Well, we could, I suppose, but as for me, I shall go no farther than the front window to watch this beastly snow falling…and falling…and falling, forever and ever, amen. How freaking tiresome. Okay, not to be negative, here, but I am definitely in some kind of post-Christmas, end-of-year funk. Not unusual, by any means, of course. We Americans hype ourselves up so excessively for the holidays that there’s really no way they could ever meet all of our expectations (no matter how vague those expectations may be) and we end up, at least after the fact, with flatness. Add to that the fact that my son flies home to sunny Los Angeles (I think he may be the only sane one in the family) tomorrow morning, and I feel hit with a double whammy, as it were - holidays over and son gone again. Oh - and those six pounds that I lost? I’m pretty sure that they’ve found me again…you simply don’t want to hear all the gory details of what I’ve been eating over these past ten days or so. It would give you nightmares - seriously.
Okay. Christmas was perfectly fine. At the last minute - well, a week or so before - I relented about letting my ex-husband be there for dinner. I *graciously* told the kids that if they wanted their father there, it would be fine with me so long as one of them hosted the dinner, and I didn’t have to have him at my house. Bitter as it may sound, so much of my life - and living space - was overshadowed by him that my present home feels about a thousand pounds lighter and more airy in comparison, and it’s important to me to keep it that way. Having said that, I have also (finally) realized that carrying around all of this anger towards him is of no benefit to me, and in fact is burdensome ONLY to me - and of course, from time to time to my kids, who would prefer to maintain civil relations with their father. Fine. We’ve both moved on, and I guess the one thing I haven’t wanted to do is face up to the fact that if I had made different choices, my own life might’ve gotten better sooner. It was me who didn’t end things with the ex when they needed ending, so I can only blame myself for hanging in there as long as I did. He is what he is. Nobody - including his current wife - is going to change that. HE’S not going to change, and if he did, what difference would it make to me? I guess I’ve wasted enough time being angry with him. If I make no other New Year’s resolution, I guess I really will resolve to let the past - as far as my ex is concerned - stay in the past and be over and done with.
Back to the weather. I am hating this weather more this year than ever. Ice storms, snow storms, freezing cold (although on Christmas, it DID stay in the fifties, which was a lovely surprise) slippery sidewalks, etc., etc., so on and so forth. Ugh and DOUBLE ugh! I would dearly LOVE to take full advantage of the real estate downturn and buy a nice little place for DH and I down in the Charlotte, NC area. Prices were low there before, but now they’re ridiculous. A four bedroom, three bath house with attached two-car garage and a half acre of land can be had for a hundred thousand and change. I’m talking about $125,000 or less. Not that we would need four bedrooms on a day-to-day basis, but think of the possibilities for family visits with all the kiddos and their kiddos coming at the same time! Oh, okay, it’s not like they could each have their own rooms, but between the multiple bedrooms, the study, the great room, etc., there would be ample bunking space. But of course we couldn’t even think about moving now that the twins are on their way. My daughter would never speak to me again if I was to abandon her when she needs me the most. But I am sorely tempted to buy one of those houses down there now, while the buying’s good, and have it to go to when everything’s under control with those babies.
So, life goes on. And on. And on. Until it doesn’t anymore, I guess. Some days I feel I’ve reverted to my college days - pondering the meaning of life, succumbing to what is it (?)…existential angst???? What’s it all about, Alfie? (Oh, an old Michael Caine movie - you youngsters won’t recognize the reference) and where have all the flowers gone? Ah, yes, the old thing’s gone ’round the bend, doncha know? (Get the accent right…it would be British at it’s prissiest). And conversely, some days I feel at my most mystical - detached from outcomes, and content to let life flow through me, observing, but not invested. Truthfully, I’m becoming a bit ambivalent about my job (which unfortunately, pays very well, and offers a truly comfortable pension upon retirement) and questioning the very process of raising money in the huge amounts that we do when I see so little progress being made both at home and globally to end poverty and house, feed and clothe humanity in total. The Madoff scandal. Now that’s really something, isn’t it? Have you seen any interviews with the *victims* - seen any footage of their homes, their lives - have you felt any pity for their perhaps having to “let some of the household help go”??? Am I being too judgmental in my inability to feel sorry for people who have lived (and will undoubtedly continue to live) like royalty while so many have so little in this world? Am I being too judgmental when I shrug my shoulders at their weeping, and think to myself, “And about time, too!!!!” (?) Unfortunately, there were also investments made with Madoff by some private philanthropic foundations that actually do a little bit of good in the world, but truthfully speaking, those foundations all exist simply because the families - or corporations - have so much money, so many assets that they quite literally HAVE to create a philanthropic foundation or be lambasted with taxes - and the wealthy will do anything (even GIVE money away) before they’ll pay taxes on it, trust me. But beyond all of that, the other irony is that people are claiming huge losses based on what they EXPECTED to MAKE on their investments, not on what they actually invested. What they lost was whatever they gave to Madoff to invest, NOT their projected earnings, for pity sake!
Ah, well. Let’s not descend into total cynicism. Life is, after all, what you make it (or what great-grampaw was able to make to leave to you and the rest of his descendants). And it’s nothing more, really, than our shared agreement to allow pieces of paper - or numbers on a screen - to represent our worth as individuals. In the years that I’ve been alive, I’ve come to see that there are always (and will always be) people who are far better off, and people who are far worse off than I am. There are people who are fatter, people who are thinner. People more conventionally beautiful and people less beautiful. People who are far healthier and more fit, and people who are less healthy and in far worse shape than I am. And on and on, ad infinitum.
I am continuing this post this morning - New Year’s morning, that is - because things got busy yesterday when I had started writing. It’s very cold here today, and was very cold last night - 3 degrees, with wind chill factors (there was a lot of gusty wind) in the minus teens. NOT optimum for the annual “First Night” celebrations during which revelers walk through the downtown streets from venue to venue where a wide variety of short musical or dance or comedic - or whatever - performances are offered up. The crowds were sparse, from what I’ve seen on newscasts. We stayed snuggled in together at my next-door daughter’s - My DH & I, my son and his GF, my other (preggers-with-twins) daughter and her DH and DD, and of course the host-daughter’s DH and DS. The host-DD made a huge pan of lasagne, I brought jumbo shrimp and shrimp sauce, marinated steak (which host-DD broiled) and a huge Greek salad, and my other DD brought all kinds of chips and dips and snacks and drinks and desserts. Yikes!!!! So we ate, played some Wii games, watched some movies, and somewhere just after midnight, my grown children - and the grandchildren - erupted into total chaos chasing each other through the house with longbows that shoot foam rubber darts and some other strange devices that shoot foam rubber bullets with velcro on the tips so that they stick to whomever they hit, and the “dead guy” can’t claim to have dodged at the last moment. This went on for at least a half hour with me sitting in my chair, feet up on the ottoman, collecting and dispersing bullets. (And, no, not a single one of us indulges in alcohol: we seem to just have a naturally crazy streak, is all) - I felt like “Ma Barker” (Isn’t she the one from down south somewhere who headed up a clan of criminals?) Now we won’t get into the discussions about the advisability of allowing kids to have toys that resemble real-life weapons, because we all know that it’s about as politically incorrect as you can get (not to mention the message it’s sending to those little ones, who are likely to grow up thinking that ALL guns shoot foam rubber bullets) but these silly people (two of whom are only a couple of years away from their fortieth birthdays and should be a bit more dignified, doncha think?) were having such great fun that I couldn’t help but have fun watching them (and collecting their bullets).
So DS’s flight was scheduled to depart at 7:45 AM from Boston, which meant leaving home at 5:30-ish to give themselves time to get through security and all - and he decided that going to bed for just a few hours would be worse than not going to bed at all, so with the exception of DH, who really can’t pull all-nighters anymore, and went next door to bed after the ball dropped (and missed all the foam rubber bullet action) we all determined that we’d stay up all night with DS and go to bed when he left for the airport. I ALMOST made it, but caved at 3:00 AM, and went to bed while he took a bath (with my new Christmas-gift - oatmeal bath cubes), did a last minute load of laundry and got his suitcases packed. I told him to wake me when he was leaving, and he did, so I got at last hug at 5:30 this morning, after which I promptly went back to sleep, and only woke up about an hour ago. Today will be a restful one. And then, believe it or not, I have to work tomorrow, and then we have a “Welcome 2009″ dinner party with some friends on Saturday. All I ask is that they have sufficient heat. These old bones are beginning to HATE cold quite passionately.
DH and I plan to get back to our “VERY healthy eating” style and also back to our morning exercise (walking with the Leslie Sansone DVD’s) on Monday. Enough of the craziness. Also, with DS back in sunny LA, the energy level around here has dropped a rather amazing number of decibels, and we can now actually *focus* on what we need to be doing. You just can’t achieve the proper focus when your house is filled with people, and you can’t manage to get to bed much before 1 or 2 AM any night at all. Now we’ll be back to our regular routines. (Which is not to say that I wouldn’t gladly have DS home for weeks or months at a time, but of course he has to work, as do I, so the craziness would have to settle into routine soon enough.
Alright, all of those wordy words above are here really just for one purpose (you KNOW how carried away I can get) and that’s to wish all of you a wonderful 2009. Just think! Another whole year to do with as you will! I’m sending you the warmest of hugs, and the warmest of wishes, as well, that all of my wonderful people (you know perfectly well who you are) here, there and everywhere are able to create the most wonderful year yet for themselves. I hope to do the same.
Love,
Z
Even those of us who have lived here all of our lives are wishing we had sense enough to leave when we had the chance….as in after college graduation, when we could’ve chosen to move anywhere we felt like….oh, aurrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! JUST got electricity back after being without power since last Friday morning - yes, that’s right! Five days in the dark! No lights, no computer (except when I made it to work - yesterday) no nuffin’…..and then this morning, yet another icy rain storm, but what more damage could it wreak? The wires were all already down, after all!!! By Monday, our whole neighborhood was back on except for about six of us in a little cul de sac who are all apparently hooked into one solitary pole that wasn’t transmitting…good GRIEF!!!!! Well, more later on my dietary habits (a little extreme towards the end of our “dark time”) but right now, it’s a nice long hot bath for THIS chickie….I’m SOOOO sick of going to my daughter’s (she had electricity all along, and she’s five minutes away from us!) for showers, having to pack up all my clean stuff, bring back all my dirty stuff….and mostly forgetting stuff that I needed….ack.
Hello to all, and to all a good night…
Hugs,
Z
Luckily, I have copied & pasted my password onto the blogsite, which is where I hope that it stays. Unfortunately, I lost mine for some reason, had to have them generate a new one, and the dumb thing is way too complicated to just remember. Maybe I’ll figure out how to change it to something easier for me to remember, but not right now.
It SNOWED last night, and for a while today, but the white covering that was on our lawns and driveway earlier in the day has all melted away, and with a little luck, it won’t do any serious snowing before I have to drive into Boston tomorrow morning, or out to the Berkshires - Pittsfield - on Wednesday. DH and I have spent the day hanging about luxuriously; we decided yesterday to make today an “at home” day, seeing as how snow was predicted, and we did a good bit of running about yesterday, culminating in my granddaughter’s eighth birthday party that they had at a bowling alley from 4:00 to 6:00, although it ran over some. There were fifteen kiddos there, and the parents dropped them off and came back for them at the end of the party. It was great fun, really - DH and I had planned to bowl, but ended up not, since it was way more fun to watch the kids and give them a hand where needed.
Well, just to report on my extreme eating plan for this past week, I guess it’s working pretty well, as I seem to have lost six pounds. Now of course we ALL know that a majority of that is water weight, and I have no such hopes for this week, but I will stick to my regimen because I decided to do it until the 21st, which is when we’ll be attending a dinner with some dear friends at their home, and I KNOW I will want to nibble a bit, and plan to. I have been comforting myself since starting this with the thought that I can do ANYTHING for 21 days. Maybe not for a year, but certainly for 21 days! I really, really DO have to get this under control. I’m just too damned old to keep bouncing up and down like a yo-yo! And, besides, I know it’s not one bit healthy!
Well, enough about that. What I’ve been doing today is making clay beads to string into necklaces for my girls for Christmas. Actually, I started two or three weeks ago, and I’ve got quite a collection completed. I do this every so often, get bored with it sooner or later, and forget about it for months at a time. Most of you know that I do some sculpting with clay - bigger pieces, of course - but I do enjoy doing the beads, too, every so often. I make some in uneven shapes, like natural rock and then paint and glaze them so that they actually do look like rocks - and some I paint designs on; usually variations of black and tan or brown with stripes and polka-dots. Kind of African-looking. At the risk of sounding like a braggart, everyone likes them and they are always after me to make a bunch for craft shows and such, except that they take far too much time and effort to make great numbers of them, so I usually just make them for gifts, and this Christmas I thought it would be nice to make one for each of my daughters and granddaughters - and my son’s long-time girlfriend, since she may as well be a family member, and I assume that she will be before too much longer. I’d love to post some pictures and see what you-all think, but of course I don’t have the patience to try to figure out how to insert a picture into these posts anymore.
I have a nice big pot of soup simmering on the stove - we’ve become quite the soup afficionados since I tried my hand at making it from scratch. Neither one of us can tolerate canned soups. Anyway, I’ve been making chicken soup using canned chicken broth, lots of chicken breast meat, carrots, celery, onions, kale, and brown rice - and seasoning it with a good palmful of cumin, black pepper, and some dried herbs that I keep handy in an airtight jar. This week, I wanted to use up a good half of a pork loin roast that DH and I had for dinner last Sunday - it weighed in at about five pounds, and he and I certainly don’t even eat a pound between us at a meal. So, we had it last Sunday with baked sweet potatoes and spinach, and then again on Monday with white potatoes and green beans. (I weigh all my portions and only eat half of the potato). So then I froze all the rest of the roast - probably close to four pounds. I took it out this morning, and trimmed every bit of fat off it and cut it all up into quarter-inch chunks. I started my soup stock with 3 big jars of V-8 juice, two big onions chopped, all the seasonings and herbs, and the pork chunks of course. Then I added a bag of lentils, and after that all simmered for an hour or so, I added fresh carrots and celery. When it has about fifteen more minutes to go, I’ll add the kale. Well have the soup for supper with pita bread. The smell is already driving me mad. All I’ve eaten thus far today is my morning oatmeal and raisins. Oh, brother. I don’t guess anybody needed my soup recipe, but ther eit is, needed or not…LOL.
We put our Christmas tree up this afternoon. It’s one that I bought last year in an urn - artificial, of course, but it’s about four feet tall, counting the urn, and looks perfect on the antique cabinet that DH & I refinished last year in “Ralph Lauren Maroon” (or some such designer color - maybe it’s Ralph Lauren red; I don’t know, but it’s a real dark maroon and I love it.) It has it’s own little white lights already strung through it, and some pine cones and red berries (the tree not the cabinet) and all we have to do is put it where we want it and plug it in. DH, of course, makes a big deal out of having to “go cut down a tree” (he just goes and gets it out of the attic) and bringing it home by dogsled. Anyway, it’s dark now, the lights are on, and the tree looks really boffo!!! DH has already put some little gifts under it for me, but I’m not going to put his under it until closer to Christmas. I KNOW him, and he’ll be shaking and listening to them and trying his best to figure out what they are the minute I leave the house for work. We’ll have none of that!
Take a look at this video - It will warm your heart, honest! You can got to their website, too. It’s an amazing project!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM
Okay, I am off to put the kale in my soup, my dears. I hope you are all happy and well and enjoying a lazy weekend like moi -
Hugs,
Z
Well, no, I’m not really the Loch Ness monster…I just play one on TV. Well, no, I don’t do that. either. I just FEEL like “Nessie” these days.
I’m still around – alive and kicking. Still walking every day – although it’s down to just a mile every morning before work. Leslie Sansone is starting to grate on my nerves just a tad, but the walk is a good one, takes just about 20 minutes, and I can fit that in after my first cup of coffee and before my shower. Gets busier later in the day, and when I get home from work, I am frankly just too wiped out to walk again. Still eating pretty healthy, although I went a bit crazy in the four days I had off for Thanksgiving. To be perfectly honest, I’ve been eating too much for a couple of months, now. Not unhealthy stuff – just too danged much of it. I’m a little too fond of my own cooking, I’m afraid. I had lost 30 pounds back last year after I found 3FC and started blogging here. I wasn’t any size 0 by any means – a good, solid, loosely-fitting 12 is more like it – but my body was fitting nicely enough on my bones, and I felt that I could comfortably settle into staying at that weight forever. Then, the same sad story that so many of us can tell here…I stopped watching what I ate; or in my case, stopped watching how much I was eating…and have now managed to gain back ten pounds!!! I weighed myself yesterday, knowing that I was going to have to do some cutting back between now and Christmas. I know…I know. This is the oldest story in the book. Trying to lose those pounds is a grueling uphill-all-the-way battle, while gaining them back is just one smooth slide down a well-greased slope. And, it’s a never-ending battle, besides. I thought that when I was MY age, I wouldn’t be concerned about how much I weighed anymore. Hah! Looks like that’s another one of those myths that we desperately cling to when we’re in our thirties and dieting…if we can just get our weight where we want it in our thirties, we’ll be able to relax and not even care by the time we hit sixty (if we hit it at all, that is). Well, now I’ve hit it, and sixty isn’t anything like it was when my mother was sixty! Now I’m expected to stay in shape so that I can walk and exercise; rock-climb (only on very gentle slopes) with my son & his girlfriend, hike in the woods with DH, paddle a danged canoe, and just generally MOVE around like elders never did when I was young and THEY were old, for pity sake!
Well, now that I’ve kvetched and moaned a bit, I have to say that I’m planning a rather drastic cutback over the next 22 days in the hope that I can lose at least half - and possibly a pound or two more - of what I’ve managed to gain back. This see-sawing is ridiculous at my age, you know?
Other than the overabundance of food, Thanksgiving was nice - quiet, with only one daughter and her DH & DS for dinner, but we had all the rest (except for DS, who is still living out in L.A. and will be home for Christmas) on Friday for a huge feast of leftovers.
There are so many things to talk about - our new president-elect, the sad state of the economy, family stuff, work stuff, stuff-stuff - but this is far too long already, so it will have to wait for another day.
Here’s hoping that all my blog-pals here are happy, healthy…has anyone seen or heard from Ini?? Bad stuff happening in India!….and doing well, looking forward to the holidays.
Warm hugs all around,
Z
Yes, yes, I miss you terribly. The old folks are fine, in their way, and many are even interesting in that they’ve found real meaning in their crone-ness, but THIS old one seems to still gravitate towards the energetic and young of the species, so here I am - still can’t post a bloody picture since they’ve made it such a damned *project* here, but never mind. I’ll try to be descriptive. Today, after a week’s visit, my dear son flys back to sunny California, leaving Massachusetts that much drearier for his absence. It’s been a busy week - non-stop activity, really - and tomorrow I go back to work myself. Good thing it’s only for two days before the weekend. Over this past weekend, my daughter - the Heart Association daughter, that is - had a “Heart Walk” that she had to oversee in Connecticut. Right along the shore. Lovely location. But so much work! We all - Me, my other daughter and her DH and DD; my DS and his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s sister, my hear daughter’s husband, son, and mother-in-law, and of course MY DH - went down there on Saturday to help set up for the walk - luckily, there were also tons of other Heart Association staff and volunteers, because I never realized what a major undertaking these heart walks are. We had most of the tents and booths and such set up by dinner time, and we all went an checked in at the hotel and went out for supper. We had to be back at the walk site for 7:00 AM….Gawd! When we got over there, it was absolutely freezing - in the 20’s what with the ocean wind and all. Good thing we were forewarned and dressed in many layers. It did warm up some after the walk got started at 9:00. I was bowled over by the number of walkers - several THOUSAND! It was amazing. My DS did all the announcements and looked very professional up there on stage, I must say. THEN, when the walk was over, everything had to be taken down - I’m talking about some 20-odd tents and probably a hundred tables, banners, baloons, sound systems….Oh, I’ve got to tell you - we worked for sure, but it was terrific, really. The whole family pitching in and doing something useful together. Gotta love those kids of mine. Wish there was some way I could post some of the pictures here….darn.
We got home late Sunday afternoon, and I think everybody just crashed until Monday. We had supper together, of course, with DS home - and then last night, we had a regular Bacchanalian lobster-steak-shrimp fest. DS can’t get *real* lobsters out there on the west coast, and they don’t seem to have very good meat in their markets, either - at least not the tender cuts of steak that we can get here. PLUS, the lobster prices are at rock bottom right now - bad for the lobster fishermen, but awfully nice for us. We all got two apiece, and DS and one daughter had three each. And all those lobsters (14) came to under a hundred dollars! I can remember spending a hundred dollars and getting four or five lobsters! Yikes! Well, anyway, we had our feast, and at noon today DH & I will drive DS & his girlfriend to the airport. <sigh>. I have to keep reminding myself that he’ll be back at Christmas.
My youngest daughter, as many of you already know, is finally pregnant - three months, now, and things proceeding nicely except for morning sickness that seems to last all day long. She’s having an ultrasound today and has an appointment with her doctor tomorrow. I hope the nausea is about ready to pass, because she’s being having a terrible time with it.
DH & I are still walking with Leslie Sansone. Three miles a day, unless we’re doing outside activities, and if that’s the case, we just walk with Leslie morning and evening.
I have to run. Time to get ready.
Love,
Z
Allergies are kicking my butt, however. Always happens when the seasons change. Nothing, prescription or non-prescription helps. It’s not constantly a problem, but several times over the course of a day - maybe five or six - I have a really violent sneezing fit. Really cute when I’m in a business meeting. I should retire. I’m becoming such a dinosaur in the workplace. I’m irritated by the inane chatter in the employee lunchroom. There’s a whole contingent of folks - ranging in age and job title from early twenty-something secretary/admin. assistant types to forty, and a few fifty-something administrator/professional types - all of whom seem to just LIVE for the latest fashions (My Vera Bradley bag is better than your Vera Bradley bag) and what’s currently the big draw on TV. Now mind you, I’m not ashamed to say that I dress well - and often, although not always, in bold geometric designs and chunky, trendy jewelry. I haven’t yet conceded to becoming the “grandmotherly” type or the unisex menswear suit-wearing older woman professional. But, having said that, I am no slave to designer label, and frequently (as many of you know) find my stuff (Ah, Vera Wang - you’re a bit of an exception, but a lower price-range one after all…) on SALE at Kohl’s and take advantage, always, of their Wednesday-only 15% off for us over-fifty-five’s. But, my LIFE is not tied up in labels, and I hope I don’t offend anyone by saying that I find that Vera Bradley crap outrageously overpriced. Why, any one of us with a passing knowledge of how to thread a sewing machine and cut some squares and rectangles out of a piece of fabric could run some of those bags up for about five bucks! And, as for the current TV - reality shows, evening soap opera and sitcoms - well, it’s just not my cup of tea: I’d rather curl up with a good book any day. So, I don’t much look forward to lunch, and I like the business luncheons that I have to attend even less. I think I’m just becoming anti-social. Like I said, a dinosaur. I mean, you can put lipstick on a dinosaur, but it’s still a dinosaur, right? <g> Sorry; I can’t resist a little political inference sometimes. (Don’t get me started.)
So, the GOOD thing (I suppose) is that since my last post, I have continued with the Leslie Sansone walking DVD’s - I walk a mile every morning before leaving for work; walk a mile in my office just before lunch (punch up the AC, lock my office door, and strip off jewelry and any clothing that might get in my way) and then a third mile when I get home from work. DH does the morning and evening miles with me. We’re turning into two mighty fit old codgers. My eating has reduced itself, as well. Not through any major effort on my part, except for the fact that I DO cook in a much healthier manner than I used to, and have been for some time, now. My problem was with portion size - I always ate too much of a good thing, basically. Now, if I try to overeat, my stomach rebels and I spend half the night with a belly full of painful gas that won’t move in either direction - up or down. VERY unpleasant, to say the least. So, after suffering through a few nights like that, I have learned to eat much less at supper, and try to make breakfast (two packets of Quaker weight-control maple & brown sugar flavored oatmeal with a handful of raisins thrown in) and lunch my main meals of the day. That gives me time to get it digested before I get prone in the bed.
So, things, they are a’changin’ whether I like it or not. (And I can’t say that I mind too much).
My DS is coming home for a visit on Oct. 15, and I’m soooooo excited. He’ll also be home for Christmas, and it looks like I’ll go out to LA for a visit with him in the spring. How I love it there! I absolutely adore driving down the PCH and hiking through all that beauty in a park that he and Amanda have discovered and frequent themselves for lovely days of hiking and lunching outdoors together. They seem to be fitting together nicely, so I guess maybe I can start really liking the girl and hope that she’s permanent.
I found a wonderful woman poet on a recent excursion with my DH to an Art-on-the-Street fair. Gertrude Halstead is a 93-year-old Jewish WWII camp survivor who writes incredibly powerful and evocative poetry. I bought one of her books - entitled space between - and have been enjoying it so much.
I particularly like this little snippet because it is so evocative for me of my first meeting with my now DH (in a museum) -
lunch after Picasso
blue iris
yellow velvet lipped
sips at my table
we toast Picasso periods
i coffee
she water
we part
nodding
Hugs,
Z
I’ve gotta tell you - I HATE-HATE-HATE this new blog format, and still can’t even begin to figure out that whole complicated process for inserting a picture! Whatever made them change over to this, anyway? Is it supposed to be BETTER? Well, maybe it’s better if you’re computer savvy and all that, but I’m afraid all I’m capable of is very simple applications. I had to move my blog to where the old ladies blog - they still use the OLD format where you can browse for a picture and stick the stupid thing into your post without a lot of fanfare. If anybody wants to visit me there, just drop me an e-mail.
BUT, having said all of that, I’ve got to say that I miss you guyz horribly. I want to know how you’re all doing, you know? JoAnnie, you must have your dress by now - when I finish writing this, I’ll hop over to your blog and see if you’ve posted a picture yet. (I bet YOU know how to use this annoying new program!) And Annie - how about the house hunting? I’ve got to catch up with you, too, lady! And Ruby Jean - does anybody know where she’s off to? (I’ll have to see if she left a trail of breadcrumbs). Ini, you doing okay? And Ms. Close is, I know, back from that wonderful camping trip with A. How fantastic is that? To have that time to spend alone (or mostly alone) out there in the wild with your daughter? What a great experience! Feathers! How are YOU doing????????? Okay, okay, I’ll check the blogs, but yours doesn’t come up when I click on your name - it takes me to the Lazy Rivers Writers page instead, which is very interesting, but I’m more interested right now in how you’re doing following the surgery. Lyn, the last time I heard from you, you were busy with that farmer’s market, which sounds so great! The closest I’ve gotten to a framer’s market this summer is reading about other people going to them, and growing some tomatoes and peppers in urns out in back of the house here.
Since getting back from NC I’ve managed, little by little to get myself back under control. Still not keeping close track - or not as close as I probably should - of what I’m eating, but I did get myself one of those Leslie Sansone walking DVD’s and I LOVE it!!!!! I should’ve gotten myself one a long time ago! I’ve been doing it when I get up in the morning and when I get home from work at night. I swear I can hear that music in my dreams - puff, puff, puff, and step to the side - LOL!
Getting back in the groove at work has been a bit grueling, but at least I’ve been getting back into it gradually - had that nice three-day weekend to kick back and relax in. Celebrated DH’s and my middle daughter’s birthdays Saturday night with a nice family dinner, and then DH & I spent Sunday at Old Sturbridge Village, which is about 15 minutes from where we live and it’s an entire reproduction of a New England Village circa 1840. We had lunch at the tavern there, and then took ourselves out to dinner as well, counting on all the miles we walked around the village to offset what we ate (NOT diet-conscious, trust me).
Omigawd! Can you believe that my youngest daughter (whose little girl is Morgan of broken wing fame - 7 years old) thinks she’s pregnant??? I’m so excited - although she said I wasn’t allowed to be until she had her first doctor’s appt. and got it confirmed - I can hardly believe it! A new little munchkin!!!! I’m already looking with longing at baby furniture and clothes - oh, they’re so adorable! Not excited yet, though. I’m not allowed to be.
Well, I shall now go and have my dinner, and come back afterwards to catch up with all my blogmates.
Love,
Z
Okay. At first I wrote this in a PAGE. What’s the difference between a PAGE and a POST, I ask you? The PAGE didn’t publish even though I clicked the “publish” button. We’ll see what this does (or doesn’t do). Well, I have a few pictures to post, but don’t understand how to do it, using this new format, so I guess I can’t. It sure was a lot easier using the old format. <snivel, whine>
But here I am, home again - in fact, at WORK again, and none too happy about it, I must say. Not exceedingly UNhappy, really - just not overly delighted or anything like that. I’m beginning to think that I am, by nature, a not particularly happy person. At least not consistently or often. Mostly, life just seems to keep rolling by me at a faster and faster pace. Who, for example, can believe that summer is actually winding down? It hardly seems like we’ve had any summer at all! And of course here in New England, it’s been wet and rainy far more than it’s been hot and sunny, so that adds to the feeling of not having any summer. In North Carolina it was pretty hot, but of course always a breeze up in the mountainous area where sis lives. Now, usually when I visit my sis, we spend most of our time out on her patio - used to be smoking and drinking coffee or iced tea and talking, talking, talking…. now, of course, neither of us smokes anymore (a year and almost eight months for me, and closing in on five months for her) so there’s not that “just one more cigarette” delaying tactic and of course, THIS visit, my two daughters - and sons-in-law and grandson and granddaughter were with me, and my sister’s son who lives there in Hendersonville and her daughter who drove down from Ohio with her husband and little boy. What a crowd, eh? Well, the cousins hadn’t seen each other in some time and were anxious to catch up with each other, and they also wanted to get around to some of the local tourist attractions like the Cherokee Museum, which I’ve been to several times, but will go as often as anybody wants to, because each time I see something I didn’t notice the last time - and Cherokee Village, and Lake Lure, and Chimney Rock, and so on and so forth. So I did a bit of trotting around with them, although on the days that we went “touristing”, sis stayed home and puttered, which is what she’s fond of doing. She and I did get off alone together a few times, and out for a “just sis’s” supper, which was nice. Also went with her to the little uptown park where she takes her daily “constitutional” - walks around the perimeter twice, which I did with her. I had my quarterstaff along - it’s become one of those things “I don’t leave home without” because I never know when we’re going to get out and do some hiking or climb some rocks (both of which we managed to do while down in N.C.) and sis admired it so that I gave it to her. Bought myself another one, native N.C. carved, and very nice. When the kids and I drove up to Lake Lure for the day, we stopped in Chimney Rock, which has a river that flows parallel to the main street down in back of all the quant little shops. You can access the “riverwalk” via stairs that run down betwen the stores. The water levels were very low, owing to drought conditions there in western N.C., and we went down and climbed around the big rocks that would normally be mostly submerged but are now mostly above the water. The water was only a foot or so deep. We had some fun climbing the rocks and taking pictures of each other - my quarterstaff came in handy as a balancing pole, and also as a lever to get myself up the steeper rock surfaces. Then from there we went and rented a boat for ourselves and motored all around the lake, ogling the huge homes and mansions along the shore. There was one little trailer - and an old one at that - nestled between two ostentatious estates that we cheered about. It was refreshing to see that even the rich and famous can’t control ALL the good real estate, you know?
Well, I’m sorry to say that my “healthy eating” was unable to withstand the temptations of vacation: to begin with, the kids had the car packed solid with every kind of cookie, chip, cracker and drink (some bottles of water, thank gawd!) known to man. It was a 16-hour drive, but it went quickly with each of us driving 3-4 hours apiece and then resting, reading or sleeping while the others took their turns. The kiddos - the little grandbabies, I mean, were no trouble at all. That in and of itself positively amazed me! But they did puzzles, watched DVD’s (Yes, of COURSE they had their little DVD player), played videogames, and ultimately, slept. We stopped a few times to use the facilities and have a little nosh, but otherwise just drove straight on through. I’d forgotten what a WIDE state Virginia is! I thought we were stuck in an instant replay or something - seemed like we were in Virginia for most of the trip! We had my daughter Kim’s Garmin Nuvi (?) which I found quite entertaining, except for when we left the highway to grab a coffee or use the bathroom, and it said, quite sternly, “Make a U-turn as quickly as possible and get back on 81 south!” We KNEW to do that!!!!
But, as I was saying, it started with the snacks in the car and just got progressively worse with each day that we were there. By the time we got home, I felt like a stuffed pig (thus the “jiggedy-jig”) and still am feeling like one. I dare NOT get on the scale. I don’t think I could handle it right now. I’m going to gradually wean myself back off the nasty stuff (ice cream, cookies and such) and try to regain my healthy momentum. I DID find a Leslie Sansone “beginner’s” Walk Off The Pounds tape with both a one mile walk and a two-mile walk and bought it. Surely I can do that daily if I do nothing else of any physical value. I’m so tired, though, of having to work so hard for such minimal results. I REALLY get a kick out of the health columns where they assure you that “just by substituting sugar free iced tea for the sweetened kind, you can lose five pounds in a year. Yeah? What if you never drank sweetened iced tea to BEGIN with? Why am I not losing five pounds each and every year, then? Oh, blah! Small changes, my butt! ANYWAY, I’m willing to put some effort into it - I really, really would like to take off at least ten more pounds, but at my advanced age, I’m not sure I should HAVE to, you know? I mean, who CARES what I weigh besides ME? DH certainly couldn’t care less one way or the other. I mean, I’m sure he’d worry if I were to grow TOO big - healthwise, I mean - but ten pounds up or down wouldn’t even register with him, I don’t think. Unfortunately, it registers with ME, and I manage to make myself quite miserable when I’m not happy with my weight. Blah.
Oh, I’m SO glad that Ruby Jean’s Mum is home where she belongs, and I DO hope that she gets to feeling better soon. And, feathers, have you had your surgery yet? That’s SO exciting! I’m anxious for all the details! And Anniegirl is to become a property owner, Ms. Close is off vacationing, and where is Ini? Joannie? Have you picked out your dress yet? Please share! In the meantime, I am muddling through, trying to catch up with everyone, and haven’t quite managed it all yet.
Talk soon,
Z
at work, and then off to Sis’s for a week or so. We’re driving, as you know, so we might opt to stay a few extra days. We’ll see. It seems important to have a few days to wind down on the other side of the trip before going back to work, so we may leave (Sis’s) a week from next Thursday or next Friday-ish. Not sure. I do know that these three days at work are NOT going to be much fun. WAY too much to do, and arrived here today to learn that the water is shut off in the building. (we can use the “facilities” next door at Jury’s Hotel, but I ASK you - how comfortable is that?) To add insult to injury, because the besement is apparently flooded, we can’t use the elevators, so going to pee would mean (for me) walking down five flights of stairs and then, for gawd’s sake, back UP again! Now, how well do you suppose this is going to work for someone who customarily eats a breakfast with in the vicinity of 30 grams of fiber, and then drinks HUGE amounts of water throughout the day? NOT OPTIMUM. I may very well end up just packing it in and heading home. If they’re smart, they’ll send everybody home, anyway. You can’t operate an office building with no sanitary facilities or water. I swear these people are crazy. One of the top execs (They’re all away at a conference this week) is flying back to deal with the problem. Seems a little absurd that they can’t declare a state of emergency and send people home until he gets here. Poor management practices, as far as I’m concerned. But I’ll be darned if I’ll take a half personal day because of their failure to plan properly for emergencies. I can wait them out. (I think).
Hot out there. <sigh> Getting hot in here. I am NOT a happy camper, not inclined to work much. Not under the circumstances.
I think I’m actually going to miss DH while I’m away in NC without him. Maybe. He’s already started to look hang-doggish and talk about our being so many miles apart and all. I pointed out that he’ll be up in NH Friday - Sunday, and it’s unlikely that he’ll have much time to be missing me. Monday - Friday might get a little lonely, but he’ll have Yoko and Daisy (the khats), after all. The way I’m feeling is that I’d welcome a week to myself, with no need to interact with anybody if I didn’t want to. I think I would’ve thrived as a hermit. Or not. I dunno. But he (DH) is being awfully sweet, and sweet tends to go along way with me. I’m such a sucker for sweet, I swear! Except I really, really need my “alone” time - something I haven’t had very much of for a very long time, now, and don’t expect to get much of while I’m “on vacation” over the coming week. Oh, well. If I can grab a day or two here and there before summer shouts it’s last Hurrah, and take myself off for a solitary day on the rocks overlooking the ocean at Newport, I’ll get my batteries recharged and be good again for another little while.
Well, it’s later, now - 3:01 to be exact - the water’s back on, more’s the pity, and I didn’t get to go home after all. Got some work done, which is a good thing, and made it through the “dry times” without any serious problems.
Hey! Everybody give Ruby Jean a big round of applause! I mean, that girl is DOING IT!!!!!!! Roo-bee! Roo-bee! Roo-bee! (you’re supposed to imagine a huge crowd of supporters chanting….) Ruby, you are an inspiration to us all! Yay, Ruby! If my math is correct, we’re talking 17.5 pounds, right? AWESOME! GREAT job, Rubes!
Oh, isn’t it lovely - all this great and marvelous web of folks: this web of lovely JEWELS - that we’ve got here together?
Wednesday - and only two more days to go….
I’m back. Never did get a chance to finish this up yesterday. Got home and whipped up a lovely Jambalaya (Zatarain’s - I didn’t have to add a single spice of my own!) with chunks of pork roast left over from Sunday and a pound of lovely shrimp. Delicioso! And healthy! (Who would’ve guessed?). Washed hair and had myself a long soak in the tub after supper, and then it was off to bed. Couldn’t stop yawning. Then couldn’t stay asleep. Woke up three or four times over the course of the night (I should’ve given Ms. Close a call!) and then got up at 5:00 AM and drank several cups of coffee in rapid succession. So far, I’m managing to stay awake, although I’m not too optimistic about how I’ll be doing this afternoon. Right now I’m nibbling on dry oatmeal squares cereal - just ate a big, ripe peach. I’ve been drinking loads and loads of water, and I’m feeling very virtuous with regard to eating. Well, not virtuous, exactly, but just sort of comfortable, I guess you’d say. Not worried about counting anything or measuring anything - just eating good, nutritious foods in reasonable amounts. Of course my exercise program (my non-existent exercise program, that is) is down the toilet, but I’m not aiming for perfection, here - I’m just aiming for being able to handle the sight of myself in a mirror, or in a store window in passing, you know? Perfect is scary. I am slowly growing fond of my “laugh lines”, and if not fond, tolerant of my curves and less repulsed by those secret sags that get hidden by my choice of clothing. The one thing that I never want to do - or be - is that old lady with the make-up plastered on with a trowel, the hair dyed golden blonde, and the wrinkled bosom pushed up and presented to the world on a corsetted shelf like some huge, overripe and mushy pair of melons. I see one of those at the grocery market every so often, and it never fails to send me home loving my wrinkles and congratulating myself on my own good sense in knowing when to give up on the cleavage, and embrace age like a long-lost friend.
Well, I’m off to see the wizard - or more accurately, off to tie up as many loose ends as possible before heading off on my adventure with the children. I did a good bit of packing last night, and will finish up between tonight and tomorrow night. I still may have to cull through what I’ve already packed and remove a few things. I felt myself getting a little carried away with the “just in case” items last night.
Take good care, my web of jewels,
Hugs,
Z
…at girls who wear glasses”. SO, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not a GIRL anymore (nor am I interested in having passes made at me - too freaking old), because I have just joined the glasses-wearing crowd! Here I am in my new shades: (Of course you young-un’s won’t remember the above quote; it ages me considerably, but after all, who’s checking birth certs around here, anyway?)
Scary, eh? This is my pensive face. I’m supposed to look intellectual. LOL! Well, I’ve actually had glasses for years, now. Twenty, at least. My right eye is weak, and I am near-sighted like crazy. Never any trouble reading things up close, but distance has always been a bit troublesome. Not troublesome enough, however, to actually WEAR those danged glasses of mine, and definitely not pesky enough for me to be poking contact lenses into my eyes. No, not me. Nuh-uh. So, anyway, for the past month or so, my eyes have been blurring and feeling strained, and I’ve had a sort of low-grade headache, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I needed to wear my glasses! So I pulled them out of their dusty old case - they were stuck way in the back of a kitchen drawer - cleaned them off and stuck them on my face. There was a minor improvement, but not nearly enough, so it was apparent that I need(ed) a new prescription and some new glasses. (Ugh).
So, today I stayed home from work and off DH & I went to the eye doctor, after which we presented ourselves at Lenscrafters with paperwork in hand and started trying to find frames that I could live with. Well, there weren’t any regular glasses frames that I liked at all. I mean, flat out NONE. But I did like some of the sunglasses frames, and actually found some that they said they could put my (bifocal) lenses into. How kewl was that? Now the ones I REALLY liked - the Jackie-O’s - were just TOO BIG, they said, for my (old lady) lenses, but they could do those with just the distance prescription and sunglass tint (for driving). And I did manage to find some - a little bit smaller - I like nearly as much that they COULD put my (bifocal) lenses into, and those are what you see above. (And this is how I suppose I’ll be looking forevermore). Ultimately, we walked out of Lenscrafters having spent a whopping $730, but I think I may actually be able to bring myself to wear the darned things, you know? It’s just so annoying to think that with $730, we could’ve spent a couple of nights at the Cape or something. Jeeze. Well, I believe that my vision care plan at work will reimburse one pair of glasses per year, so I’ll get at least a partial reimbursement for what we spent, which is helpful, anyway. I have those glasses on right now, in fact - with my nightgown (am wondering if that’s proper glasses etiquette; does one wear glasses with pajamas?)
While my glasses were being made, DH and I had supper at Bertucci’s in the mall. Yeah. Not optimum, but yummy. Some of you may be familiar with their “Sporkie” pizza? Ohhhh. SO good! So calorie-filled, indeed. And I inhaled every last bite. Yes I did. It’s not EXACTLY “junque”; it tasted very fresh and all….oh, alright. While in the throes of trauma over having to finally give in to wearing glasses ALL THE TIME, I resorted to an old source of comfort - rich and plentiful food. I diodn’t even finish the Caesar salad that I ordered on the side. If I’d been half-way smart, I would’ve eaten all of that and then only had room for maybe a little bit of pizza. But not me - nope. I left plenty of room for pizza, and to heck with the salad! I may spend eternity trying to shed these last ten or so pounds - I’d prefer 20, but would settle for ten - and when you’re wearing glasses, who’s going to notice, anyway? (Just kidding).
Well, must be getting ready for work - just wanted to share this pivotal moment with you-all….(yes, and kvetch over it a bit).
Hugs,
Z