I am sad to say that I am back to the starting line. I’ve gained back all I’ve lost and stand at 260. What was harder to realize was my behavior that has set me back. The other night I grabbed something “quick” to eat and that only resulted in me eating TWO hamburger, one of which was a double meat. At the time while I ate the burgers it was like I wasn’t really present nor was I actually tasting the food. It just went in and down, like shots. I felt so disgusted afterwards, not only with the food but with myself. I learned real quick that eating like that was filling my boredom, not my hunger. It was huge to recognize this for me. Two nights later I found myself wandering the kitchen looking for something to eat. Not because I was hungry but because I had nothing to really do. The only difference was I tapped into this feeling and before I knew it I found myself something to do…something that didn’t involve me eating.
I am learning to be more present in my eating and my feelings of hunger. I am trying to eat three meals a day with two snacks in between. That had works before and helped me feel satisfied and full. My sugars continue to be high duh and will take a week or so to look really good. When I was first diagnosis diabetic I remember feeling really motivated to get off my meds, lose weight and get healthy. Somewhere along the way I lost that motivation and need to get back the basics. Here is to smaller steps and stronger moments.
Posted on January 26th, 2010 by drkhairbonita83
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(side note, i had already wrote this blog and then poof it was gone)
That is how I’ve been feeling lately. I can literally feel the fluff around my tummy area and it makes me sad. The holidays put a big wrench in my workout schedule, not an excuse just reality, and now i’m struggling to get back on. I am grateful however that my work out buddy is just as excited to get back on track. I am continuing to struggle with learning to live at home and trying to not be emeshed. Any suggestions are more than welcomed. I bought a new work out video the other day and haven’t been able to use it just yet. It seems that there is always someone in the living room….
I feel that I need to throw myself full hearted into this weight loss thing. I also feel it makes most sense to me to take it one month at a time. I like doing something, not paying attention and then before I know it I have the result i’ve been looking for! I used to do this with essays, I’d keep them single space. After writing awhile I’d make it double space and I was near my page requirement. This may sound silly, maybe even stupid, but it works for me! I must also learn to make it a life change, not a temporary fix.
I applied to grad school and x my fingers I get into UW MSW program. I so very much miss living in a big city. I also do not want to start the next chapter fat. My short term goals include weighing in weekly and goal date of Aug 15th. I will weigh in every monday and do a post with the number and blood sugar. I will also do a lil writting and whatever else inspires me! See you Monday!
Have a great weekend and make good choices! 
Drkhairbonita
Posted on January 22nd, 2010 by drkhairbonita83
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I have not been writing, obviously…BUT good things have happened. I have been walking consistantly with my work out buddy and have noticed changes. Last time I wrote I was down 5 pounds and stayed at 255 for a week or two. This morning my scale read I was down two more pounds. I had set a goal of being down 7-10 pounds by NYE! I’ve accomplished that goal but would like to reach the 10 pounds! I think I could have such better numbers if my eating matched my work outs! That will be something I will continue to work on. I was trolling the 20’s forum and came across a new B.L challenge…I wanted to join but found myself feeling scared to do so! Given it isn’t the TV show and there is no money involved but I was totally terrified I would lose NO weight and let my team down. I recognized this is deeper than some 3fathchicks challenge and started to think about it! I’m still working out my issue but by the time I had scrounged up the guts to do it it was too late. I am determined to do the next one! I think my best bet is to keep my goals small, like 5 or 7 pounds every month. Big numbers are over whelming and I feel set myself up to give up! I’m about to turn 26 and can’t imagine starting grad school fat and waiting for another birthday in fat jeans! I want to live the life I want and not let my weight hold me back! I need to start diggin at these fears that are keeping me from being thinner. So here’s to this very long journey!
Posted on December 16th, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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This morning my sugar was 115! I was so excited to see that! I felt so great and motivated I went on a walk! I came back and had a tasty omlete with cilantro, tomato, onion, avacado and mushrooms! According to my scale (I pray its not lying) i’m down 5 pounds! It will continue to go down as i continue to work hard!
My after meal sugar read was great too, 150 and normal is 120-160. I would love to write more but i gatta go to work. I’ll try to write tonight!
Posted on December 1st, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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Today I had 3 pieces of pie…..really. I didn’t make much of an effort to get moving, rather i laid around because I need the “rest and am enjoying my days off”. I’m going to have to make up for this because lets face it, nobody has ever gotten healthy and skinny eatting pie. I failed at the holiday eating challenge. I guess I will have to acutally come up with a plan for Christmas.
I watched the Biggest Loser last night (Tivo I <3 you) and was in aw of the people on there. It is truly amazing how someone can look SOOO different after weight loss. Some of those people don’t even look like themselves. When I watch the show I wonder what I would look like skinny; how much I would really change. Then i watched the “where are they now” episode and saw that one season winner had gained all the weight back. Hearing him talk about it really made me realize how much of a battle it is. For the longest time I always thought i was over weight because I just didn’t move enough. I did not feel like I could relate to my buddy who has said more than one time “i just really love food”. Don’t get me wrong, food gives me comfort, it is so deep rooted in my culture and life but I had never fully understood that until last night. I need to figure out how to eat to live instead of live to eat…..
Make good choices!
Posted on November 27th, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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I’ve started work and it has kept me busy! It has also kept me really tired with all the crazy movement. I feel like I work out 8 hours a day. I am working in the bakery and I bend, twist, lift, pull and so much more. I think it has been helping my sugar but i’ve been bad about checking it. My neighborh also came to visit and mentioned that she would like to start walking again. She wants to lose baby weight and I just want to lose. So we went walkign one night and played tennis the next. I’m hoping this buddy system will really keep me motivated. Also, this job will keep me going! My eating habits haven’t approved as much as I would like. Always room for improvement! Thats it for now!
Make good choices
Drkhairbonita83
Posted on November 22nd, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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I’m excited because yesterday my sugar was 127 and this morning it was 123. They are still considered high but i’m pretty stoked that they are in the 120’s. They are much better than the 140-150’s I was pulling. This only inspires me to walk more and eat better! Now to figure out what to have for breakfast!
*Make good choices!*
Drkhairbonita83
Posted on November 6th, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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Today I again did not get to walking. Instead, I spent the day cleaning the kitchen, bedrooms and livingroom. The day left me very tired but in the end I feel like I did a great cardio class. I was all over the place, leading me to wonder; is cleaning the housing an effective work out subsitute? I didn’t get up as early as I had planed but early enough. I feel good about my high protien, low carb breakfast. My morning blood sugar was 132, still not good; that bowl of ice cream late last night was probably not helpful. Today’s mistakes consisted of not eating every 2-3 hours, eating too fast (when I did eat-does anyone else have this problem?) and not drinking enough water. Tomorrow I will try harder to stick to a schedule…oh I can’t wait to start working so I can buy my own groceries. Today I recognized there are some issues I need to think more about; slowing down my eating…I mean really i’m not in a race, timing meals better and drinking more water! I think these things will get easier again once I am on a routine.
!make good choices!
Drkhairbonita83
today’s food diary
1 hardboild egg
1 slice WW toast + peanut butter
coffee + cream/sugar
3 cups water
1 way to large sandwich (thanks mom) + chips + small serving of macaroni salad
2 diet cokes
4 sugar cookies
1 (more) cup of coffee + cream/sugar
(too many) chicken nugets +bbq/katchup
**side note to self–you ate too much crap today, make better choices!**
Posted on November 5th, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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It is 1:03 AM Wed. The latest Biggest Loser episode waits for me patiently on my tivo. Despite having a love/hate relationship with that show, I can’t help but feel inspired to get back on track each time I watch it. My sugar yesterday morning was 146 (normal is 80-120) and I did not stick to the plan of eating right. I didn’t walk like I had intended to, but I did spend the day cleaning the garage and moving things. Tomorrow/today is a new day and I will be more aware of what i’m eating, checking my sugar and making time for ME to exercise. Its not that I dont like to exercise, its that I dont make it apart of my day anymore. I must remind myself exercise is an investment in me.
Today I realized soon my grad school applications will be due and I’ll (with all luck) be starting in Sept! I DON’T want to start that new part of my life still fluffy! 26 is also around the cornor and that was never in the plans. I still remember at 21 thinking I would be healthier by 25. So there is no need to wait till Monday to start eating right, I will start today; Wednsday!
Drkhairbonita83
Today’s food diary
Spagetti
Coffee +cream/sugar (splenda)
Water (4 cups)
Long John silvers
ice cream
Posted on November 4th, 2009 by drkhairbonita83
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