wrong.  Remember, I’m a bulk eater.   

So…  I made tossed salad wraps for dinner (but I used f/f ranch dressing) with breaded (breaded!!) chicken tenders and had one of those AND a tortilla with some black bean dip that i made last week.    And I followed all of that with some mini rice snacks.

 THEN and only then was I done.  Finished.  I went and watched ANTM and IM’d my friend throughout.

How in the world did all that happen?  Why was I feeling so hungry?  Well, I know that my period will be starting soon and that usually amps my eating habits.   I don’t know why.   I could ponder it, but it would be way TMI so I’ll refrain.   Ugh, I hate when I eat like this.  I feel bad inside and out.  I just don’t know how to stop.