Friendly Thighs and Other Enemies

SW: 196

CW: 175

GW: 112

This isn’t going to be a very long post, as I was a bit on the passive side as far as healthy living goes today. But there were no major traumas, I was just tired and stressed from school. Anyway, I’ve realized that one of my main problems is that I set goals for myself, goals with specific numbers and specific dates, and when I don’t read them, I panic and backtrack. So I’m going to have to work on not doing that, not telling myself that 5 or 7 lbs in a week could be normal for someone like me. I’m not going to starve myself to lose weight, nor am I going to sit by and wait for someone to make me eat healthier. I am doing a good job so far (not to toot my own horn or anything) and just need to keep on going. Ugh, well these two days weren’t so good, but I’ve got a lot of motivation and some wonderful people to support me in the 3FC world. Sure, my friends and people I’m around on a daily basis might not get it, but I’ll just need to be frank with them and tell them that I am trying to do something positive for myself, and if they can’t understand or support that, then what kind of friend are they? 

No more excuses, a two day holiday was long enough. Now back to the gym and back to my good old calorie counting ways. And no weighing until Monday (even though Sunday is my usual day). I can do this, I just have to get back in the saddle again. Besides, I feel so absolutely disgusting after two days of slightly bad decisions, I can’t imagine feeling like this for another minute without wanted to crawl into bed! I have an early morning Zumba tomorrow and then maybe belly-dancing in the evening? We’ll see!

Lots of love,

Effie

SW: 196

CW: 175

GW: 112

I may or may not have weighed myself this morning, just to see if I was back to my Thursday weight, and I was! This puts me officially 1lb away from my first goal, which is 174 and therefore a BMI of 29.9 (aka I’d officially be in overweight land). You know, I never thought I’d feel excited about being overweight, but I guess I was wrong. 

Feeling a little blue today, I have a lot of work and I’m just not doing it. I want it to be Thanksgiving already, but then I don’t because I have a few more pounds I’d like to lose by then. Humph. And my area of the room is crazy messy, I really need to clean, but alas, I am just not in the mood. I think it may be because my calories ended up being way under today. I don’t know why/how that happened, but it did. I’ll have to keep better track tomorrow so that this doesn’t happen and I’m not stranded in my dorm with no food and no energy. Boo. 

Went to the gym ready to conquer the world, and boy was I in for a surprise. I got there a little later than planned so all the treadmills were taken, so instead I rowed for 15 minutes. Then it came time for Dance Aerobics, which totally whooped my ass! I am ashamed to say that I was so tired half way through that I left. It was kind of embarrassing, and wasn’t helped by the fact that about a millisecond after I walked out, they moved to ab work and things on the floor which would have been much more doable. I did 10 minutes on the treadmill afterwards but was so exhausted that I couldn’t make myself do anymore. Regardless, that plus the 4 miles I walked around campus today is a pretty decent day of exercise, I think. It will be hard to go back on Thursday, I know it, but I’m going to have to. Boo. 

And because I know I won’t want to go to Step&Sculpt at the crack of dawn tomorrow, I’m sleeping in my sports bra and gym leggings. All I will have to do is change shirts and pull on socks, shoes, shorts, and a jacket. Doable, I think.

Alright, I’m about to pass out, and am kind of eh with my day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Lots of love,

Effie

SW: 196
CW: 177
GW: 112

• I weighed myself on Thursday morning and was 175! But I gained two pounds this weekend. Damn. Of course, the last weigh in was from when I was sick and hadn’t eaten all day, so I probably shouldn’t have taken it seriously. However, this one could be because I ate a pretty big dinner tonight, I might be lower tomorrow, I hope, anyway. I did pretty well all weekend, but I didn’t really get to exercise at all. Boo, I really wanted to get out of the 170s as soon as possible (healthily, of course).
• Seeing my Dad was great! However, I didn’t get too much work done, which was a bit of a bummer, but I can do it tonight and I should be fine. 
• There was no comment about my weight loss, despite the fact that I’ve lost about 20lbs since I’ve last seen him, but I don’t mind. I won’t see him again for another month, so hopefully there will be a better change by then.
• I’ve decided that my next goal, and the number I will be really happy to see gone is 167. The summer before my senior year I was 167 when I started plotting one diet or another, and I don’t know why but that number has been stuck in my mind. Once I get past it I think I will stop seeing myself as the same old ’stretch mark filled with cellulite’ that I have been lately. Or I will at least feel like I’ve really accomplished something, because I will be back to my junior year weight, and therefore back into my junior year clothes (Marc Jacobs Sweet 16 dress here I come!!!!!!).
• I have been tired ALL THE TIME, no matter how much sleep I get, I’m still exhausted, I’m guessing it is just me being stressed about scheduling for next semester, but I’ve got a few days and I nice long talk with my advisor coming up. I am pretty sure I know what I want to take, but it involves not continuing something and I feel like a failure in that respect.
• I went to church for the first time in a long time today. It was nice, even if I went to the French service (I speak French but I don’t know all the prayers in French so there was a lot of mumbling the English under my breath). I feel bad that I don’t go to church on campus, maybe I should start doing that??
• I started watching the Biggest Loser. I’m only on episode 3, but I have to say that Tracey is insane, but I love Coach Mo! And every time they show Abby’s story, I weep like a baby. They are pretty amazing, but I don’t think my body could take it if I lost 20lbs in a week!
• Ok, all for now, below is my workout schedule for the week, it is going to be more intense than last week’s because I want to get out of the 170s!!

SW: 196

CW: 178

GW: 112

Yep, I’m down 3 pounds from Sunday’s weigh in. Is that normal? I’m not complaining, but I don’t want to be driving myself into some kind of a starvation-mode thing and only end up burning muscle instead of fat. It would have been nice to not have to get back down to 178 again, but do to my slight naughtiness over the weekend, it was only expected that I gain a little. But now it is gone, so there!

I’m sick! I woke up feeling abysmal and am now in bed, which is where I have been all day. I did not go to class, and I feel a bit guilty about that, and I haven’t even done the work I was supposed to do. But I have the rest of the day, and after such a long sleep, I should be fine. Sadly, being sick for me means that I either crave the worst foods on earth or I can’t stomach anything (even if I have a cold). I’ve been unable to think about food all day, and have resigned myself to tea and water, and hopefully some bland chicken later. There were no appointments available at the health center today, so I’m stuck going tomorrow morning which means I can’t have my morning workout, and as I’m sick today, I highly doubt my roommates will let me out of the dorm if I so much as mention the word ‘gym’. Boo! And if I’m still sick tomorrow, then I’ll be sick when my dad is here. Lame, lame, lame, lame, lame. 

On the bright side

• I lost three pounds!
• I get to see my dad tomorrow (regardless of my being sick or not)
• I’m 4 pounds away from my first goal BMI (29.9)
• I got lots and lots of sleep

SW: 196

CW: 181

GW: 112

Today, after completing my usual hour on the treadmill, I decided to look at the class schedule for the gym. I’m not going to lie, walking is getting a bit boring and I feel like it won’t keep my interest for that much longer. All I wanted to do was find a class or two to take in the coming days and replace my treadmill with yoga or something. Well, apparently I stood by the window of the aerobics studio just a little bit too long because the instructor of the class that was about to start motioned me in. And I was trapped. I had never heard of Zumba, she said it was Latin dance. I took flamenco classes for a while in high school, but boy was this different. And bizarrely fun, despite the fact that I was so sweaty and gross by the end that I kind of thought I would just slide all the way home. 

I spent two hours in the gym today! I’m not as tired as I thought I would be, which is surprising, but in a good way. There is another class on Thursday mornings, maybe I’ll start going to that as well. Of course, those two gym hours could have been spent doing homework, but bah humbug to homework. Now I’m worried that I’ll be bored on the treadmill tomorrow, though. What to do, what to do. On the bright side, only two days till I’m in the city with my dad. This weekend should be really nice. Maybe I’ll get some shopping in and see if any of my sizes have changed!

Food wise, today was pretty decent, I didn’t get in as many calories as I would have liked, which is a bummer (surprisingly), especially after I had such a crazy workout. I just haven’t been able to stomach a lot of foods recently. They don’t seem as appealing. In fact, the one thing I’m really craving is protein. 

Effie’s Good Jobs of The Day

1. Had fruit salad with dinner, hooray for vitamin C!!!
2. Said no when my friend offered me French fries
3. Didn’t eat chocolate chip pancakes with the roomies
4. Turned down chocolate chex mix

Lots of love,

Effie

SW: 196

CW: 181

GW: 112

We’re reading the Inferno in my English class, which got me to thinking about sins. Well, actually, this morning, I was thinking about why I wanted to lose weight. And sadly, being healthy was not the first thing that popped into my mind. In fact, it is one of those stragglers at the end, that I almost forget about until I realize that I need to give people a better answer than “I WANT TO BE PRETTY!!!!!”

So with that song, ‘You’re So Vain’ playing in my mind, here are my 7 Deadly Sins of Dieting

VANITY: This is the basis of my entire little experiment, my weight loss, my desire to lose the weight, what keeps me going to the gym, is all vanity based. I want to feel pretty, I want people to think I look good. I don’t want to be the ‘funny one’ or the ‘funny fat one’ and if one more person says ‘you have such a pretty face’ I will slap them. So sue me for wanting to look good. I’m young, and I’m working for it, don’t I deserve it?

SOLTH: I am, not going to lie, a lazy person. Why do something now when I could do it later? Why go to the gym when I bed is so warm and cozy? Well, this morning I let myself fall into that trap. I didn’t get up and go to the gym before class, and while it wasn’t earth shatteringly annoying to go later, I would have rather had it over with. 

LUST: Can I consider being lusted after a goal? Also, and this is kind of really embarrassing and I can’t believe I’m writing this, I haven’t seen any of my High School since August (some not since we graduated in May), and when I go home for Christmas, I want to wow them. Not just all of them, but a few particular thems, and well…. ok, I know. It is stupid, but well if it motivates me, right?

GLUTTONY: Every dieters downfall, or at least, I’d like to think it is so I don’t feel so lonely in this. I’m a binger and a faster by nature, one extreme or the other. And this weekend past weekend was not a good weekend for me. In fact, it kind of sucked, gluttony wise, I ate too much, and most of it was terrible for me. Bad Effie!

ENVY: I am envious of my skinny friends, of skinny people in general, of people who can wear whatever they want and not have to worry about spanx or looking fat, or getting their picture taken. I am envious of the people at the gym who run for the same amount of time that I walk, and they don’t even seem to break a sweat. Boo. 

PRIDE: Here is a happier one, I am very proud of the 460 calories I burned at the gym today, and of the fact that I didn’t decrease the incline on my treadmill at all, not even once. I let the program do what it would, and just kept walking.

WRATH: Exercise is a good way to work out anger. I pound on the heads of people I don’t like with every step I take, I can vent frustrations on the rowing machine, or walk away any sort of moodiness. But, on the flip side, I can be angry at myself for having to do it in the first place, for letting myself get this mess, for not taking control of my habits before they got so out of hand.

But at the end of the day, sins or not, I’m doing something positive, and I hardly doubt I’m going to be condemned to the frozen floor of hell for exercising, and if I am, well then I better look pretty damn good while there!

As for today’s progress: Spent an hour in the gym after class, nothing else too exciting to report. Off to go study for my Russian test.

Lots of love,

Effie

EDIT: I’ve just looked up my official numbers

Current BMI: 31.1 (obese)

Overweight BMI: 29.9 (174lbs)

Normal BMI: 24.9 (145lbs)

Goal BMI: 19.2 (112lbs)

SW: 196

CW: 182 (merde and a half)

GW: 112

Well. This is only a tad bit suckish. I had this image of me being 176 lbs when I get to see my Dad for the first time in months Thursday night. As of now, it looks a bit shaky. But I’m still down about 14 lbs since the last time I saw him, and I look slender-er, which is a plus, I think. But enough griping. This wasn’t the point of this post (which is my second of the day. I hope I don’t become one of those blog obsessed crazies who loses their social life and becomes attached to their computers). 

So, because I am obsessed with Glee, I religiously check their i-tunes page so that I can pounce on any new songs. Well, they have three versions of Defying Gravity (and I may or may not have downloaded all of them). And as I was listening to them, I realized how these lyrics totally apply to my situation. I never went through a Wicked phase, and therefore I like to pretend like I’m the first person to use the song as motivation. 

Something has changed within me 
Something is not the same 
I’m through with playing by the rules 
Of someone else’s game 
Too late for second-guessing 
Too late to go back to sleep 
It’s time to trust my instincts 
Close my eyes: and leap! 

It’s time to try 
Defying gravity 
I think I’ll try 
Defying gravity 
And you can’t pull me down! 

I’m through accepting limits 
”cause someone says they’re so 
Some things I cannot change 
But till I try, I’ll never know! 
Too long I’ve been afraid of 
Losing love I guess I’ve lost 
Well, if that’s love 
It comes at much too high a cost! 
I’d sooner buy 
Defying gravity 
Kiss me goodbye 
I’m defying gravity 
And you can’t pull me down.

Isn’t that nice in a hokey kind of way. Well, I’m off to defy gravity. And also, finish my Russian homework. And those kinds of things. Also, I’m in a particularly good mood because I spent all morning cleaning the kitchen in my dorm and then a lot of the other people in it wrote me this really sweet note and left it on the table. I’m going to tape it to my wall tomorrow, I think.

Lots of love,

Effie

SW: 196

CW: 181 (I think)

GW: 112

Oh why, oh why, oh why, do I have the will power of an undercooked pea? Every time I start to do good, start seeing real results, the evil chef hand of doom comes and snatches me up and out of my warm pot of boiling water (long before I’m done) and thrusts me into some kind of an food orgy? I’ll tell you why, because I am a baby when it comes to making decisions. Did I need to eat chili and cookies with my dorm last night? Nope. Did I? Yep. Did I need to gorge myself on Friday when I roommate and I went into town (which makes it sound like we go to Little House on the Prairie University), not at all. Did I? You bet your goddamned bottom dollar I did. Did we need to order pizza and garlic bread that night? Definitely not. And if you are keeping up with the theme of things, we definitely did. So, in short, my ‘week of starting the path to a new me’ has been kind of suckish. And so, like I do at least once a month, it is time for

EFFIE’S MAGICAL RESTART BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!

And I begin again. Just like the last 7 million (roughly) times, except this time, I’m going to make it work. Why? Because I have a plan, and a blog, and hopefully at least one person who will read it and be like a little bird on my shoulder reminding me that cookies are not the way to get what I want (aka to be fabulously fit and healthy). So what is this plan? I’ll tell you.

1. NO MORE ALCOHOL. Well, not only is it technically illegal for me to be drinking it. It is also super high in calories. And yes, this will probably make me the official wet-blanket of the universe. But I have other things I can do, like read, do my homework, cry about my lack of a social life. Go to the gym?
2. Be sensible with food. I’m the kind of person who regards dieting in very much an ‘all or nothing’ kind of way. Either I’m eating practically nothing, or I’m bingeing until I think my stomach is going to pop. Neither is particularly healthy. So I’m going to try to stick to about 1200 calories a day, which will be a lot more difficult that it sounds.
3. Go to the gym. It is a bit of a hike, not going to lie, and what with it starting to get a bit Antarctic outside, the last thing I want to do is go walk a mile in the freezing weather, to go sweat for an hour, and then have to walk back and have those lovely little frozen sweat icicles hanging from the tip of my nose. But I need to go anyway, because I want to get heathy, and that is what healthy people do. Besides, once I’m there, it isn’t all that bad.
4. Actually stick to the once-weekly weighing plan. I have this habit of pretending like I’m not weighing myself (in other words, getting on the scale and peering at it though one half-open eye, and then sobbing for a while because I’ve gained weight), and then totally beating myself up about it. Well, I said I was going to weigh myself on Sunday nights and that is what I am going to do from now on. So tonight, I’ll have an official number to go by.
5. Make a plan for the week and keep to it. That’s easy enough. No matter how nice my bed is, being thin will always be nicer.