I’m eating my “emergency” candy bar. I’ve carried it in my pocketbook for about four months now. I like doing things like that, because every time I’m looking for something in there and happen to catch a glimpse of it, I feel strong and intrepid and I-am-woman-hear-me-roarish. Today I am feeling weak and don’t-give-a-poopish, and I’m eating it and so there! :p  I’m actually figuring to give myself a little break and start REALLY DIETING on March 15th. By June 15th, I plan on being 20 pounds lighter. Three months. Pretty ambitious, sure. Of course twenty years ago I could’ve lost twenty pounds in ONE month; maybe even in a just two or three weeks. But NOW, of course, it takes longer because EVERYTHING takes longer. Walking up the few stairs into my house last night, I tripped over my coat, which is ankle-length and quite chic, but obviously designed for a better-coordinated wearer. I actually do it quite often - trip on it walking up stairs, I mean. I have a black woolen one and a dark brown woolen one, and usually, what I’m wearing looks good with one of those colors, so I switch back and forth with those two long coats and just a few others most of the time. So I tripped on the danged coat and became infuriated. Just so sick of wearing these big, bulky clothes - heavy sweaters, coats, jackets, scarves, boots. So SICK of it! I had a little mini-tantrum. Poor DH. I am becoming so difficult to live with these days. We haven’t had such a rotten winter in as far back as I can remember, and now that it’s not snowing so much, we’re getting lots and lots of cold, cold rain. Lovely. I know I’ll be feeling better once it warms up a little and we get a few consecutive days of sunshine. But right now, it’s eat the candy bar or jump out my window and down six flights into Boston traffic. Between now and Sunday, I’m thinking I should get anything I’ve been depriving myself of eaten, enjoyed, and over with. No matter how long it’s been since I made my “lifestyle change”, I still haven’t managed to convince myself that carrot sticks are yummier than chocolate. Not by a long shot. I made my signature summer squash, zuchinni squash, onion & garlic butter (butter substitute) stir-fry for Sunday’s dinner, and where I usually enjoy every last bite of that stuff - I mean really savor it like some fine gourmet delicacy - this time it was just ho-hum. So, now I’ve eaten the candy bar (inhaled it while typing this) and will undoubtedly now crave carbohydrates and sweets from morning ’til night. Self-destructiveRme…LOL! Well, at least I’m establishing a cut-off point, right? Four days of guilt-free eating whatever-the-heck I want, and that’s all there is to it. THEN I count again. And count and count and count. <sigh>

Okay, so it won’t be 100% guilt-free. Shoot. I’m already suffering pangs of self-loathing and all I ate was that one stoopid candy bar! I don’t care! I’m going to do this! I’m taking a mini-vacay from healthy eating. I NEED it. (Unless the sun comes out and a Daffodil or two pops up).

Why is it when MEN are overweight, they don’t feel much self-consciousness about it at all? My DH needs to lose at least 25 pounds, and he’s not the slightest bit concerned with how he looks. Pffft.

Did I mention that it’s gray & raining outside? Ack.

I want to go home, put on some sweats and lie in the “big chair”. When I lay in the “big chair”, Yoko (the energetic cat) climbs up and lays at my feet on the ottoman. She kneads and purrs and finally falls asleep down there. Odd, isn’t it, because she refuses to be held, and won’t lay on the bed if either of us is on it.

Hey! I bought one of those banana clips for my hair! I LIKE it! I can just pull it all back in a pile and clip it. What a grand idea! I was putting it into a low pony tail and tying a scarf on it, but this is WAY easier. I hadn’t even thought of the banana clips, but when I was in the market yesterday I spotted a display and thought, “Yes! Perfect!” And it is.

Now I could eat my orange or wait until I leave here and buy something sweet and gooey. LOL. I guess I’ll eat my orange.

Hugs to all,

Z