I know I know I know I know I wasn’t supposed to actually weigh-in-weigh-in until next Wednesday but I couldn’t help myself, had to do it, was so excited and could not wait another moment to share my news with the world at large…
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FIVE POUNDS!  OMG FIVE POUNDS OF ME IS GONE!
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I know it’s the first week and ya know it comes off easiest in those first two weeks and maybe some of it is water weight (which I think is bullhockey since I’ve been drinking more water this week than in previous but whatever), I still can’t help but celebrate the fact that when I got on the scales today I saw 280.2 - and when I started this journey a week ago I was at 285.2.  Yeah given how much I need to lose, it’s “only” five pounds but ya know what - it didn’t hurt.  It wasn’t scary.  It wasn’t horrible.  I didn’t starve.  I didn’t complain. 
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It was fun!  Wait - say that again, just a little louder…  IT WAS FUN!  It was fun finding healthy foods that I actually LIKE, it was fun planning meals that fit into my Eating Plan, it was fun trying out different exercise tapes (although that Tae Bo one was, uh, not for me), it was fun logging onto 3FC and reading and posting and looking at the pictures, it was fun using FitDay and tracking my food intake for the day - and it was fun coming here to my blog and unloading all this diet-related gushing so that I don’t bore my friends and family IRL too much with it all.
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So, like, the novelty will wear off, I’m sure.  And it won’t be so much fun because it won’t be so new - but OMG seeing those numbers go DOWN is the MOST FUN!!!!!  I don’t think the novelty will wear off from THAT experience at ALL!
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I have a family thing to go to today and from what I understand, we’re going to be ordering pizza.  That’s fine, I can work around pizza.  I ate a big healthy lunch which was only (drum roll please) 244 calories (!!!!) so I can navigate this event, no problem.  I just need to remember that a single slice of pepperoni is 200 calories by itself, and work from there.
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I can live like this!  More and more I’m seeing that I really, really can. 

I’m sitting here at my computer, experiencing a feeling that I’ve known many, many times in my life, too many times to count.  It’s a vaguely uncomfortable feeling, yet oh-so-pleasurable too.  Usually when I’m experiencing this particular feeling, I have six words to say.  Yep, six.  The same six words every time…
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Oh my God, I’m SOOOO FULL!
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Ha!  I *am* full!  How cool is that?!?  Even cooler is this:  The sensation of being full is EXACTLY the same, whether one eats a greasy burger, fries, and a big chocolate milkshake — or if one eats a healthy lowfat meal like I just did.  Woohooo!!  I ate healthy!  Now there’s a newsworthy change!  :) 
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Okay, so I know this isn’t exactly earthshaking stuff here, but for me, it’s really really different.  I mean when I THINK about it, it is 6:47 pm (my time) and I just finished dinner.  I didn’t mean to, but I skipped breakfast this morning, so my total caloric intake today as of right now is 869.  And I am able to say those six words and MEAN THEM.  Every other “diet” I’ve ever tried has made me feel like I was being punished for my past sins, slowly starving to death to atone for my weak will and my grossly overblown appetite.  Every other diet made me feel BAD.  Bad/hungry and also bad/guilty/depressed/persecuted.  None of those other diets EVER made me feel FULL.  Well, unless I cheated.
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I’m really excited about this, can ya tell?  This morning I went grocery shopping and after I emptied the cart at the cashier, I said, “That was fun!”  The lady that was bagging said, jokingly, “Yeah, I’m sure it was the highlight of your week.”  I said, Yes!  Actually it was!  Both the cashier and the bagger lady looked at me like I was nuts.
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Last night I did some more research and came up with a real grocery list.  Yeah earlier in the week I bought a few things, but I really wanted to surround myself with healthy foods to choose from.  Healthy foods that I like.  Wow, what a freakin’ concept!!  So today I shopped for me.  Only me!  I didn’t buy stuff for the rest of the family, I bought stuff for me.  (Well, except for the toilet paper, we all needed that).
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Now this is not to say that I’m never going to share my healthy food with my husband or children because of course it’s going to be there and they’re going to be around when I cook or prepare meals.  But the purpose of today’s shopping trip was for me and only me, and that in itself made it special.  When I got home from shopping, I did what I said I wanted to do:  I made a big ol’ bowl of salad so I can start each meal with it, and made a big bowl of mixed fresh fruit to use as a healthy snack.  Strawberries, blueberries, oranges, apples, and bananas with a bit of lemon juice - oh my is that delicious!  All for just 50 calories for a half-cup.
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Okay, so tonight - I made smoky broiled chicken breasts (used a liquid smoke marinade, m-m-m), and with a little side helping of stovetop stuffing (which I’ve had a taste for, I don’t know why) and a big ol’ plate of romaine/spinach/broccoli salad with cottage cheese - I AM STUFFED.  Woohooo! 

Back in the fall, one of my co-workers and I had started doing a daily exercise tape together. Most afternoons at about 3:45, we’d pop the tape in and spend 40 minutes bending and reaching and hopping and twisting. Yeah, twisting. I’m a little embarrassed (not sure why) but the exercise tape we both liked was the ancient “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” one with Richard Simmons. The rest of our coworkers found this very amusing, but Millie and I both thought the routine was fun and energizing.
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Anyway, in mid-December she had to go out of town for a family crisis and around the same time I was in a car accident where I injured my knee, so the daily exercising kinda fell by the wayside. My knee is still not fully recovered (and plus I’ve been sick with this stupid cold), so I had not even tried to do the tape – until yesterday.
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Oh. My. God. I’ve done this particular routine probably a thousand times over the years and never, ever found it as difficult as I found it yesterday! My knee bothered me, yes, but that was only part of it. I was stiff and sore and felt like I was glued to the floor or something. Granted, I’m heavier now than I have ever been in my entire life so I’m sure that’s having an effect but geez – it’s only been a month since I did this before and it’s so much harder now? But I got through it. I tell ya though, I was definitely sweatin’!!!
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I’m still having trouble with late-night snacking. I think, “Oh, I’m still under 2,000 for the day so it’s okay if I have this,” or “Hey, at least I’m choosing more carefully.” But I still feel guilty like I’ve failed myself. I need to find a way to NOT feel bad – and NOT feel deprived. I know myself well enough to know that if I start feeling all negative about the “diet” that I’m on, then I won’t stay on that diet.
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Instead, I need to create an eating plan – not a diet – that I can live with. Live with now and forever.  *Sigh.*  It’s still a work in progress.

Oh yeahhhhhh!!  **Doing happy dance**  I lost two pounds!  TWO!  Woohoo, two!
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I can’t ever recall being this happy about losing a measly two pounds before.  Perhaps it has something to do with how EASILY I put on 40 pounds in the past year - most of it within the past six months?  Yeah I opened my FitDay account and my last weigh-in said like 255 (August) and here I am five months later with a start weight of 285 - YIKES!  An average gain of 6 pounds per month - that is so not right! 
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Okay so the doctor was messing around with my meds and sent me from hyperthyroid right into hypothyroid - the metabolism equivalent of snail’s pace for weight loss.  That said, I was certain it was going to be SOOOOOOOO difficult to take weight off since it was so damn easy to put it on.
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This is not going to be difficult.  It’s not going to be horrible.  It’s going to be SOOOO AWESOME!
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I wrote to my sister today and offered her a deal.  I will lose 100 lbs in 2008 if she’ll quit smoking.  I also told her that I intend to lose 100 lbs anyway but geez what a motivation THAT would be, if my sister would quit smoking.  She’s 57 years old and has smoked nonstop for like 40 years.  I doubt she’ll take me up on it but at least maybe I’ll get her thinking.  Maybe.
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TWO POUNDS, TWO POUNDS, TWO POUNDS! 

I am still sick today, horrible cough, congested head and chest.  You’d think being sick would curb one’s appetite, huh?  Not quite.  What is it, starve a fever, feed a cold or is it the other way around?  I can never remember.  In any case usually when I have a fever i don’t feel like eating but when I have a cold I can’t get enough.  I’m in can’t-get-enough-land.
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I started off the day with my raisin bran, which I love.  Then hubby had a physical therapy appointment at 11 so I didn’t do the mid-morning snack thing and then after his therapy he’s always hungry and wants to go out.  We went to Tiffany’s and I ordered what I always order (regardless of the time of day, they always serve breakfast at Tiffany’s!): the “Twofer” special.  Two eggs, two slices of bacon, two sausage patties, and two pancakes.  And then I did what I always do:  I handed over my sausage patties to my husband (I don’t like sausage).  Today, though, I also handed over the bacon to him.  He was surprised but sure didn’t complain! 
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So, with my two eggs and my two pancakes, I had no idea how many calories I was consuming but I figured it can’t be that much, and even if it is, well, I’ll just adjust for the rest of the day.  I went real easy on the maple syrup, thinking that it was probably the most caloric part of the meal.  When I did the FitDay thing later, I was not entirely surprised to find that the entire meal totalled 600 calories and half that (302) was the pancakes.  Still, it wasn’t horrible for eating out.  And I walked away full.
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When we got back from lunch, instead of going to work I took a nap.  I really hate being sick.  I woke up around 4 o’clock and never even thought of food, so I missed the whole afternoon-snack thing, too.  I kept busy until it was going on 6pm and made my dinner. 
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I really like the concept of starting off each “big” meal with salad, I hope I don’t get tired of it.  I’ll try to switch out the kind of salad now and then, I suppose.  I saw a post today where someone said they make a cabbage salad and it made me think of the cole-slaw with vinegar that my mom used to make.  It was yummy and I’m thinking it would work too. 
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Anyway, I cut up a snack-cheese-thing into my salad and that was yummy.  I’ve had this taste for baked potato so I nuked one and cut it in half (saved the other half for another time) and then treated myself with lf margarine and sour cream.  I know that someone commented that the toppings were empty calories that I didn’t need but heck why eat a potato if you don’t top it with something?!?  I had room in my calories for the day so why not.  Next time I want broccoli and cheese on my potato.  In fact, that sounds good.  Maybe tomorrow. 
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So I’m on Day #2 of the Eating Plan, but I haven’t even started the Exercise Plan.  I could say that I’ve been sick so that’s why I haven’t started but would that just be a rationalization?  If I were feeling “normal” for the past two days, would I have gotten my butt moving?  I don’t know.  All I know is that right now I can’t walk to the bathroom and back without coughing up a lung.  So perhaps I’m not just making excuses.
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I bought a new scale a month or so ago and started weighing myself weekly on Wednesdays.  I went up and down two or three pounds in that time but didn’t keep anything off.  Technically I suppose my plan began just two days ago, but I’m going to go ahead and weigh in tomorrow anyway.  I did take a peek at my weight last night and it was still 285 but that was at night and I usually weigh less in the morning and that’s when I weigh in so we’ll see!  I won’t be discouraged though, if there’s no loss to report.  I’m still in “start-off” mode here!  And I’m still very positive and happy - and I’m thrilled with how easy it has been to stay “on plan” for these first two days!!!

I’m not gonna do this every day, write more than one blog entry.  In fact, the novelty will wear off and I’ll probably have to drag myself in here.  But I just felt compelled today, to write this thought down.  Well, this series of thoughts.
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Quitting smoking was the first long-term commitment to “difficult” change that I’ve ever stuck to in my whole life.  I can’t help but draw parallels from this new challenge to the old one because I want whatever “worked” in the old one to inform me and help me to “win” in the new one.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, one of the keys I found while quitting smoking was knowledge. 
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Back when I was a smoker, I never wanted to know much about what I was smoking.  Yeah, we all hear that it’s not good for you, we all hear that it causes cancer… but all the articles about the 2,000 chemicals that are in tobacco and how the industry dusts the leaves with neat stuff like ammonia to help to solidify each smoker’s addiction to the nicotine - well, I’d just skip over those articles.  And if anyone tried to tell me stuff about smoking, I’d brush ‘em off with a “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all.”  I didn’t wanna read it and I sure didn’t wanna hear it.  I knew I was gonna do it anyway, so I did not want to know too much about it.
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Parallel:  When I’m in the “user” phase of my food addiction, I don’t wanna KNOW how many calories I’m consuming. 
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A couple nights ago, we ordered from Jet’s Pizza.  I hadn’t actually started counting any calories yet, but I was just generally trying to be “good.”  So instead of indulging in pizza, I ordered myself an Italian sub.  Actually, I ordered two of them, so that when my husband was enjoying his leftover pizza at a later date, I could enjoy a leftover sub.  This way I could be “good” and avoid that evil pizza.
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Okay, so skip to today.  Today I started actually counting what I was eating.  I had a Fit-Day account (from this past summer) and so I went there and started inputting my food intake.  It was getting close to dinner time, so I started inputting the ingredients for the sub (Jet’s doesn’t list the nutritional values of their subs on their website, only their pizzas).
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That sub, near as I could figure, came to a grand total of almost 900 calories!  Two slices of pepperoni pizza would have been less than half that much!  OMG!
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So here’s what I did:  I took that sandwich apart.  Threw the sub roll away (265 calories) and threw the italian dressing away (125 calories).  I kept the salami, ham, and cheese, even though they added up to a little over 500 calories.  I cut them up into bite-size chunks and added them to a pile of lettuce on a dinner plate.  Added a small scoop of lowfat cottage cheese and I had a yummy filling dinner.
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Parallel:  Knowledge enabled me to make informed decisions about my smoking addiction.  Knowledge will also enable me to make informed decisions about my food addiction.  I *DO* want to know what I’m eating!

I went grocery shopping today.  It was one of those husband-with-me-race-through-the-store-and-get-only-what’s-necessary shopping trips, so I didn’t even bother to bring my new shopping list with me.  I’m thinking I’ll do a nice leisurely grocery shop trip on Friday.  Friday evening.  It’s payday and hubby will be at work.
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I did buy a few things, though.  I got two bags of mixed salad greens and a jar of sunflower seed kernels.  I got low-fat cottage cheese, 100-calorie snack bags of microwave popcorn, and low-fat cheese snacks.  I got potatoes for baking and whole-wheat bread.  And I got grapes and bananas.
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It’s a start!  I have a cold so I slept in this morning until 11 and then didn’t eat anything until after the shopping trip, so here’s my calories so far today:
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Salad - 10.  LF dressing 1/2 tbls. - 25.  Sunflower kernels - 30.  whole-wheat bread - 100.  LF margarine - 50.  I was going to have some grapes and bananas with my lunch but felt satisfied so I’ll save those for snack.  It’s after 2pm and I’ve consumed less than 200 calories today!  I’m not happy about being sick though.  I have a horrible sore throat and cough and I’m all congested and groggy.  It was really fun going out to the grocery store feeling like that but I had no choice.  Hubby needed his lunch foods and hell would surely freeze over if he went and grocery-shopped for himself.
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I think I’m gonna go back to bed.

Okay so I stayed up way too late last night, caught up in the 3FC site with all the stories and pictures, feeling more and more jazzed with every click! OMG these people are doing this! They are the visualization for me of my own future! It was so uplifting and encouraging that I just couldn’t get enough.
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I also came across some really wonderful and practical strategies which is exactly what I’d hoped to find here. Last night when I posted my answers to the profile in the 100-lb-Club thingie, one of the questions was “What is your plan?” At that point in time, I only knew that my plan was “change.” Oh, with a capital c: Change. Okay maybe all caps and bold: CHANGE!
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Now it’s time to start fleshing out just exactly what that word entails.
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A few weeks back I picked up a copy of Dr. Phil’s weight-loss book and read the first few chapters. One thing that I really picked up from him was this: I have, for years, lived a life that has supported weight gain. My daily habits and patterns have been really well-designed for successful weight gain, evidenced by the fact that I have, for years, slowly but successfully gained weight.
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Simple. Obvious. Oh, and very, very true.
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If I want to set up my life, my habits, and my daily routine in support of weight LOSS, then I have to change more than just my eating. I have to change everything that previously supported weight gain.
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I don’t, however, have to change everything TODAY. I think that’s one of the aspects of “dieting” that always put me in a defensive position before. It seemed hopeless to make such a drastic overnight change in myself but even knowing that, I’d run headfirst into what I perceived as evil-miserable-starvation-I’ll-never-enjoy-life-again mode. No wonder I was miserable!
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No, if I’m going to do a whole-life-daily-pattern makeover, I’m going to allow myself some time to slide into it. I’m going to start in one area and then move on from there. First area is shopping. This seems logical because if I’m going to eat healthier I need to shop healthier. My challenges in this area are two biggies: 1.) I hate to cook; and 2.) I’m a picky eater. Yikes, so where does that leave me?
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I don’t believe in coincidence, I think things happen for a reason. Last night I just happened to stumble upon the story of Zelma. Zelma went from 353 lbs to 161 lbs. I so totally identified with her story and then I read how she did it. OMG she ate stuff I liked! And she hated to cook too! Woohoooo!
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So today I wrote down foods from her story and then found a site that posted a list of low-fat foods to have on hand for healthy cooking and eating. I deleted all the stuff that I wouldn’t possibly ever eat (yucky stuff, well, yucky to me, anyway) and came up with a shopping list.
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This shopping list looks way different than what my usual shopping list would look like. Yay! Different is good! 
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Here’s the list so far:
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Water-packed tuna
Canned vegetables: carrots, corn
Canned fruits: peaches, pineapple, pears - in light syrup
tomato sauces (with no added salt)
pinto beans, kidney beans, navy beans, black-eyed peas; rice
Whole wheat spaghetti, penne
pickles
Low-fat, low-sodium canned soups and soup mixes
Herbs, spices and seasonings, low-sodium Worcestershire sauce
Vinegars, mustards, low-fat or fat-free salad dressings and mayonnaise
Whole grain breads, rolls and bagels; whole wheat flour; oatmeal
Dried cranberries, raisins
Almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts, peanuts, pecans; sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, peanut butter
Honey, molasses, maple syrup
Pretzels, low-fat microwave popcorn, whole grain crackers; sugar-free/fat-free pudding and jello, applesauce
Low-fat milk, low-fat cheese/processed cheese
Fresh veggies: carrots, celery, broccoli
Fresh fruits: apples, bananas, peaches, oranges, grapefruits, grapes, pineapple
lettuce, cabbage, spinach
Chicken breast (boneless/skinless)
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The thing I’ve noticed about my list so far is this: very few entree foods. I don’t like fish or any kind of seafood except for canned tuna. I don’t like pork much, unless it’s steeped in sweet barbeque sauce. I really don’t care for turkey unless it’s smoked.
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But it’s a start.  Today is just the beginning!

Hit counter web design gallery.

I posted this profile in the 100-lb club area, but it seemed like a good start for here, too.

First name: Eileen - and I’m happy to be here.
Geographical location: Florida ~ Tampa Bay Area
Age: 46 (Yikes! How did that happen?!)
Marital Status: Very happily married to my best buddy, Michael.
Children/Ages: Eric, 19 / Paige, 17 / Kevin, 15
Occupation: Director of a Nonprofit
Pets: Two cats; a hyperactive 9-month old female named April and a 20-lb crabby male named Friday. Yes, we apparently have a fixation on the calendar when it comes to naming our pets.
Hobbies/Interests: Reading, Writing, Bicycle-Riding. Oh, and I LOVE COLOR, can ya tell? Oh, and if I didn’t mention it before, I’m happy to be here!
Height: Sixty-one inches, otherwise known as five-foot-one.
Eye/Hair Color: Blue / Brownish-Auburn
Starting Date of Weightloss Journey: January 3, 2008
Starting Weight: 285
Present Weight: 285
Goal Weight: 150
Biggest hurdle to overcome in weightloss: Late night snacking! I know I just need to reset my body-clock not to expect carbs at that time of day but it’s so totally my weakness! BUT… weakness, schmeakness!! I’m stronger than a silly crave - I proved that when I quit smoking! (wooooohooo!)
Following any specific plan: To change my whole life - again. (After smoking for 30 years - my entire adult life - everything changed when I quit. That’s exactly what I need to do now.) My plan is to change my eating times, my eating portions, my eating choices, my eating locations, my cooking, my shopping, my outlook, my attitude, my mindset. Reinventing all of it! How much fun is that?!?
What is different this time in your weight loss efforts than in the past: Definitely my positive state of thinking. I CAN DO THIS. It’s not going to be horrible. It’s not going to be overwhelming. I’m not going to be miserable because I’m missing out on something wonderful. Instead I’m going to be happy - joyous even - because I have control. I am no longer going to be a slave to my eating habits. Once and for all, I am going to be free!
Anything else you would like to share with us: Did I mention that I’m really happy to be here?
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