Starting weight (7/15/08):  279.8  
Calories/Carbs Goals (limits):       1400  / 25.0
Yesterday’s calories & net carbs:  991 /  21.4
Yesterday’s exercise:  1 hour DDR
Weight Yesterday:  260.8    Today:  261.4
Change today:  +0.6   Loss-so-far: 18.4 lbs.

We have staff meetings at work, usually every second Tuesday.  We always have staff that participates by long-distance because they live in another part of the state so we use technology to hook them in.  So we can see each other by webcam, they can see my computer screen through GoToMeeting, and they can also hear us and each other by conference call. 

At the end of each meeting we all get a chance to tell “what’s going on,” and we can talk about work or home, whatever we wanna share.  The last couple meetings, when it was my turn to tell what’s new with me, a couple of my co-workers interrupted me, saying stuff like, ”Tell ‘em how you’re shrinking!” or like today one said, “Tell how your clothes are falling off at work!”  (The ones that work at the home office with me all saw those capri pants that I was wearing last week, LOL.)

It’s neat that my co-workers/friends know how consumed I am with the weight-loss thing and that they are supportive and encouraging and want to celebrate any success I’ve had.  I like that they are saying they can see a definite difference.  I like it — but I can also see how it could get … um … annoying. 

Here’s the thing, I’m only 20 lbs into this thing.  I still have well over 100 lbs to go!  I’ve barely scratched the surface of the change I want to make and I know that I’m still soooooooo fat.  Obese.  Extremely obese.  It’ll be a long time before I even get to the classification of “overweight.”  At the rate that I’m losing, I will still be on that journey a year from now. 

Twenty-six staff meetings, talking about my weight.  Oh boy am I ever looking forward to that.  *Rolling eyes*

A while back I read a blog (here!) where the person was pissed off because someone said something like, “Wow, you lost weight, you look so great!” which said to them, “Gee you looked crappy before” and then a couple blog entries later she was pissed off because she met up with someone she hadn’t seen in a long while and the person didn’t even acknowledge her OBVIOUS weight loss.  I thought it was amusing at the time because, huh, ya can’t have it both ways… either you want people to notice, or ya don’t.

Yet, here I am.  I want my friends to notice.  I like it.  I just don’t want my weight loss to be the only thing about me, any more than I wanted my obesity to be the only thing about me.  *Sigh*  It’s the way of the world, though - my outward appearance defines me in others’ eyes, whether I want it to or not.

Speaking of which, I was recently reading delitaagain’s blog and had a little personal epiphany about my outward appearance.  Her blog entry asked the question, “Are you portraying the outward appearance of the person you want people to see and perceive you as?”  Well, something like that, LOL, I think I screwed it up.  Anyway, I speak in public for a living and for years I haven’t given much thought to my outward appearance – I guess I was thinking something like, “People are gonna see a fat woman, what’s the difference if they see a fat woman with makeup on?” 

Well, there is a difference.  There’s the difference between someone who walks confidently and someone who doesn’t — and in the same way, there’s a difference between someone who took the time to look their best with makeup and accessories and someone who looks like they threw on their clothes and raced out the door. 

This past Saturday at my speaking engagement, for the first time in years, I wore makeup and jewelry.  Amazingly, it made a difference, maybe not so much in how I looked but in how I felt.  I walked a little taller, smiled a little more. 

Yeah, it IS the way of the world, people do define others by their outward appearance … but one’s inward can certainly have an effect on their outward.

2610