Starting weight (7/15/08):    279.8    (1/8/08):    285.2
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):       1400  / 30.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  1433 / 25.2
Yesterday’s exercise:  45 minutes DDR
Weight Yesterday:  254.8    Today:  254.8
Change today:  -0.0 lbs.   Loss-so-far:  25.0 lbs.  /  30.4 lbs.

I didn’t go to work today, which is way out of the ordinary.  I laid in bed and babied my knee and watched movies and snoozed.  And tonight my knee is still swollen and still hurts with that icepick pain about every ten steps or so.  Rutzafutzakutzarutz.  Grrrrrr.

I didn’t even get up to get myself something to eat, so I had weird food today.  I snacked on nuts (baaaaad Eileen baaaaad) and then finally ordered food from the pizza place down the street.  I ordered myself a sub which had ham and cheese and pepperoni plus lettuce and banana peppers (mmmm love those) and of course I ate all the insides and discarded the outer bread part (their subs are like calzones).  Yummy but ultimately unsatisfying.  Two slices of low-carb bread and some peanut butter helped.

What sucks though is not being able to work off the fuel.  I know my body is doing important work all by itself and I would just interrupt that process if I was stupid enough to jump around on that knee, but… *sigh!*  If my knee isn’t significantly better by tomorrow then I’ll pull out the Total Gym.  I can just work out my upper half, like getupnow suggested.  I suppose I could have done that earlier today, but I didn’t even want to be up and around that much.

I talked to a friend on the phone today and she got all frustrated with me because I wouldn’t go to the emergency room or to my doctor.  Finally I started to cry and so then she was like OMG Eileen what’s going on?!?  So I explained to her that it’s a total waste of my time to go seek medical advice over this injury - and I know this because it’s not exactly the first time I’ve been here.  “Remember about eight years ago when I limped for almost a year?”  Yeah, she remembered that.  Well, I tore my miniscus in my left knee back then and went through all the emergency room visits and the doctor visits and the specialist visits and the xrays and the MRIs and was told that I had two choices:  1) surgery which would have about a 50-50 chance of helping or 2) letting it heal on its own which would have about a 50-50 chance of helping.  I opted for #2.  And after about nine months of limping around, my knee healed on its own.  Then last December I had a car accident and injured the same knee again.  It healed faster this time.  I knew what to do.  Just like I know what to do now. 

I felt like a big baby for crying but it’s just frustrating.  She thought I was just being stubborn and uncooperative and here she was just trying to help by badgering me into going to get medical attention and I just already know that it’s useless.  I wish someone could help me but they can’t.  And that’s what made me cry. 

I’ve had plenty of time to think today and I started thinking that maybe the DDR is too risky with this knee injury because there’s so much jumping which is so high-impact.  But then — I thought — bullshit!  I have felt stronger in my legs AND in my knees, stronger than I have in years, since starting the DDR/exercise.  Just a couple months ago I tried jumping rope and couldn’t do it at all.  Couldn’t jump.  Just a couple months ago, I couldn’t sit cross-legged.  My left knee wouldn’t bend that way.  And since starting DDR I’ve become much more limber and flexible - in that leg.  Yeah I should probably be a little more careful, but no, I don’t think I need to give up a source of exercise that I find fun and fulfilling. 

I believe that exercise will help me to build up muscle in my legs - and around my knees - muscle that will help me to prevent an injury in the future, not cause one.  

So that’s what I thought.

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Starting weight (7/15/08):    279.8    (1/8/08):    285.2
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):       1400  / 30.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  1216 / 27.2
Yesterday’s exercise:  1 hour DDR
Weight Yesterday:  255.4    Today:  254.8
Change today:  -0.6 lbs.   Loss-so-far:  25.0 lbs.  /  30.4 lbs.

I had another one of those can’t-believe-it moments this morning with the scale… another half a pound!  This is so exciting for me that I’m starting to really get nervous… when is the other shoe gonna drop?  Like I’m afraid tomorrow morning I’m gonna wake up to like a ten-pound gain. 

I was feeling really good this morning, first the weigh-in and then the jeans!  I put on a pair of jeans today that I haven’t worn in more than a year!  I tried them on just a few weeks ago and they were still too small for me to even get up over my hips.  This morning they just slid right on — even the zipper and button!  I did a little jig in the middle of my bedroom floor.

After lunch I was feeling strong and energetic so I plugged in the Xbox and did the DDR thing for about a half-hour.  Then this evening I went back to it, intending to put in another full hour — and I twisted something in my left knee.  It hurt a little but I kept going, thinking it would work itself out but then I got a *big* ouch so I walked away.  I thought maybe I could walk it out, but every few steps I got this stabbing pain in my knee — so I shut the game off.

I sat for a while tonight with an ice-pack on my knee and it helped a little but now I have this horrible crunch/pop thing happening whenever I bend my knee.  And every third or fourth step I get the ice-pick-pain.

Not good.

I had the car accident last winter that hurt my knee and it took me months to recover.  This is that same knee and so I’m so upset!  I need my knee to be okay so I can exercise!!!!!

=(

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