I know i can, i know i can…

I’m going to John’s graduation this morning. wearing heels, black gouchoes, and a beautiful top.

I feel quite large.

But good news…
I GET TO GO BACK TO THE GYM!!!

yayness.. Mom gave me the money to go pay it this morning.

So happy, but i g2g. Loves to all.

If anyone on here does know what a Godmother is, let me tell you. A Godparent is one step away from being a parent. They are the people/person who the parents have decided will take care of the child in the case of the parents death. I believe it is a Catholic tradition or title, but my family is Baptist, and my Godmother is sick.

My Godmother is also family.. She is my mom’s cousin and she is a very wonderful person. She had cancer when she was a teenager and had her bladder removed in her 20’s, she’s had over 200 surgeries (most were experimental) because of how sickly she is. But she is a strong woman. Her dream was to become a nurse, and when she was 36 she acheaved that dream.

She is in the hospital again, for something she has not been in before with. She has acute renal failure, which means her kidneys are shutting down. She is only producing 1/3 of the urine she is supposed to be, which means that 2/3 of the toxins that are supposed to be out of here body are still in her blood.

I dont know how bad this is, but i do know the steps. If they can not cure it, she will go on dialisis and she will need a kidney transplant. I do not know if she will be allowed to get a kidney from the national transplant list because of her lifetime of illness. But i do know that she has quite a few family members that are willing to donate theirs to her.

So i’m stressing out. I love my Godmother (her name is T’sa). bye.

I woke up this morning and walked to the fridge where i noticed a picture that was taken about a month ago when my mom, two sisters, and i went to see finding nemo on ice.  My mom wanted a picture of all of us with the big fake nemo.  I am at least twice the size of my older sister.  =( 

So what do i do when i start feeling bad about it.. I go get a large box of assorted chocolates and start eating them..  Where is the logic in that?

I”m just feeling very depressed because my family’s gym membership is on sespention for lack of payment (which is my fault, if i hadnt gotten in the wreck we would have a lot more money), so i cant go to the gym and i cant seem to motavate myself to do much cardio outside of the gym.  I went on a walk/jog yesterday, i was trying to do the Couch to 5K program thing, but i couldnt jog that long, which is weard cause i can job twice that length of time on a treadmill.  =/

I have not had any healthy foods in the house to eat, so i havnt been eating too healthy.  But i am looking for a job, so i can buy healthy foods and help pay the gym fees and what nots.  So wish me luck ladies. 

And i need some encouragement.  So please comment.  =(  Much love.

idk why but i am feeling really nasious this morning.

3 finals today at school.

update later.

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I’m at school now, just took my math finale and turned in my composition finale.  I have an hour before i have to go take my speech finale, and then i’m going to take a makeup test for math.  ^^

I’m feeling a lot better, i think i felt so bad because i had cookies last night. I had 4, which by compairison isnt that many, but i’m just not used to having so much junk food late at night anymore.  (Which is a good thing.)  So i’m labeling the sickness this morning as a food hangover. 

I did not end up going on a job yesterday, but i am planning on going today.  My mom cant join me though because she has hurt her knee very badly.  =(  So i will do it alone.

Still trying to break in those shoes that i’m gonna wear to John’s graduation and his compony “end of the year” dinner.  I think they are twisting my ankles a little though, cause i have very weak ankles and they’ve been hurting.  I am not used to wearing heels.  but i will take a  picture on those two days and post. 

I’m feeling very sluggish and blah and fat right now, because i’m not able to go to the gym.  I’m not very successful at working out on my own at my house.. I tried that workout dvd, but had to turn it off and do it alone because they were going to fast for me, but i did do some strength training yesterday.  I did quite a bit on arms and some on legs.

I am really borred, but i’ll let you all get back to your lives..  tata.

I dont care if i cant go to the gym or if carbs sound good all day long.. I’m not going to do another repeat of yesterday.  No working out, all carbs and surgar.  I feel bloated and gross today.

I just did some strength training in my room.  My sister bought me some weights for christmas, so i used those and did some arm and leg workouts. 

I’m going on a walk/jog in a little bit. 

Had eggs, ham, and grits for breakfast.  Small portions of each and didnt finish it all because i didnt need to.  ^^

I’ll post more later.  Have a great day.

So i finished my research paper today and did my final for anatomy physiology.  Tomorrow i am going for a walk with one of my (now former) classmates.

I dont really have much to say today..  Havn’t worked out yet, not planning to today.  Had carbs for breakfast, carbs for lunch, dont know what i’m doing for dinner.  I’m just not making many good choices today, but i can have one day off.  I’ll start back up again tomorrow.

I have to go to unemployment next week.  Try to find a job.

I got a new outfit yesterday for my fiance’s graduation and for his company dinner on the 29th.  I’ve tried it on once and dont like the way my tummy looks, but i have a pair of tights that go with it, idk if it will look better when i’m in the tights.  I’ll try it on tomorrow to check.

Got a cute pair of heeled boots, prob 3″ heels.  I’m not used to wearing heels and they are new, so i’ve been trying to break them in.  Not having fun with it though cause they hurt to walk in.

Tomorrow morning (sence i dont have anything to do) i’m going to do my flirty girl strength training dvd, and then in the afternoon i’m going on an intervals walk/jog with my friend S.

Loves… bekah

My mom is behind on payments at the gym, so i cant go back untill she pays.  She has untill December 23.  It my fault she is behind payments.. she has been paying for my school sence i am unemployed.  I’m going to the unemployment office on Monday or Tuesday to see if they can help me.

Untill i can get back to the gym i’m gonna use the “flirty girl” workout collection (minus the pole, i cant set that u in my room).

I’m out of the 180’s!!!  I am not around 179lbs.  I cant know for sure exactly what i weigh because i normally use the scale at the gym, and the one at my house shows me that i’m five lbs lighter.  So i just added 5lbs to what it told me.

^^

Yay!!  i’m so glad i’m out of the 180’s.  And i’m not on the 4th notch on my belt.  When i got it 2 weeks ago i was on the second notch.  lol.  It’s a great triumph for me.

Well, i have to go do my research paper.  bye.

Ohk….

My Dr put me on a diet pill because my family is prone to diabetes once a person reaches 200lbs and i was 190lbs.  He put me on a level 4 amphetamine.  It’s a controlled substance with the main side effects being heart related, so i have to have my prescription redone every month after i get a heart exam.

I’m on the end of week three of the pill.

Uses - Wakes me up, gives me energy.  Makes it so i am not as hungry.  Boosts my metabolism.

Side effects - The first few days i felt very tingley after taking the pill.  That subsided.  But i still normally crash around 5 or 6 everyday..i get really sleepy and start getting hungry.

I’ve lost 7 lbs so far.   ^^

Mesurements:

arm - 13″

chest - 40″

bust - 33″

waist - 35″

hips - 41″

butt - 43″

thigh - 25″

That’s the first time i have mesured myself.. so i will post it on my progress page and mesure every month.

Went to the gym today.. did 3 miles.  Thought about doing the Couch to 5K (C25K) thing.. but i was having a hard time running that long and in that cadence.

Going to help my Papa move some of his stuff over to his new apartment.  Tata.

So I had an awsome day at the gym today.  I went  in at 8:15ish am for a “Body Sculpting” class at 8:30.  It was so hard.  ^^  Which i loved!  I am not in the best shape for it.  So I had to pause a few times while the rest of the class was still going.. but I still did the best that I could.

After that I did 25 minutes of cardio, 2 miles.

I hope I will be sore tomorrow.  If I am sore, I’ll know that I really did do a good job.  ^^

Also, I snuck a weight in today.. I was a lil over 181lbs..  That means I’ve lost 7lbs in 2 1/2 weeks.  Yay!!!

I had 4 brownies yesterday.  Havnt gone to the gym in 2 days and started my TOM for the first time in five months.

I’m not in the best mood right now.

Going to try to go to the gym tomorrow.

tata.