Becoming Half the Woman I Used to be!

So today’s weigh in was not a pretty sight! I am UP to #189.6 this morning. UGH. I know that I did nothing this week to think that I wouldn’t gain… but to see a number SO close to #190 again just kills me!  I have to deal with this emotional stuff big time!  I need to stop reaching for the chips when I’m having a moment and get my butt outside to walk - put in a yoga DVD or something! I HAVE TO GET CONTROL OF ME!

I’m sure that my sister is going to win the Christmas contest unless I really get everything lined up and going! I have a lot of catching up to do! I could really use that $150!

Mostly I’m frustrated with myself, and with life.  It sucks! It’s time to stop making excuses, and get myself together. I could kick myself right now!

I just read another 3Fatchicks Blog - and I was inspired.  No it wasn’t one  of those “I lost a bazillion pounds in 6 months” ones… it was a real woman, with real struggles.  The subject of her blog - Why she’s going to keep blogging.  Despite the backslides, despite the lack of time, etc.  she’s going to keep going!

I’m going to join her in her quest… i’ve started and stopped and restarted this blog I think 4 times now… and everytime I stop i gain.  I don’t have an outlet for the emotional stuff.  I quit my blogging, i eat like crap, I avoid exercise like the plauge and I shy away from the scale.. It’s time to fix that.  So not matter what I’m going to keep blogging. It may not be everyday, but definately more frequent then in the past!

So the last two nights have been filled with potato chips and chocolate.  My stress level is at an all time high - and it sucks!

Work - is really rough right now.  My favorite boss quit. I’ve been looking for a new job to get me out of Flint for about a month - but this really is the kicker.  I’m trying desperately not to do anything irrational - like quitting w/ out a back up.  I need to get my family out of this area though.  We’re never going to achieve our dreams stuck here.

Friends - I have one friend that isn’t talking to me, and it hurts a lot.  It’s over something so trivial… but it is what it is.  I can’t fix it… but I think right now not talking to her and letting her blow off steam is best.  Maybe not.

Also TOM is here.  I’m an emotional wreck!  I just want to cry and cry and cry.  UGH!!! 

I’ll probably feel better tomorrow.  Right now I just need to take care of the emotional stuff. But crying, and laying in bed for days sounds inviting….

I’ve started over… again… that’s the key right?  No matter how many times you falter - you get back up… that’s what matters right?

So I’m starting over in a scence.  i haven’t lost myself intirely - I haven’t ballooned up to where I was before - which I’m VERY happy about.

Here’s the situation.  At my highest I was at #241.  I am now at #186.6 (as of 10/10). My goal is #130.

I’ve set up challenges for myself, and goals.  I can do it - if I stick with it!  The lowest weight I’ve seen in 10+ years is #180.2… and the thing is - I’m only 28!  So as you can tell weight has always been an issue for me. 

I’m using this blog as a recollection of the trials and successes of this journey. I may bore you, excite you, humor you etc.   But most of all - I just need to vent!