Day #18 - Don’t look down.
Starting weight (7/15/08): 279.8
Yesterday: 268.2 Today: 268.8
Change today: +0.6 Loss-so-far: 11.0 lbs.
I am extremely acrophobic. I can’t even stand on a stepladder. Or a footstool. Or even on skates. My husband is both amazed and amused by this because, with the exception of bugs and snakes, I’m generally not afraid. I face life head-on, I step up and do whatever it takes, I even speak in front of crowds without breaking a sweat. But O.M.G., I am so afraid of falling.
It occurred to me today that regarding this life-make-over that I’ve initiated, that I have a similar fear of falling. And I have so far to fall. The numbers that I’ve been dealing with on a day-to-day basis as I weigh in - they are so freakin’ high! I never imagined that I would weigh this much. Never imagined that so many pounds could just sneak onto my body while I wasn’t looking. It was one thing to be “a little above 200″ (at my height it was still a LOT overweight) but quite another to be pushing 300. THREE HUNDRED.
The thing is, I have to succeed. I have to find whatever it takes to get this weight to come OFF. I HAVE TO. Living with Graves Disease, if I don’t succeed - and if I go back to the way I was living last year - I will die. My weight will soar unchecked until I can no longer move, breathe, live.
I look down at all those pounds I need to lose and sometimes it seems insurmountable. One hundred and twenty pounds. So many! Low-calorie didn’t do it for me. My metabolism is so screwed up that even at 1300-1500 calories a day, I wasn’t losing. Low-carb was going to be my answer! YES! It worked for me before, it will work for me again! But now as I face the third day in a row that I’ve not seen downward progress, I worry. Yes, I worry, that’s all. What if… what if carb-counting doesn’t work for me? What if nothing short of starvation will work for me? I just worry. Like being up on a ladder, I feel unsteady and nervous, my stomach in knots, my heart in my throat.
I just need to … not look down.
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I love your blog name! I know what you mean about seeing those big numbers. What gets me is that my dad is probably thirty pounds lighter than I am. The problem is that he is 6′4″ and I’m only 5′7″. Scary!!
Try not to get discouraged (says the crazy lady about to complete a whole decade of futile dieting!). I haven’t found what works yet but I do know that just worrying about the fact that it isn’t working can cause me to gain 2-3 pounds a week (even if I’m still eating and exercising well). Good luck!