it’s strange

when I’m alone in my room, even if I’m wearing ugly baggy clothes, or fully naked - I really like the way I look. Don’t get me wrong, I still would like to be smaller, but I don’t think i’m that big.
and then I see a photo and I get so disgusted in myself, and [...]

keep going

so I’ve been eating crappy for the past few days. I haven’t even weighed myself! I hate it when I have little moments like this, and you undo any good work that you’ve already done! I’m trying not to think about all the ‘what ifs’ though.. like ‘what if i had stuck to healthy eating [...]

badddd run

these last few days have been bad. I’ve been eating bad and just not enjoying it recently.
I saw my ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend. I facebook stalked, shame on me. I know I may have mentioned this before.. but I’ve been thinking about it more and more. I actually saw a play yesterday and it was [...]

it’s all happening.. I hope.

Well I weighed myself this morning and I put on weight!! I’m 116.5kg right now, which does suck but I ate heaps yesterday so I’m not surprised. I don’t mind when the scale jumps up as long as it evens out over the next few days.
The worst part about it is that I have heaps [...]

Woweeeee

Where have I been? I mean it’s only been 2 days but I really miss writing this blog already. It’s kinda like therapy.
ANYWAY. I have been working late nights etc so I’ve been a bit bad and not really updated. BUT Here are some pictures…
http://i951.photobucket.com/albums/ad353/mareek500/ScreenShot2013-08-28at114212AM_zps40e2c968.png
http://i951.photobucket.com/albums/ad353/mareek500/ScreenShot2013-08-28at114142AM_zps18ca7994.png
Hopefully if you copy and paste these links they will work! [...]

Sunday bloody Sunday

Today I had work.
When I was working in the theatre I was told to do some warm up exercises with the actors. *SIGHHHHH*
Just another remind that I’m big. Seriously. Some of the things we had to do just felt a bit awkward, like use each others body weight etc. I was the biggest person there. [...]

What I would do..

Usually I would binge on saturdays, I’d always say ‘oh but it’s saturday, so I’ll just eat healthy again on Sunday.
I had so many excuses, I must be such a good liar, I lie to myself and I even believe it. I have a wardrobe with some clothes in it. At size 16 and at [...]

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt

…it’s also in my head.
I had a shitty day to day. I still ate the recommended amount of calories and didn’t go over and also didn’t use my calories to eat sweets, but I must admit it’s one of those days where I question everything..
This will be a short entry. I’m tired and my voice [...]

and again..

Today has been good. Last night I may have Facebook stalked my ex, just a little bit. I found out he has a girlfriend (either that or they are really good friends).. which I wasn’t really upset by.. she had a great body and an average face.. kinda cute.. I guess. I’m not sure why [...]

Just another day

Well today I’ve been thinking more about this weight loss journey and deffinately obsessing about the time line.. I’m not sure how much longer I will be studying for (deff for the next few months) after this next few months who knows, could be a year, could be two. I’m tired from study, but I [...]