Here I am, back at work on an ordinary Monday, which means a full week of work ahead of me for the first time in awhile. Well, there IS MLK Jr.’s birthday on the 19^th, which will provide a little respite, but I’m actually looking at two solid weeks of work, here, and it’s not the most cheerful thought in the world, let me tell you. On the other hand, it’s a WHOLE lot better than being without a job, which is the plight of far too many of our fellow countrywomen (and men) these days, so I guess I’ll opt for appreciating as opposed to complaining this time around. In fact, I’ve been thinking some on that very subject, and have come to the conclusion (again; I’ve actually reached this conclusion at various other times in my life) that my life is exactly how I have chosen for it to be, so if there’s anything I don’t like about it, I need to make different choices.

Now one of those choices is about my relationship with food. For many, many (FAR too many to count) years, now, I have accepted that I, unlike my more slim and svelte friends, have a weight problem. It’s a problem that I can solve – sometimes for very long periods of time, even, but never, it would seem, permanently. Inevitably, I always find myself bouncing back up no matter how strongly I have insisted to myself that having lost those unwanted pounds, I will never again regain them. I’m now a good 15 pounds up from my best, most comfortable weight, and I’m not wanting to start restricting myself to tiny portions and only this or only that…and yet I know that that’s the only way I’ve really managed to succeed in the past. But I feel very strongly that THIS time around, what I really, really need to do is stop feeling comforted by food – stop enjoying it quite so much, and start treating it the way I treat, well – gasoline, say, for my car. It’s necessary to fill up periodically, but I certainly don’t look forward to a trip to the gas station with any anticipatory relish. If I could see food as necessary, but not quite so pleasant – if I could see it as *fuel* rather than a “treat” or something that I deserve, or something that I can’t seem to get enough of – then I think I could start getting my weight where I want it to be without it’s being such a major project, and without a *diet* taking over so much of my life, and so much of my conscious attention. I also need to adapt a more Zen-like outlook towards eating – a kind of observer vs. participant role. I need to learn to observe my own reactions and attitudes towards certain foods and let them sort of “flow through” me without getting stuck or snagged on them and feeling that I HAVE to have something or other. So, anyway, THAT’S one of the things I’ll be trying to do this year.

Another thing will be to adapt a more Zen-like attitude towards my relationship with my younger daughter (the one who is preggers with twins). She and I are BOTH just a tad too controlling, I’m afraid, and tend to be rather brittle with each other – or at least this is how it’s been for the past year or so. SO, I’m going to stop EXPECTING her to say or do things that I think she should say or do. Because isn’t that precisely why we become disappointed with or offended by someone? Because they don’t behave the way we’d like them to? And if we don’t expect anything, there’s nothing that can offend or disappoint us. (Just think of me as the 3FC mystic-in-residence). So that’s another change in attitude that I’m working on this year.

So, on Saturday we spent the afternoon and evening with a group of friends out at yet another friend’s place deep in the New England woods (but WITH electricity, I’m happy to report) and we simply had a fantastic time kicking off the new year a few day’s late – but who’s counting, after all? There were about twelve of us, and everyone brought something to contribute to our New Year’s feasting (I brought my signature Jambalaya with jumbo shrimp and sausage, and a huge Greek salad) and we ate, drank (non-alcoholic bubbly, coffee, and a wide variety of exotic teas; none of us cares a fig for alcohol) and made extremely merry indeed. In addition to our culinary contributions, we were all asked to contribute something of ourselves – music, poetry, drama, prose, dance, whatever we chose to do. There was some serious talent on display throughout the evening, and not all from the professionals in the crowd, although there were actually several of those in attendance. It was just great good fun, and lightened my mood (after all the ice storms and snow storms and so on and so forth) considerably. I should probably point out that this is NOT our White Mountain crowd – our White Mountain group comes from various parts of the country (some of them from the west coast, even) for our summer gatherings, but this New Year’s crowd is more local – comprised of folks that we get together with every couple or three months to wax philosophical on whatever subject – or subjects – come up. But, as I said, all the hilarity and jovial displays of affection and interest and so on and so forth really served to “lighten” me up a bit and dispel some of the post-holiday gloom that I’d been carrying around.

So, anyway, in view of attempting a new approach – to *dieting*, or perhaps more accurately, to just living in general, I’m going to try to get back to blogging here more often and more regularly, and I hope to see some of the rest of you who have slacked off (same as me) get back to hanging here with us again, too. And, I really, really appreciate those of you who have hung in here and kept up the good work while I’ve been off brooding. SO nice to have good friends to “come home to”.

Hugs,

Z