Family and rifts

August 4th, 2012

Saturday 4th August 2012 11.21a.m.

Having now changed my diet to WeightWatchers I am totally gobsmacked that despite not being totally true to the format am now 2lb down!!..WOWEE!! Added to which my problems with constipation have disappeared now that I am eating lots of fruit…which I love anyway. Wonders will never cease!..

Not a good week for studying. My possibility of passing this time gets more narrow day by day. Am very annoyed with myself as getting a diploma this year would have been the tops. Have gotten soo far behind with it all that I cannot see myself catching up now… Will I set myself the goal of getting my head into my books without fail this week.. Errrm!..Why not?!..Better than failing. Hey?

At last my rift with my darling daughter seems to have been healed and had a lovely chat with her during the week. It has lifted my heart and eased my aches and pains no end…amazing what effect any stress can have on the old aching bones.. (:

Must send another letter to my dear son who suffers from terrible anxiety and agraphobia. He won’t even answer the phone these days. Thankfully he has a lovely wife who tends to him so well. My youngest daughter has been in touch too but is always exhausted. She is a teacher of primary class children and has suffered from ME for many years. She has four children, three of whom are of great comfort and help to her. The fourth one is very much like his uncle and not a well person at all. Depression and mental frailties unfortunately is a trait that runs in my family.

Ah Well!! I have learnt to count ones blessings and try to do the best in my now aging years…not that I have had much of a great record in the past…

Here’s to a lovely day whilst the sun is shining and alls well!

Mustering my ability!

July 21st, 2012

Sunday 22/7/2012
Having had a very unsettled few days and much pain in my back, I am now trying to get my studies going again. I would love to be able to get a diploma at least under my belt… a degree would be a major accomplishment! Failure is not an option in my book.. Onwards and Upwards!

It’s another start.

July 21st, 2012

A lovely day, sunny and warm. Makes for feeling in much better spirits.


March 3rd, 2011

I have enjoyed writing this life story of mine as it has given me the opportunity not only to express the many feelings that have been pent up in me for years but also to see things from a different perspective.

Some of it has been quite an emotional experience and has helped me to come to terms with the dramas I have had to endure. I am well aware that many people may have had more dreadful times than myself but each of us has to deal with those things in order to come out the other side and keep living a useful and stable life.

Thank you all those that have taken the time out to read this.


March 2nd, 2011

There are lots of ways to get information on how to be a good parent these days and whether by nature or by nurture we are capable of doing this phenomenal job is forever debatable but to have parents that have set some practical rules and regulations in place is an agreed upon necessity. So whilst we were given the general instructions for having manners that was about it. There was no family get togethers with any aunts and uncles, cousins barely existed in our world. The general attitude of people at that time was that anyone gave a hand into contributing to teaching youngsters proper conduct – the teacher, policeman, neighbour – old uncle Tom Cobbly and all!! as the song goes!!

As I grew up I never, ever had any yen whatsoever to have a family, the idea was quite foreign to me and was the furthest thing from my mind.

When eventually I met the person to whom I would get married, we would visit his brother and family and their children, if anything, I they were like annoying aliens. So when I found that I was pregnant the next step was to get married, a necessesity under the circumstances, and before long I had three children under three years of age to cope with and the husband still leading a bachelor life. It was all left to me – to see to it that the rent was paid, the gas and electricty, coal – you name it ! and on top of that the children to tend to and bring up.

At that time I had no opinions of my own, strange to think of now. I could always see both sides of any subject and I realise now because I had not gained enough knowledge in order to do that. However, things changed. As I began to voice my opinions I was met with sharp reactions and if I did not agree with his views I would get a thump and this grew and grew till he became a very violent man.
I maintained a very steady and rather cold hand with my children and kept to the saying ” spare the rod and spoil the child” which I had taken very literally. It is not till later years that I recognised my error and phoned each of my children in turn and with many tears to ask them to forgive me for being so harsh and unkind. I know we can all make mistakes but these days there are methods in place to prevent some of these awful mishaps that can be vent upon our precious jewels and help those in need to have some help and guidance.

Thankfully I have been able to witness the loving kindness that my daughters have bestowed to their offspring and have enjoyed the company of my family as never before.

Parents and Parenting!

January 23rd, 2011

Approximate years covering these events 1948 – 1950

My father was not at home for 90% of the time being a commercial traveller (sales rep) and when he did appear I always found it very embarrasing and was very uneasy in his presence, after all he was as if a stranger in the household. My mother, being a frail person and having had to cope with the stress of coping with everything on her own, became more and more depressed and would shut herself in the bedroom for days at a time. Every month or two she would emerge and do a clean sweep of the whole house to such an extent that she would end up even worse than she had been for several days often requiring the doctor to be called to help her settle down.

We, my two sisters and brother would do most things for ourselves and the squabbles and arguments were horrendous. When my father would be at home he really wasn’t bothered where we were as long as he had his meals and went off to the pub for his nightly drink things plodded on in the normal chaotic way.

There were no hugs and kisses in our family, indeed this was deemed as totally unnecessary and demeaning by mother. The only time that we were given a hug, which was a long drawn out drama, was when the “men in white coats” came to take her off to a mental hospital for treatment. Her mother and sister arrived to try to stop father from sending her as it was such a scourge on the family name to admit that anyone suffered from mental problems. During her absence it was decided that my eldest sister would be taken out of school to look after the houshold. She was then in her last year at high school being about fifteen. This eventually led to her rebelling and running away where she was found by the police at the local speedway venue. This was of great concern as the “happenings” there were deplorable her being under the age of consent.

All the youngsters in the neighbourhood would meet on the recreation ground which was just in front of our house. There would be between 12 to 20 of us all having high jinks as is the wont of youngsters. Then later a Youth Centre was formed run by my sister and some older boys at the nearby school hall. Initially there was an older man who oversaw everything but he soon went and we were all left to our own devices. Boy! Did we have a fun time! Our house was an open door situation and we would go from there to the YC at all hours of the evening and night organising events such as dances and fetes and using the facilities of the school. We spent all day Saturday in the Domestic room cooking scones and buns for an evening social where other YCs had been invited to come along as well. It’s amazing that this was all accomplished by 15 to 19 yearolds.

Well, soon the family was to be split up by the fact that we were evicted and from then on any concern for us was absolutly zilch!!

The effect that those things had on my ability as a parent I will relate onother time.

P.S. Just FYI I shall not be able to post to this blog for several weeks as I shall be away.


January 20th, 2011

I had a great ambition to be a shorthand typist secretary. These days they are called a PA. I started to teach myself the shorthand when there was a free period at school and then on leaving at the age of fourteen I signed up at the city college for evening classes. At that time I was working at a small grocery shop and would cycle home, a good 4miles up a grinding uphill road, only to find that my mother would have completely forgotten and there would be nothing ready to eat so I would turn round and cycle all the way back.

In order to get the shorthand class and the typing class I had to do a third one so I chose drama. Many a time I would sit in class with my stomach rumbling thro’ not having had any meal. It wasn’t long before I fell ill with rheumatic fever again, so that put an end to that.

Because of being in a frail state the Employment Bureau went out of their way to get me a job in an office. It was a shoe manufacturing business and I had the job along with others to sort out the paperwork to get the next batches of shoes made. I loved it and only after afew months when my senior group manager was away for a few days I was left in charge. Unfortunately I did have one mishap and put thro’ a batch of shoes with the wrong style number. I was really terrified but the bosses were very understanding and said they were able to utilise them elsewhere.

Then a problem arose when things began to get very unhappy at home with the result I started to talk and talk and talk. It was as if I knew that I was doing it but I just couldn’t stop. Finally I was told to find other employment.

From there I was able to get another office job sending out invoices and taking the cash when customers came to pay. Another enjoyable place but then when we were to be evicted from our home my sisters and I went into factory work.

Many years later when my children were about 6.7.and8 I then went back into office work and again had a lovely job as a utilities clerk. This meant that when the orders came in I had to work out how many buttons, buckles, heels and lasts were needed. How much leather or suede etc. needed to be ordered. I was able to get the work done so quickly that they then put me into  a more responsible position of assigning the various styles of shoes to the factory.

Then my OH who was having an affair, proudly announced as much to me so I told him that he could pay ALL the bills from now on as I was going to leave work, which I promptly did. He then up and left which I was very pleased about as he was a very violent man and had beaten me up on more than one occasion.

Many years later I had a job with Tesco head office where I did the cash sheets for a certain amount of their stores and then other places where I dealt with invoicing or sales. I began to realise that I had the potential to do bookkeeping and accounts and so obtained books to read up about it myself, eventually culminating in taking a bookkeeping and accounts GCSE and a maths and english O levels, all of which I passed with flying colours at the age of 52.

Of course I would have loved to have been able to go to uni and get a degree but at least I tried my best with what opportunity was presented to me and am quite pleased  that I was able to put my abilities into practice as not only did I take over a small office where I did all the bookkeeping to trial balance but also went on to work for B.P. at one of their stores where I again ran the office by myself, cashing up, banking, wages, ordering goods, etc. etc.

I would recommend anyone do their very best to achieve their dreams, we only have one go at it, this is not a practice run!!

January 20th Thursday

January 20th, 2011

A good day workwise. Managed to get all my washing up to date and then made some marmalade. Took quite some time to cut the peel into thin strips but pleased with result. Just hope it all sets properly. Did eat too many calories altho’ I am feeling rather lax because I know everything will go out the window when I get to Sandras.

Breakfast  –  1oz Branflakes + Milk

Lunch  –  1oz Bread + 1oz Cheese toasted + Tomato cupasoup

Snack  –  Apple

Dinner  –  Pizza small + Carrot + Br. Sprouts + Tomato Ketchup

* 2 Mini Choc. Rolls

Carbs.169.2  Fibre 20.2  Calories 1304  Protein 109.9  Fat 52.6  Salt 5.55

January 19th Wednesday

January 19th, 2011

Another snoozy day. Did manage to get some work done.

Vacumed thro’ flat and the outside hallway. Also made carrot soup but didn’t quite finish it as back too painful by then. Changed my lunch menu to scrambled eggs for a change but they do use up too many calories AND I had another 3 mini chocolate rolls! So evening meal sort of cancelled, had just a snack.

Breakfast  –  1oz Branflakes + Milk

Lunch  –  2 Eggs scrambled + 1oz Bread toasted + Butter

Snack  –  * 3 Chocolate mini rolls

Evening  –  2oz Ham & Fruit Yogurt

Carbs. 105.2  Fibre 8.15  Calories 1143  Protein 106.9  Fat 54.7  Salt 2.4

January 18th Tuesday

January 18th, 2011

Another good day diet wise even tho’ I had an extra treat I managed to keep within my 1000 calories or so.

Got up at 8a.m. and then promptly dropped off to sleep again! Really annoying. Was able to get out and go for my lunch at my favourite place as they really do a delicous chicken roast.

Breakfast  –  1oz Branflakes + Milk

Lunch  –  Chicken + Peas + Carrot + Potato mash 2oz

Snack  –  * 3 Mini Chocolate rolls

Evening  –  4 Crackerbread + 2oz Cottage Cheese + Beetroot

Carbs. 120.8  Fibre 10.8  Calories 1098  Protein 145.8  Fat 103.5  Salt 3.9