I know i can, i know i can…

I tend to make the worst decisions regarding food right when i wake up in the morning and right before bed.  Durring the day i make normal choices about food, but when im sleepy i go for the fatty, chocolatey stuff even if i dont want it.

So my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS (polyscistic ovarian syndrom) which may tell why i gained so much weight and which is why i have such a hard time losing weight.    And if i dont seriously lose the weight i wont be able to have kids.  

So one last time i am going to try the blogging thing.

I am going to go to the gym tonight, will post afterwards.

OHk.. so every time i stop posting on here i end up gaining weight.  So i’m going to go with it and keep posting.

I start back on my diet stuff tomorrow.  I got the hoodia 7 day cleanse thing.  I’ll start it tomorrow and post how it goes.

So i got myself a little took for christmas that is going to help me with my weight loss goals and keeping me on track.  I got an iPhone.   And everytime i get on in i will see at least 6 APPS that have to do with exercising, eating right, and being healthy.. so i can no longer “forget.”

I cant ignore the calories in fast food anymore either, because i got an app for that too.  lol.  I’m very happy about it.

And i am Sooooo happy that it also means that i now have a new mp3 player.  I’ve been needing one.  So i will be going to the gym tomorrow.

~~~~~~~ Now on to more important stuff. ~~~~~~~~~

I have not been able to tell lately if I have been full or hungry.  I don’t know why.  And I do believe that most of the time that i thought that maybe I am hungry, I have actually been more full and eating for no reason.

But I am not sure why this is happening.   Like right now, I kind of feel hungry, but I do believe if i start eating I will feel bloated and nauseous.

Tomorrow I am going to go get celery and crunchy (no sugar added) peanut butter to snack on when I’m feeling like this.  Lately I have been going to chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, and dressing to fill the ‘hunger.’

Have not exercised today.  I thought about going, but I was really dizzy.  I ran short on my medicine, which when I don’t take makes me very light headed, dizzy, and off balance.  So my fiance is going to get me a refill tomorrow if the pharmacy is open, which i do believe they are, so I will be able to start going back to the gym.

I am also going to start sticking to a 1,200 calorie diet with exercise.   But I do have a question about that.  Does that mean I can eat 1,200 calories and then add exercise on top of that so that I am only getting like.. 800 calories for my basic bodily functions (metabolism); or does that mean that if i exercise 400 calories worth on the elliptical, i can eat 1,600 calories worth of food?  Please let me know.   To play it safe I am going to go with the former.

Have a great day ladies and gentlemen.

Today i had Mexican for dinner.  Did low carb and didnt have many tortilla chips and no wraps for my fajitas.  I just ate the cut up chicken with veggies on top.  It was very good.

I had chocolate frozen yogert for dessert.

Tomorrow we are making and decorating cookies.   I dont know what is planned for real food.    Going to go low carb for breakfast.  Eggs.

I did 30 min and 3 miles on the elliptical at the gym today.    Going to do more tomorrow.   I need to get back on track… esp with food.

So i tried on my “motivation” pants, and i was able to pull them all the way up this time!!!  I couldnt button them.  I prob have 10 lbs and/or 2 inches to go till they will actually fit.  But it feels good to know that before i couldnt even pull them over my thighs.  ^^  That’s really motivating to keep on track.

I had wanted to wear the new jeans to my baby’s company dinner on the 29th, and i probably could have if i had not gotten off track the past week.  My new goal is to get into them by my 19th birthday January 17th.  I think that is doable.. If not by then than defiantly by Valentines day.

^^

I’m getting back on track RIGHT NOW.   I have not eaten right today, but right now i am fixing that and am about to go to the gym.

Now, i’m going to go to yallz blogs to help motivate myself.

I’ve been craving chocolate all week long.  And i’ve been eating it.

Pissed off about one of my grades at school.   Maybe that’s why i’ve been eating so bad?  I’ve been stressing myself out about a ton of things, most of which i do not have any control over.

I tried to work out today… did a home dvd, but i got so dizzy and lightheaded i had to stop.  I need a refill on my meds so i dont get dizzy again.

Having kids.  The healthier you are when you are pregnant the more likely your child will be healthy.

Yup.. sorry for my rant earlier.

Is that really true?   I dont know what feeling thin feels like but i do know that chocolate tastes pretty darn good.  So does pizza and rolls and all that junk.

So what is supposed to motivate me to stop eating the delicious junk foods that i’m used to and change my diet to other foods that are supposed to taste good, but dont satisfy my mind’s idea of what is good as much?  I dont know.

I mean, i want to be thin and sexy.  I want to (occasionally) be flirted with.  But what is a good way to motivate myself.   What can keep me on the right track: eating right and exercising.

I know that a long life is one of the benifits, but what if i dont care if i live long enough to need to be in dipers again???

And no matter how much you exercise.. when you get older your metabolism slows down and you get fat.

So seriously.. what is the point???

I totally went on a chocolate binge today, recognized what i was doing, and kept binging.    My excuse was that i was emotional eating.. but that’s no excuse.  Went out and got some spinnach for tomorrow.  And got some dark, dark chocolate for whenever i get in a chocolate mood.

I’m planning for the gym tomorrow.  Not just planning, i AM GOING to the gym tomorrow.  Then i might go see “Avatar” with my baby.. it looks so good.

So i got my grades back from my first semester in college.  I got 2 A’s, a C, and an F.  The funny thing is the F is in a class i did good on.. i’m thinking that the teacher just hasnt put the grade in.  I emailed her, and if she doesnt reply i looked up her info on whitepages.  (she has a very abnormal last name.)   I’m not going to have my gpa ruined by a lazy teacher.  =/

I am so going to have a food hangover tomorrow.   Talk to you then.

I went to the gym this morning and worked a lil too hard.. hard enough to get sick.  So i came home and layed down.  I layed down untill 2pm and now i’m on a chocolate binge.   May try to go back to the gym tonight, but i dont  know.

I”m supposed to be doing a girls night with my mom, sisters, and one of my mom’s best friends.  But i dont know if i’m going to go because i’ve been so sick.

I just realized that the gym closes at 7, its five.  I prob wont be able to work out.  I’ll go back tomorrow and do cardio.