Lovely balmy days in the 50’s last week - even hit sixty for a while. Wonderful. Bleak-looking, with all the bare trees and dirty patches of nearly-melted snow, but so nice to be able to forego gloves and eliminate a few layers of clothes. And now Winter has returned in all of her magnificent fury to snatch the season back from her more mild-mannered cousin, Spring. Work called off yesterday due to the Nor’easter that swept through, which turned out to be not nearly so bad as the one we had in December when I drove up the turnpike in blizzard - white-out conditions for four hours armed only with my Venice Beach sunglasses perched on my head and wrapped in my paisley woolen scarf, also a gift from DS. Effective talismans for sure. Back at work today and easing gradually back into the routine…on only my first cup of coffee, so they needn’t expect any productivity quite yet.

The moving saga continues…my long, four-day weekend lent itself to attending to a lot of details followed by soothing soaks in that elegant old lady tub of mine whom I’ve christened “Ms. Hepburn”. DH has even availed himself of a few baths despite being a “shower person” and has enjoyed them immensely. Perhaps even, from  my personal perspective, a bit TOO immensely. I tend to think of my bathroom as a feminine enclave, and must admit that I find his lordship’s bulkiness somewhat disturbing. Disturbing in the sense of settling in for a good night’s rest in summer and hearing, suddenly, the unmistakable whine of a mosquito. I am a very private person and like my things arranged rather precisely (alright, alright…maybe just a TAD obsessive-compulsive) and like them not to be used by anyone else. When guests come to stay, I put a pile of nice fluffy towels and washcloths on the chair in the guest bedroom, along with a nice little basket of soaps, lotions, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, etc. Naturally, I do it to make them feel welcome and loved, but I also like for my own stuff to not be tampered with. And DH is a born tamperer. Has to give everything a try, I swear! And even if he doesn’t try it, he moves it to look at more closely, evidently. Tsk. AND he doesn’t clean the tub out properly, either. I like for my tub to reflect the sunlight, which means getting off every last little smidge of soap scum. That’s right. That’s how I am. I’m not overtly fussy, but I DO tend to simmer a bit when I’ve cleaned something thoroughly, and go back to find it smudged up. When my kids were growing up, I lived with smudges and spots and spills and stains…you can’t avoid it, after all, and they had such fun creating their messes that I ended up jumping right in and messing up right along with them. Lovely. A wonderful period in my life. But now they’re all grown up, and I CAN have things looking nice, so that’s what I want to do. So shoot me, y’know? I really think that DH prefers his showers anyway, so this may just be a passing fancy on his part - this testing of the tub, so to speak. I’ll give him another few weeks, and if it continues, may have to speak sharply about boundaries and his stuff VS mine. <Giggling here…don’t I sound like the prim and proper Victorian lady? Look out…next thing you know, I may be referring to arms and legs as “limbs” and take to wearing bustles and laced corsets.>

Unpacking, hanging, folding, arranging, etc. That’s my life. Yesterday I attended to that all morning and had a complete melt down in the afternoon. Laid myself out in the “big chair” & ottoman in the living room, covered up with a throw, read a few pages of my latest Lescroart and promptly fell in and out of sleep for the duration. The afternoon seemed to just stretch out ahead of me forever…usually when I’m home, the time passes way too quickly, but yesterday for some reason, it seemed to telescope so that each minute lasted for an hour and each hour expanded out to two or three, at least. I managed to climb out of that rather marvelous cocoon in time to make some supper and eat it with DH. No candle light, no flowers, no soft music playing in the backfround. I know that we should occasionally do those things for ourselves, but then another little voice arises, snickering, and saying…”You’re too old for such posturing and putting on!”

My sister, whom some of you may recall is twelve or so years older than I and lives in North Carolina - was going into the hospital in Asheville today for a catheterization in her heart; they are thinking she needs a valve replaced, and this should give them a definitive answer one way or the other. We had a very upbeat conversation on the phone last night - talked about this past fall’s revisiting of our old stomping grounds in and around Little Compton, RI, and the “Thelma & Louise-ishness” of our little vacation together, and how our next trip maybe should be Charleston, SC….and then, when we’re ready for the drive off the cliff…it should be on the Pacific Coast Highway down Malibu way. But despite trying to keep light (and bearable) I know that she is frightened, and I am as well. Sometimes I am struck by the essential sadness of life - loving and losing each other. I have tried very hard to find some sense to it all, and I’m afraid that I’ve been unable to.

I am eating strangely these days….fortunately, I don’t buy junk food, or I would undoubtedly have inhaled enough of that to gain 50 pounds. No, I’ve been nibbling on raisins, oatmeal squares cereal, Fiber One bars, and usually one decent meal each day (low fat, low calorie, high fiber as much as possible). The result is that I don’t feel like I’m eating right, and in fact know that I’m not, but have at least managed not to gain any weight back, which is helpful to my current state of mind.

Oh my goodness, AnnGirly! A nudest retreat!??!! Hmmm. I understand that once you get used to it, it feels perfectly natural, but I’m afraid I’d never survive the “getting used to it” part! It’s an interesting concept…I’m not sure I entirely understand the philosophy…but it seems okay, except that I’m WAY too inhibited! I can barely bring myself to go out on the beach in a bathing suit without a cover-up, let alone in the nude!

Well, I am not very focused today…really need another cuppa coffee, so I guess I’ll head on down to the lunch room.

Hugs to all,

Z