dysfunctionalbarbie on Jan 18th 2012 11:00 am
I’m a 26 year old female living in Canada, I have many hopes and dreams and determination to start scratching things off my bucket list. I never was a small framed girl I’d say I was alway medium. I didn’t start gaining weight until I was about 21, quickly going from 140 up to 155 pounds my first year out of highschool and in college. (I guess that’s mostly when girls start to gain their weight.) In my second year of college I started to lose weight because I was in love with Carmen Electra video’s and jogging, and since I lived in a small quite town I was able to go jogging at 9 sometimes 10 o’clock at night. Eventually I lost the weight and went back down to 140 pounds. In the end of course I went back to my old habits, and I started working 12 hour shifts and all I did was eat. So before I packed up to Move to Calgary (Originally from Toronto or the outside of it) I was back at 155 pounds in 2008.
I ended up meeting a wonderful psychotic pathological abusive liar my first year out in Calgary and found myself over the two year span up to 180 pounds, food became my comfort when it came to him. If I was feeling down, I would eat and eat because I felt satified for whatever it was I was missing. I never used to be the girl who would allow a guy to get in her way, to stop her. I always was strong and when I met him I allowed him to to completely distroy me. I was absolutely in love, I don’t think I ever had loved someone so much in my life and when he finally left me a part of me died. A part of my which I’ll never get back and I had to start from scratch.
So I moved back home at the age of 25 and you could imagine the complete utter failure I felt. I was once this strong amazing girl who packed her bags up and moved across the country. To this fat, sad girl who thought she failed at life all because she finally realized for the first time in her life she needed support from her friends and family, that she couldn’t just do it all on her own. Everyone had commented on how fat I had gotten even my own mother couldn’t believe it. After a month of not working, being in self pity depressed my mother decided enough was enough. So I grab my old job back at Tim Hortons and began my weight loss journey all over again. I made new friends, rekindled with old friends and had tones of support.
The ex continued to contact me with his lies, of loving me and completely broke me one last time before I decided to say enough is enough…this is done, it’s over and I deserved better. 6 months later I packed up again and moved back to Calgary, I realized I missed it. I missed out on so much being with that jackass that I didn’t get to enjoy life while I was out here. The company I was working for before I quit gave me another job within the company and I was on my way back to Calgary. I had only lost about 18 pounds when I first came out here in 2010. Then dropped another 10 pounds. I was stuck at 158 for the longest time, and then I met a boy.
It seems I continue to fall for the chubby cute guys who feel the need to constantly eat out. Well that relationship was an on and off complicated one. I ended up getting down to 150 pounds, grabbed two more jobs ontop of my one and began working 7 days a week with no time for myself. It wasn’t long before I realized I was back up to 165. I was not happy, but at the same time I was not willing to do anything about it. So here I am 2012, after a couple of therapy sessions, removed the toxic people in my life and starting over and fresh at a wonderful 170 pounds. Could be worse, I could have allowed myself to continue on going up past 180, maybe into the 200…but that’s not the case here.
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