Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8  
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):       1400  / 25.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  1313 /  24.6
Yesterday’s exercise:  1 hour DDR
Weight Yesterday:  261.4    Today:  260.2
Change today:  -1.2   Loss-so-far: 19.6 lbs.

Today was gonna be the day.  When I woke up, I just knew it - it was my first thought:  “Today I’m gonna see two-fifty-something on the scale!  Wooohoooo!”

LOL!  260.2!  My scale has a definite sense of humor!

Eh, it’s okay.  The numbers will move.  Eventually.  I can wait it out.  The reason why I want to get to that group of ten is because that is where I was last summer.  I had quit smoking and taken up bicycling and had started losing weight — and then I got sick.  I spent almost two months in bed, doing nothing and gaining weight until this past January when I decided I’d gained enough.  More than enough. 

Then, after I get to the two-fifties, the two-forties are important to me for a different reason.  The year before, I was working for a different company and became friends with two other ladies who liked to go out walking at lunchtime.  Because of those daily walks, I lost about ten pounds and was down to two-forty-seven.  I. want. BADLY.  To be less than 247.  THEN I will feel like I’m truly making NEW progress (instead of correcting a more recent gain).

Like I said, I can wait it out.

2651

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8  
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):       1400  / 25.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  991 /  21.4
Yesterday’s exercise:  1 hour DDR
Weight Yesterday:  260.8    Today:  261.4
Change today:  +0.6   Loss-so-far: 18.4 lbs.

We have staff meetings at work, usually every second Tuesday.  We always have staff that participates by long-distance because they live in another part of the state so we use technology to hook them in.  So we can see each other by webcam, they can see my computer screen through GoToMeeting, and they can also hear us and each other by conference call. 

At the end of each meeting we all get a chance to tell “what’s going on,” and we can talk about work or home, whatever we wanna share.  The last couple meetings, when it was my turn to tell what’s new with me, a couple of my co-workers interrupted me, saying stuff like, ”Tell ‘em how you’re shrinking!” or like today one said, “Tell how your clothes are falling off at work!”  (The ones that work at the home office with me all saw those capri pants that I was wearing last week, LOL.)

It’s neat that my co-workers/friends know how consumed I am with the weight-loss thing and that they are supportive and encouraging and want to celebrate any success I’ve had.  I like that they are saying they can see a definite difference.  I like it — but I can also see how it could get … um … annoying. 

Here’s the thing, I’m only 20 lbs into this thing.  I still have well over 100 lbs to go!  I’ve barely scratched the surface of the change I want to make and I know that I’m still soooooooo fat.  Obese.  Extremely obese.  It’ll be a long time before I even get to the classification of “overweight.”  At the rate that I’m losing, I will still be on that journey a year from now. 

Twenty-six staff meetings, talking about my weight.  Oh boy am I ever looking forward to that.  *Rolling eyes*

A while back I read a blog (here!) where the person was pissed off because someone said something like, “Wow, you lost weight, you look so great!” which said to them, “Gee you looked crappy before” and then a couple blog entries later she was pissed off because she met up with someone she hadn’t seen in a long while and the person didn’t even acknowledge her OBVIOUS weight loss.  I thought it was amusing at the time because, huh, ya can’t have it both ways… either you want people to notice, or ya don’t.

Yet, here I am.  I want my friends to notice.  I like it.  I just don’t want my weight loss to be the only thing about me, any more than I wanted my obesity to be the only thing about me.  *Sigh*  It’s the way of the world, though - my outward appearance defines me in others’ eyes, whether I want it to or not.

Speaking of which, I was recently reading delitaagain’s blog and had a little personal epiphany about my outward appearance.  Her blog entry asked the question, “Are you portraying the outward appearance of the person you want people to see and perceive you as?”  Well, something like that, LOL, I think I screwed it up.  Anyway, I speak in public for a living and for years I haven’t given much thought to my outward appearance – I guess I was thinking something like, “People are gonna see a fat woman, what’s the difference if they see a fat woman with makeup on?” 

Well, there is a difference.  There’s the difference between someone who walks confidently and someone who doesn’t — and in the same way, there’s a difference between someone who took the time to look their best with makeup and accessories and someone who looks like they threw on their clothes and raced out the door. 

This past Saturday at my speaking engagement, for the first time in years, I wore makeup and jewelry.  Amazingly, it made a difference, maybe not so much in how I looked but in how I felt.  I walked a little taller, smiled a little more. 

Yeah, it IS the way of the world, people do define others by their outward appearance … but one’s inward can certainly have an effect on their outward.

2610

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8  
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):       1400  / 25.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  1418 /  23.3
Yesterday’s exercise:  1 hour light swimming + 1 hour DDR
Weight Yesterday:  ???    Today:  260.8
Change today:  -0.2   Loss-so-far: 19.0 lbs.

About, I dunno, fifteen years ago, I read a book called “The Carbohydrate Addict’s Diet” or something like that.  Like Atkins, it talked about hyperinsulinism and how many people in the population have the type of metabolism that produces way too much insulin when processing carbs.  The essence of the diet plan was this:  Eat close to zero carbs all day long and then for the evening meal, for exactly 60 minutes, you can eat whatever you want.  The diet, of course, recommended eating a healthy balanced meal during that 60 minutes and then polishing it off with a lovely dessert.  Me, I pretty much started with dessert.  It didn’t take long and I gave up on that diet because I wasn’t losing any weight.  Gee, I wonder why.

I think I’ve said here in my blog about a bzillion times already — I don’t much care for cooking.  This means that I really like going out to eat because then I’m not doing the cooking (or the cleaning up).  Since I’ve started on this diet, though, I’ve started getting strange looks from certain wait-staff when they hear what I want to order.  Some get that I’m avoiding carbs, others seem totally mystified by my choices (”You want an omelette with ham AND bacon AND cheese — but you don’t want the toast or hash browns??!”).

There’s a restaurant not far from home that is my hubby’s favorite place to eat (definitely more favorite than home, lol) and we’ve gone there pretty regularly for the past 10 years so by now they know us by name.  We always sit in the same booth (unless someone is in it, of course) and we pretty much always ordered the same stuff…. until now.

I took one of their menu choices and changed it up.  When I first started ordering it, I sounded just like Sally in When Harry Met Sally (not the “big-O” part of the movie, I’m talking about the little-o, as in “ordering,” lol!).  Here’s what I’d have to say, to get what I wanted:

I’d like the small Tiffany’s salad, but without the vegetables, and no croutons, just lettuce — and instead of cheddar cheese, I’d like feta — so that’s just lettuce and feta, and of course, the grilled chicken on top — oh, and could you ask the cook to lightly cajun-spice the chicken?  Not fully spiced, just lightly, thanks… And I’d like the Greek dressing on the side — and even though I’m ordering the small, can I have it in the big bowl?  Yes, and no bread with that, please.  Thanks!

The servers there are used to me now and they know about my special Tiffany’s salad.  It’s pretty cool because when I walk in there now, the waitresses are supportive of my diet.  “I can see it!” one exclaimed, “I can tell you’ve lost weight, it’s working!  It’s working!”  it’s like they have a little ownership over that, seeing as they are my suppliers of dietary sustenance (at least two or three times a week).

My son thinks they should add “my” salad to the menu and name it the Eileen Salad.  =D

Re: comments
delitaagain:  Oh my! When I wrote “swimming” I didn’t mean like racing back and forth nonstop! LOL I know that there are people who do that and I’m not one of them. I mean like “light” swimming — think along the lines of dog-paddling, LOL! Oh, and I may have started a month ahead of you but LOOK at your incredible progress in that time!!! You are gonna pass me up very soon, no doubt about it!!

getupnow & goodlife: : Thanks to you both for dropping by - I really appreciate your input and encouragement!!!

2552

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8  
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):      1400  / 25.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  1161 /  21.1
Yesterday’s exercise:  1 hour swimming
Yesterday:  ???  Today:  ???    Out of town - no scale
Change today:  -0.0   Loss-so-far: 18.8 lbs.

It was very cool to get away for the weekend, but then again, it’s always nice when we get home.  I’m looking forward to sleeping in my very own bed tonight - I definitely rest more comfortably at home.

I did pretty good with eating out this weekend, stuck to salads and chicken and had a ham/bacon/cheese omelet for lunch today.  I did snack on almonds and on Friday went a little overboard with them but I was careful with them yesterday and today.  Oh, and I had chocolate, which was a slice of heaven; found these little Lindt 70% cocoa individually-wrapped bars that are only 30 calories each and less than 2g of carbs.  One-a-day is what I’m thinking.  How cool is that?!?

When we were in the store and I discovered these little chocolate bars, my husband was there with me and he found other dark-chocolate bars that were of comparable number of carbs per serving but they were big bars that I’d have to open and break off an acceptable chunk… nuh uh!!!  I don’t trust myself with chocolate!!!  They have to be tiny — and individually wrapped, I told him!!!  These were perfect.

On our way home, we stopped at a couple of thrift stores just to look around (Hubby’s hobby, which I’ve learned to enjoy).  At one of them, I found the Atkin’s book, the one from 1997, I think.  I’ve read so much stuff online about Atkins, I can’t imagine that I’ll see much more in the book but I want to read it anyway.  So far I’m up to Chapter 4 — and Chapters 1 through 3 were all about defending the diet.  Poor Dr. A. took so much criticism from everyone that I guess it’s not surprising that he’d start out on a defensive note.  I hope the whole book isn’t permeated with it, though.

My plan — as of this past July — was to stay on Atkins for as long as it took to lose this weight, and then switch back to calorie-counting so I could have carbs again… but now that I’m away from the refined sugar and flour I don’t think I’ll ever go back again.  I CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIGH-CARB BREAD AND SNACKS.  There are great alternatives out there, yummy food that satisfies without creating a sugar-rush (which happens to screw with my metabolism).  Why, when I’m actually doing it — breaking out and away from my addiction to carbohydrates — why would I go back?

Oh yeah, I was definitely addicted to carbs.  Even while I was on a diet - the calorie-counting diet - my daily food intake consisted of mostly carbs.  Here’s a little snapshot of what I was eating then:

GRAMS                    Fat       Net Carbs     Protein     Calories
March 1, 2008         75           134              81           1567
March 2, 2008         80           156              47           1551
March 3, 2008         59           174              61           1491 
March 4, 2008         90           135              94           1767
March 5, 2008         51           193              64           1447
March 6, 2008         63           203              72           1690

And here are the grams now:

Sept. 11, 2008         85           30               71            1158
Sept. 12, 2008         134         25               85            1706
Sept. 13, 2008         98           21               44            1161
Sept. 14, 2008         110         24               80            1418

What a difference!  I’m eating way more fat now (as I should be on this diet) but interestingly my protein intake has stayed about the same. 

Anyway, I’m glad to be home.

2511

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8
Yesterday:  260.6  Today:  261.0
Change today:  +0.4   Loss-so-far: 18.8 lbs.

I have to get up in 5 1/2 hours because at 8:00 tomorrow morning I have to set up a display booth at a community event, then present a workshop in front of God-knows-how-many-people.  Oh, and I have to be awake for all that.  Funny how that expectation is just built-in. 

Today was a busy day.  I had to pack (okay that took all of about 10 minutes) and then put in an appearance at my office.  I checked my email and then completed an important team-building activity with one of my employees.  Our youngest associate is 18 years old, still in college, and this morning she brought in her x-box DDR pad so we could hook up both of our pads and challenge each other.  OMG that was fun!  She creamed me of course but on one song I actually beat her!  (”You won because the tempo was so slow, I can’t do slow” is what she said.  I don’t care!  I still won!  Heheheh.)

Okay so after that I picked up my rental car and put all my stuff in it - including my husband, he definitely fits under the category of “my stuff,” lol.  I love it when he can come with me on these trips.

We took our time driving to the hotel (107 miles that took us 4 hours), making pit stops for a really late lunch and a little side-trip for shopping.  Once settled into our hotel room, we headed directly for the pool.  It was great, we had it all to ourselves.  Later, we took a nice long walk down the street in this unfamiliar town and stopped for a late dinner at a diner.  People stared at us, I’m not sure why.  One little girl even came over to our table to stare at us close-up.  I said hi and she smiled and shyly waved.  Her mother came over and apologized and led the girl away.  I’m thinking they don’t get too many strangers in this town.  Which is weird considering the local population is almost 40,000.  *Shrug* 

Now hubby is snoring and I am still UP!!!  I need to get my butt to bed.  G’night!

2477

Hit counter web design gallery.

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8
Yesterday:  260.6  Today:  260.6
Change today:  -0.0   Loss-so-far: 19.2 lbs.

May I just say that I love getting comments?!  They  are so much fun to read AND it makes me feel that I’m not so all alone in this whole change-my-entire-life-work-my-ass-off-find-low-carb-things-to-eat diet thing!!

I worry sometimes, though, that if I reply to a comment in the comments area, that the person I’m replying to won’t go back to the comments area and see the replies to their comments (and therefore know that their comment has been not only read but also acknowledged) if my reply is posted in the comments area.  (Did ya get that?  I almost confused myself, typing that.) 

So anyway, I’m thinking maybe I’ll do what I’ve seen some others do and if I have a reply then I’ll just post it in my next day’s post instead of in the comments area.  I think it’s more likely to be noticed there by the person whose comment I’m replying to. 

OMG I’m moving on.  Before I have to whack myself on the back of the head for being such a doofus!  Heheheh.

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with another cramp in my thigh - this time the left thigh.  OHHHHhhh it hurt so BAD!  It lasted about five minutes this time and I woke my hubby up with my yellin’.  He has cramp medication and even though it makes me a little groggy I’m gonna start taking it until I get past the muscle-shock of doing the DDR thing.

It occurred to me that maybe some people don’t know what DDR is.  Well, it could happen!!  I might not have known what it was - I’m old after all - if not for my kids and for the movie “Music and Lyrics,” lol.  So anyway, I went looking for a video of someone playing DDR at home and found this one: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ElxEM2cnKI&feature=related

It’s a mother-and-daughter and I honestly can’t tell which one is which, but the one on the left is playing on “heavy” mode and I think the one on the right is playing on “light,” or maybe “standard,” I don’t know.  In any case, it shows how a person looks when playing the game - umm.. how a thin person looks, anyway.  I don’t look like that at all.  I’m happy to report, however, that I can now do CERTAIN song selections on “light” instead of beginner and have even rated B’s and C’s on that level.  Woohooo! I’m getting better!

Okay, I have a few comments I wanna respond to:

Delita:  The pants I was wearing - they were size 26/28.  I put off buying that size for a long time because I just didn’t want to admit that I really was that big.  Anyway, I was size 22/24 for a long time so I have lots of clothes that size.  But still.. I like the idea of shopping!!

brseay:  Thanks for stopping in!  =D  The cake was a low-carb mix and was way, way too good.  I think I wrote, “I can trust myself,” did I write that?  LOL no I can’t.  I went over my calories and carbs yesterday and it was all the cake’s fault!

xyourbellemortex:  Paula, I watched the “fat kid DDR” video - Holy crap!! It took a LOT of practice for that kid to get that good - he must have eaten massive amounts of food to maintain his weight while exercising that much… either that or he has a metabolic disorder of some kind!

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8
Yesterday:  260.2  Today:  260.6
Change today:  +0.4   Loss-so-far: 19.2 lbs.

I have probably 10 pairs of capri pants that I like to wear to to the office, they are comfortable, not too hot, but not as casual as shorts.  I wore one of these capri pants to work today… and spent all day pulling them up (or keeping them from falling down).  They are, without a doubt, way too big for me now.  WOOOOHOOOO!!!

I’m still doing the DDR thing but my knees and ankles are still swollen.  It’s the jumping.  I haven’t jumped — on purpose — in probably, uh, 15 or 20 years.  Or more.  I can’t say that I much like the jumping, ya know, body parts flap and make noise that just should not.  I just turn the volume up on the TV and keep going.  Hopefully no one will notice.  The only ones around TO notice are my kids anyway, and they’ve likely already noticed my flappy body parts.  Ya think?  =D

Tonight Kevin and I had chicken tacos for dinner (yes, we have them about once a week and I still love them so much!) and we had CAKE for dessert.  One slice (about an inch-and-a-half-square) is a little over 4 carbs.  CAKE!!!  It was delicious.

Did I mention — my pants are too big?  =D

2373

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8
Yesterday:  260.6  Today:  260.2
Change today:  -0.4   Loss-so-far: 19.6 lbs.

Next time I’ll just order with Netrition.com.

I thought maybe it would be cheaper and quicker to go to the low-carb store, the only one in my county.  It’s only about a half-hour drive from home and I won’t have to pay for shipping and handling, right?  This is what I told myself.

Then I spent over $140.  Shopping in person is not a good idea.  Shopping online, things are not quite as “real,” they are not tangible and so I am not so tempted to just say “to hell with it” and throw stuff in my cart.

What did I get for $140?  Now that I look at it, not a whole helluva lot.  I got five Dixie Carb Counters mixes, which, if you’ve ever ordered low-carb online, you might recognize as the “health food that tastes like junk food.”  That’s their tag line, and they aren’t far off.  Their products rock.  (A bit expensive at about 7 or 8 bucks a mix, though.)  In fact, they are so good that I’m going to have to be really careful, having these sweets around… I’m counting calories so I trust myself, but Kevin might indulge a little too much.  I got two cake mixes, two muffin mixes, and a brownie mix.

What else… oh, I got a tiny bottle of stevia.  Not sure yet what I’m gonna use it for but I have seen it in many recipes so I just had to have some… to the tune of $11.99.  Eek.

I got low-carb cinnamon-raisin bread for me (Kevin doesn’t like raisins).  Oh my.  I had a slice for “dessert” tonight and it was really, really good.  Oh, and I also got three different kinds of tortillas/soft tacos/whatever ya wanna call ‘em.  They weren’t as low-carb as the Mama Lupe’s ones at Netrition, though (5 carbs each vs. 3 for ML).

Oh yeah, I also got five (count ‘em five!) different Walden Farms products.  They are all zero-calorie-zero-carb.  I got three dips (chocolate, caramel, and marshmallow), one salad dressing (creamy italian), and one jar of apple butter.  It’s amazing that they can create all those different tastes and still keep them zero/zero.  Of course they are not accurate representations of the real things - but they are different from each other.

Okay, so I went shopping and came home with… junk food.  It’s not the first time that’s ever happened with me pushing the cart.  But at least it was all low-calorie junk food.  All in all, a good day.  =D

P.S. Just for Paula:  Those last six words that you wrote for me gave me such a big smile!  Thanks!!!!  Oh, and by the way… YNB.  Heheh.

2332

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8
Yesterday:  262.2  Today:  260.6
Change today:  -1.6   Loss-so-far: 19.2 lbs.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  I’m down at the BOTTOM of the 260’s and maybe-just-maybe-pretty-soon I’ll be saying goodbye to that particular group of ten FOREVER!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!

Ahem.  Okay, I’m back in control.  Sitting in front of my computer instead of dancing around the room.  =D

Speaking of dancing around the room, it’s all I’ve been doing for the past three days.  Every spare moment I’m out there in front of the DDR, shakin’ my booty and lovin’ it.  OMG I am so addicted to this thing!  So addicted that I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible cramp in my thigh.  In my thigh!  I’ve never had a charley-horse in my thigh before!  I didn’t know how to make it go away… standing up didn’t work.  Walking didn’t work.  I was in agony for about… 2 whole minutes.  And then it went away by itself.  Ugh.

Also, my ankles and knees are swollen.  Which makes me happy actually, because I sustained a weight loss even THOUGH I have exercise-related-swelling.  Which means when the swelling goes down I just might see some more loss on the scale… I hope so!

Oh, I also measured myself today and since I started (back in January), I’ve lost a total of 16 inches!  The most significant changes are 2 inches from my waist and 2 1/2 inches from each thigh!  YEEEEHAWWWWW!!

OMG I’m so celebrating EVERYTHING today!  I can’t help it, I’m just excited and happy - to be making progress, to be up and moving, and to be feeling so damn GOOD! 

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2290

Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8
Yesterday:  263.6  Today:  262.2
Change today:  -1.4   Loss-so-far: 17.6 lbs.

I was reading Sterling’s blog today and god, she is so inspiring!  She is a gifted writer AND she’s managed to lose over 100 lbs, so yeah, she’s now one of my heroes (heroines, I suppose I should say) and definitely one of my role models.  She exercises like 80 minutes each day - which is how she loses like 9 lbs in a week.  She puts it down to “discipline,” which is something that I severely lacked in my life… until last year.

Quitting smoking really changed the person that was me.  My whole adult life I had been a slave to my nicotine/cigarette addiction and it ruled me, ruled every aspect of my existence.  When I finally made the decision that I was going to stop smoking and never, ever smoke again, I put into practice a level of discipline that I never even knew I had.  And the only way I could do that was because I was determined.  Determination drove my discipline.

This year, when I made the decision to finally and forever take off the weight that has been with me since pre-adolescence, I applied that same determination.  I counted my calories, I didn’t cheat, I rode my bike, both inside and outside, and… well, the weight didn’t come off easily.  OMG, I never expected that losing weight would be harder than quitting smoking!  I thought quitting smoking was the hardest thing I’d ever done - I was wrong.  Staying “on the wagon” with food was and continues to be much harder than staying away from cigarettes.  I don’t even think about smoking anymore.  But geez, ya gotta eat.

Switching to carb-counting kick-started a new chapter in my weight loss adventure.  And then today I learned something from Gottaloose4 - she made a great point in her comment to my last blog entry, basically that ya gotta change something up now and again to kickstart the weight loss.  I hadn’t thought of it that way!  It works really well for me, that concept, because I get bored with one thing and so I LIKE change.

Today I celebrated a loss, finally.  I weighed in at a pound less than what I was back on August 19 - that would be 20 days ago.  TWENTY.  The person that I was a couple years ago would have thrown in the towel at such slow progress.   I am not going to waver in my discipline, however…

Because I have DETERMINATION.

2249