Becoming Half the Woman I Used to be!

Things are going really good.  I’ve been working out everyday - 17 days in a row.  I’ve been playing “tag” with the girls on one of my threads and they are making me WORK! Each tag is 30 mins of exercise - I’ve completed 15 of the 20 I’ve been given - all since Thanksgiving.

Eating is going pretty good too… I can see where I need to make changes.  I’ve been doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day shred - I’ve completed 16 days… only 14 more. I’m past the 1/2 way point! I’ve been doing about an hour a day though to catch up on my tags.

My weigh in yesterday went well - I’m at #185.8.  It’s SO nice to see something lower then #187!!!  I was STUCK there for SO long!!! Hopefully this is the first step of the downward spiral!

As I sat there looking in the mirror - I could see changes.  It’s amazing really how much my body has changed in the last 2 years. I can live with the extra skin… really it’s not so bothersome.  I am noticing BIG time where I gain and lose my weight though.

Wehn I gain I see it in my face and the “spare tire” area… even a pound or two and that part just rolls right over again. Ugh.  It’s gross.  When I lose - I can see it there, but mostly in my waist.  i’ve lost 6+ inches in my waist in the last 2 years.  That’s something! 

Tonight I start the 30 day shred again.  I need to do it EVERYDAY for 30 days.  I think i’ll be amazed at what happens if I actually stick to a plan for the entirety of the program.  I’d love to say that I’ll do it right when I get up in the morning - but I know that won’t happen. I WILL do it though.  It’s 20 minuste a day to a better looking, healthier me! I AM worth it!

Last year at this time I was the same exact place I am now… stuck in the #180s.  It’s time to MOVE PAST THEM! To get OUT of this “decade” I’m foaming at the mouth for the #170s.  Somehow I feel like this is a HUGE barrier… like a light will come on once I’m there, and it’ll show me that I CAN do this!  I know it’s going to be work.  i’ve worked hard for everything in my life.. I need to work hard for my life now!

I WILL NOT be the same place next year that I am now! I WILL make a difference in myself!  It’s time to do this!

So we’ve all heard it.. A Journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.  I don’t think they took in account that this is MY journey, and my 2 steps forward, 1 step back style should have been taken into account!

I’m revamping… AGAIN.  Since Halloween, I’ve eaten nothing but CRAP!  Oh true, some days start off ok - but end in a greasy fried mess… but it’s OH SO GOOD!  I haven’t worked out since I hurt my leg. I know I need to.

I’m going to start the Couch to 5K program.  I just wish I had somewhere WARM to do it! Why do i get my genius “outside” ideas in NOVEMBER??? Then again if it was July - I’d be complaining that it’s too hot… *sigh*

I’ve put weight back on… while I know that it’s “normal” to flux 10ish pounds naturally - when you’re trying to lose weight it’s EXTREMELY discouraging! I’m going to get over my scale obsession and only weigh in on Thursdays until the end of the year… we’ll see how that goes.

One good thing - I’ve been focusing on the weight thing for a year now - and although I haven’t lost a ton of weight I still have made progress. I’m a smaller size, I’m more toned. I’m more conscious of my decisions, even if they are bad ones.  I’ve realized that “eating right’ doesn’t have to mean everything tastes like cardboard.  I like fruits - still not crazy about veggies, but I’m working on it.

I’m more focused on work, organized - which helps everything else. I have a few Christmas projects that I want to do - and I’m going to schedule out time to get my 30 mins of exercise done EVERYDAY!

My leg is still sore at times - it’s not 100% - but I think it’s time to start moving…even if it’s just a mile walk. Ball exercise and yoga is DEFINATELY low impact enough that my leg won’t be bothered too much.  I kust say though - I miss Jillian - and Billy.  I can’t wait until I can get back into doing Tae Bo & 30 Day Shred.  Honestly, if I’d just stick with a program through it’s entirety I’d amaze myself!!!!

It’s time to do it… no time like now. (well as soon as I get home from work anyhow. )

I’ve had an AWFUL week eating - NO exercise - weight gain… it all adds up to me making BAD choices!!! I’m annyoed with myself.  It seems like everytime I make progress I give up on myself!  It’s SO IRRITATING!

I’m back up to #189 this morning. YUCK!  Last week i was at #185!!!  SERIOUSLY I NEED A KICK IN THE ASS!!!  Tonight I WILL exercise - even if I think I’m going to DIE!  I’m going to restart the 30 DS tonight!  I’m going to do level 2 for 10 days - NO EXCUSES and then level 3 for 20 days.  I have my sister who has agreed to nag me daily.  I will never know my potential if I DON’T PUSH MYSELF!!!!

Goals for the rest of the week:
Exercise EVERY DAY!
Eat 1200-1500 calories
Exercise enough to be at or under 1200 NET calories/day
DRINK WATER!  AT LEAST 64 Ounces a day!
NO MORE CANDY! (Halloween did a number on me!)
Cut back on Diet Coke - a 2 Liter a day is quite excessive!
Journal, Journal Journal.. food, emotions, etc… You’ll all see mor eof me this week!
DO NOT GIVE UP ON MYSELF!!!!

So I’ve been on plan ALL week - worked out EVERYDAY.  Had a good weigh in on Friday… so can anyone tell me why the scale gods are against me today and I’m UP #2???? AHHH!!! I know there’s the normal fluxes and such, but they’re SUCH A DOWNER!!! 

I’m having a lazy day today.  I’m tired, and feeling the stress of going back to work tomorrow already! Ugh.  I wish I could find a new job… far far away from here!  I’ve been looking.  Another thing that’s bruising the ego. blAh.

I’m cleaning today - went grocery shopping earlier - going to make dinner soon.  I’m just not very excited about anything right now.

I’m going to get to cleaning, do some yoga, dye my hair and call it a day.  Maybe tomorrow will be better!

Well i lost all the weight I had gained from TOM, and a little more.  Not much, but I’ve DEFINATELY been doing good this week.  I’m at #186.2 - which is #3.4 down from last week.

I am SO tired!!! Last night I did level 2 of 30 Day Shred.  That DVD kicks my Butt!!! As it should!  I love that it’s only 20 mins though.  I think I’m going to start doing it more.  I’ve been shying away from it for awhile because it’s so hard…but I’m realizing that’s exactly what I need!  Maybe every other day.  That might work.

Ok off to get some work done… It’s nice to see the scale move in the right direction.  Maybe next week I can be in the LOWER #180s!  Here’s to hardwork and hope!

So week 2 is almost at an end.  I’m happy that the water weight from last week is gone.  I’m still hoping that tomorrow the scale gods will be with me and all my hard work this week will have paid off.  I’ve worked out every day this week - and I’ve eaten with in rage everyday except yesterday I was 64 calories over.  Not too bad in my opinion.

Thank you girls for reading my blog, and commenting on my issue w/ DH’s lack of drive.  It is frustrating… and it’s hard when i’m feeling bad about myself and then feel unwated by him.  If I ever figure out the solution I’ll let you all know!

It feels good! 3 FULL DAYS ON PLAN! I wish that I could remember this high when I’m feeling down.  Right now things that are helping me are fitness pal, & 3FC.  I couldn’t do this without those sites - I’ve tried!  I LOVE the girls that I’ve connected with on there.  A lot of them I’ve gotten quite close to!

I am still struggling through the financial things, but I’m feeling a little more positive about it.  God has NEVER let me go hungry, and I doubt that he’s giving up on me now.  I know that I am blessed to have the job that I do - even if it does feel like I have to fight for it right now.  There have been so many changes in the last 2 weeks it’s crazy… which always leaves more work for me!  I will survive.. I always do.  As Danny (best-friend) and I say - “We’ll get through this, it’s what we do.”

I also joined a mini-mini-challenge.  I’m inspired by it so far. It’s a #5 challenge.  The first person to hit #5 loss gets to start the new thread.  #32 just started today, we’ll see how I fare in it. 

I just have to keep reminding myself… “A Man is NOT Defeated when he loses - he is defeated when he QUITS!”  I’m not ready to quit…. I’m not willing to quit… I’m worth more then that!

I made an amazing Chicken chili yesterday - and I found a recipe for tonight’s dinner.  If I keep this up I may just become a decent cook after all! I’m going to keep trying to find new things for my family to eat and to up the veggie intake that my family has!  The recipe for tonight is Shepard’s pie.  It’s a little higher in calories (407) - but chocked full of veggies.  If it turns out good I’ll post the recipe.

I brought in some of the left over chili for lunch today.  I need to do that more often.  It’s good for my weight loss and my wallet!  Money is tight right now - as always.. but I know there are places that I could definitely cut out frivolous spending. Eating out is place #1.

I’m feeling better today… I have a better handle on my emotions - Hubby and I talked last night about  a lot of things… it’s good. Taking everyday in stride!

1. They don’t expect you to do all the work
2. They don’t get irritated with you when you can’t ride them like a porn star - HELLO I’M #188! IT HURTS MY KNEES TO DO THAT FOR SO LONG!
3. They don’t dissappoint you by not having cuddle time after, or any type of forepley before hand… you just don’t expect it from something battery operated!

Ok - back ground story.  My hubby and I’s sex drives are WAY OFF. My is very high, and his much lower. Everytime we do have sex, I’m the one to initiate, and he doesn’t do any touching etc.  Well this morning I decided that Iw as going to take matters into my own hands, since it’s been over a week - and I woke him up to “do the deed”. He literally just layed there… nothing else - just layed there.  Then when I was done, I got off of him and then he seemed frusterated because he “didn’t get his” - well you know what - IF YOU ACTED LIKE YOU ACTUALLY WANTED ME THEN I MIGHT CARE! Ok truth is - I do care… It hurts to know that I can’t physically please him… it’s not that he won’t try new things - he just doesn’t have any interest.  UGH!  It’s SO frustrating.  He tells me that it’s not that he doesn’t want me, he does desire me etc.  He just doesn’t want it as much as I do… which is fine - but DAMN can’t you fake it enough for me to have enjoyed it, and not left crying afterwards?  Talk about a HUGE ego blow!!!

Sorry to post this here… I’m just frustrated and trying desperately to NOT go to the fridge!  I think DD and I are going to walk to the store so i can get some soda… *sigh*