January feels bitter on my tongue, like turnips or dandelion greens. It’s that kind of unpleasant without being totally vile sort of feeling - bearable, but not if you could help it. Not if there are alternatives. Things feel stark, and of course cold - always the cold and brittleness about everything. And gray. Grayness as well.

My sister is doing well. She had a not-so-well period yesterday morning and cried on the phone with me. I immediately started looking up flights to Asheville. Then, last night, she sounded much, much better, and it seemed more sensible to save my vacay days for more “Thelma & Louise-ing” - our next trip together will be to Los Angeles to visit my DS and drive ourselves down the PCH into Malibu in a (rented) convertible with long white silk scarves trailing behind us (and hopefully NOT getting caught in the wheels of the car and strangling us a la Isadora Duncan).

DH is moping about these days whenever he feels he can get away with it - quite getting on my nerves, really. Oh, he’s done a LOT around the (new) apartment, and made loads of progress in that regard, but the new C# programming that he paid $500 to download from Microsoft is apparently becoming less than challenging for him and he is becoming absent-minded - lost his reading glasses last night. They’re somewhere in the house, obviously, as he didn’t go out anywhere, but where they are remains a mystery. He was in a great panic looking for them from the time I got home from work yesterday until he went to bed. This was NOT my idea of a relaxing evening after commuting back & forth 45 miles each way and working all day. I am becoming quite impatient with him, I’m afraid. He was heading off to Lenscrafter’s today for replacements, and undoubtedly the others will turn up at some future point wherever it is that he put them down. And, he’s moaning and groaning about the cost and his lack of income, and I just want to give him a kick in the behind and tell him that #1, we clearly aren’t going to starve to death, and that we could actually get along fine for at least six or more months even if he were out of work that long, and #2, if it’s bothering him so much, he should start applying for some jobs. Blah. Plus, he snores loudly enough to wake the dead. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I wasn’t cut out to live alone, but of course that’s not a bit fair, because I do love the old coot and appreciate all he does to make me happy except I’m just not all that happy right now. Moving, my sister’s needing open heart surgery, the weather, his moping, etc., etc., have just all accumulated together in one slimy pool of sludge that I seem, at the moment, to be mired down in.

Better days are, of course, ahead. My daughter and I are going to turn the backyard into a place of relaxation and comfort for the weary (us). We’re planning a stone patio, a (small, unassuming) fountain, and a beamed sort of partial roof over the patio built of rough heavy beams from which we’ll hang a profusion of plants and greenery. And chaise lounges…and very possibly a hot tub. Yeah. Better days.

Diet? Oh. RIGHT! Well, I made a vegetarian stuffed acorn squash last night for supper that was absolutely awesome - got the recipe off some vegetarian website a while ago - you make the stuffing with brown rice, apple chunks, raisins, faux (soy-based) sausage meat, onions, chopped green & red peppers and celery. SO good. Should sort of balance out the tiramisu I had at lunchtime? LOL. I AM getting quite a bit of exercise, although not of the structured variety - mostly bending up and down arranging stuff, vacuuming, and walking around the grocery market.

I’m thinking seriously of getting myself some wire and constructing a papier mache mobile to hang in the bathroom. Oh, how I adore my bathroom! Yes, yes! I MUST take pictures soon, for it is indeed an awesome bathroom! My children have all separately confided that they believeI may have “missed my calling” and should have been an interior designer. I suspect they’re right, because I do take such pleasure in creating beautiful environments and spaces to live in. Many years ago - too many, really, to count - I had a four-year scholarship to the Rhode Island School of Design that I tossed aside in favor of more socially-conscious pursuits. I guess I was just too caught up in the anti-war and civil rights movements (yes, I am THAT old!) and felt strongly compelled to do something to bring about change in the world. This, too, falls into the category of “if I’d only known then what I know now”. Not that I’d neccessarily change any of those choices, because in that time and place, they were the right ones - but I do find myself yearning a bit for my lost opportunities to develop my creative side more fully.

But again, January is a yearning month, don’t you think? Dark and grim, at least here in New England. Still too far away from Spring to feel much optimism, and still grinding along in the cold and echoing halls of winter.

DH just called. With his AAA 30% discount, his replacement glasses will cost $325. More turnipy taste in my mouth. Because he lost them somewhere in the damned house. And in the meantime, I have tried not to spend an unneccessary dime on anything. Well, fook it. I’m stopping at the mall on my way home and buying something for myself that I have no bloody need for whatsoever just because I can if I danged well want to.

January is not my favorite month.

I sure am glad that you-all are here. Helps. Helps a lot.

Z