I’m VERY new to blogging of any kind. Conversely, I have YEARS of experience in both dieting and living. When I was younger, I kept handwritten journals in which I was able to vent and blow off steam and in general, survive the life that I had created for myself. I have since learned to do a somewhat better job of creating. Not perfect, mind you, but somewhat better than my earlier efforts, to be sure. Among the things I’ve learned is the inalienable truth (at least for me) that we rarely are perceived of by others the way we perceive that they are perceiving us. In addition, our perceptions of self are frequently just as skewed. Ah. But what about the DIET, you say? This is, after all, a DIET blog, is it not? Oh, to be sure. But that relates to self-perception, and how so many of us plod along for months and months - and most assuredly, even years - refusing to see how heavy we’ve become and in fact, developing all kinds of clever ways to convince ourselves that “we really look just fine”, or that we “look good for our age”, or that the sizes of clothes have changed so radically that what was formerly a size 8 is now being sold as a 14, and therefore, when we are squeezing into an 18, it’s REALLY like we were squeezing into a 14 after all, and while 14 isn’t exactly svelte, it’s not HUGE, either. It’s the average American woman’s size, isn’t it? Okay. So now we’re ready to settle for average. Why should we attempt to be superior to our sisters? Solidarity to the bitter end, right? All for one and one for all, etc., etc. Except that’s not always the way it goes. At least not in the world of dieting outside of 3FC. Really. There seem to be an awful lot of people who more or less depend on us to be overweight out there. I even have a grown daughter who becomes quite chilly and stand-offish towards me whenever I embark on any sort of self-improvement effort. In her late 20’s, she has one six-year-old daughter and a very attentive and attractive husband who is doing well in his career (as is she) and a very nice life. SO nice and comfy, in fact, that she’s gained a good 30 - 35 pounds over the past few years, feels horribly insecure and “sensitive” about her weight, but makes no effort (fear of failure?) to do anything about it. When I start to lose weight, she seems to increase her efforts to demonstrate that she can and will eat anything she wants…often punctuated by commentary such as “DH loves having a little something to hold on to…”  Ahuh. This, mind you, is an absolutely gorgeous girl who has historically turned heads whenever she’s walked into a room. Don’t get me wrong - she’s still an attractive woman, but an attractive woman who could benefit from losing 35 pounds, you know?

But this isn’t her blog after all…it’s mine, and I’ll try my best to keep it that way, except that I DO have family members whose lives tend to overlap with mine, so I may end up “blogging” about them, as well.

My son, who lives across the continent in Los Angeles has been home visiting for the past week, and I have been eating a bit off-plan. So, in my typical head-in-the-sand/what-I-don’t-know-can’t-hurt-me fashion, I won’t weigh myself for at least two weeks again, now. I started eating healthier and exercising in mid-April, and have lost 22 pounds. In January, I quit smoking after nearly 30 years. I guess I decided I’d like to live a while longer, and NOT live connected to one of those portable oxygen tanks or schlepping around in shapeless sacks optimistically chosen because they would cover “a multitude of sins” - NOT. Shapeless sacks STILL manage to take on the shapeless shape beneath them, like it or not.

So, after a week of excess, I am publicly RE-COMMITTING. I am half-way to my goal. I need to lose an additional 22 pounds. And I will, too. But I’ll have to “blog” about stuff other than my diet, as well, because my ability to diet is all tied up in self-image, relationships, mood, etc., etc.

I’ve been down this rabbit hole before, folks, and it has some strange and scary twists and turns.

Over and out,

Ellabella