Oh, blah. Gray, wet and moldy. Squish, squish. Brrrrrr and shiver. My allergy to mold spores has kicked in and I’ve been sneezing and my eyes have been running all day. (Picturing eyeball with little stick arms and legs running down the street). I’m less depressed than I might be, though. Don’t have a CLUE why I’m more upbeat than I have been all week unless it’s the glorious two hours I had to myself this afternoon - I came home early from work at @ 1:30 and DH had to go to the bank and then to Home Depot to pick up a few things. I actually had my house to myself, which, as I may or may not have mentioned, I have not done since we moved here. And THAT has been working my last nerve and that’s the truth. With DH home all day - and getting back before I do even when he does go out somewhere - well, I have begun to feel very stifled, and that’s the truth. So today was a rare and lovely treat. I was tempted, in fact, to do all the things one simply doesn’t do when in the company of someone else - like fart - but don’t you know I just didn’t have to? Isn’t that always the way? What I did do was take a long, luxurious bath - with the bathroom door wide open, which of course I would never do with anyone there (no, not even DH! I am a VERY PRIVATE PERSON that way. Just don’t feel comfortable performing my personal hygiene routine with an audience. Never did.) I had one unpleasant moment or two when I sneezed, and sneezing in the tub is simply no fun at all. You have to first dry off your hands, reach out and over to the shelf for a tissue, and then after you’ve used it, you realize you’ve nowhere to put it short of dropping it on the floor and making sure NOT to step on it when you exit the tub. Anyway, that was lovely, and because my waistbands have been loosening up considerably since I made this firm recommitment to losing these last 20 pounds, I had the nerve to stand nekkid in the full-length mirror. Now, if anything was going to depress me, you’d think that certainly would’ve, because all my excess “pinch WAY more than an inch” around the waist and tops of my legs, which doesn’t look half so bad under my (carefully chosen) clothes looks pretty awful when its just all hanging out uncovered and uncensored like that. But I really am okay with it. Not okay enough yet to get on the scale, but okay all the same. I’m doing pretty well with my eating - haven’t exceeded 1400 calories a day in over two weeks, now, and I really do plan to get this weight off over the next three months or so. I really yearn to get back to where I was just five short years ago so that I can spend the summer wearing shorts and short-sleeved or sleeveless tops without looking horrible in them.

Well, it’s Saturday. I had to interrupt myself yesterday to go pick up my prescrips - am still taking blood pressure meds although I’m not entirely sure that I need them anymore. Since I quit smoking over a year ago (Jan. 7, 2007) and managed to get from 194 pounds down to 168 (and maybe a little less now, hopefully) it may well be that my blood pressure is fine without any medicinal regulating. It’s always @ 102 or so over 75, and that’s pretty optimum. Once I start getting more exercise, now that winter’s over and I can get outside and move about some, that should do the trick. Of course, on the other hand, this tension with DH’s hanging about the house like some kind of wounded warrior - feeling sorry for himself apparently, and not doing too much of anything - might be counterbalancing things…hmmmmm. We DID have something of a showdown this morning. Nothing terribly unpleasant, but I did tell him very candidly that he needs to get moving and do something productive with his time. After a little initial defensiveness, he came around and we were able to have a good heart-to-heart and get everything out and talked about. We really needed to do that. The pressure has been building and I’ve been more and more annoyed with him, when he is essentially a lovely man who simply has never, since he was 15 years old, been without a job. I guess adjusting to that has got to be pretty tough. But he agreed that he needs to organize his time better and make plans to accomplish thus and such and then accomplish it - which will make him feel more productive because he will, of course, BE more productive.

I’ve been out an about running errands this morning and now plan on doing just about nothing until it’s time to cobble up some supper for us. I didn’t eat breakfast, which is typically a no-no for sure, but I ran out early and just didn’t take the time. We had lunch at around 1:00 and it was delish - about a cup of fresh strawberries apiece, a mashed avocado with lemon juice and pepper (we each had half), and a half cup or so of fat free cottage cheese with pineapple. I also had eight wheat thin crackers. It was VERY good - just the right blend of flavors. Supper’s going to be some chicken breast cut up into chunks mixed into brown rice and black beans with diced green & red peppers, onions, and cajun seasonings. Probably a piece of lavash bread, and then, for our evening snack, the WW chocolate ice cream sandwiches that we both really like.

Oh, I AM rambling. Hopefully, we’ll have a sunshiny day tomorrow - that’s what’s predicted, at any rate - and we can go walking over at the reservoir.

I mailed off a care package to my DS this morning - a good-sized cardboard carton packed absolutely FULL of everything from Fiber One bars (he loves the peanut butter ones) which cost way more out in L.A. than they do here in Massachusetts, to those Bumble Bee Packets of albacore tuna and salmon and seasoned chicken breasts, Dunkin Doughnuts coffee (on sale at our local Stop & Shop for $9.00 for two pounds; close to that out there for one pound), Oatmeal-To-Go bars (really, really good, if you’ve never tried them), rice and pasta sides, lavash bread (they don’t have the same kind out there)….oh, lots and lots of stuff - when I went to mail it, it weighed in at 36 pounds. Good grief. Well, it at least makes me feel like I’m doing a little something for my kiddo, you know?

Okay. Rambling now - time to sign off….

Enjoy your weekends, my lovely chickies,

Z