Ponderings on my next step, and middle aged body changes

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(That’s a long title, isn’t it!)  I’m a little agitated today.  I’ve noticed now that when my TOM approaches, the week before, usually, I get a big weight gain, about 4 plus lbs.  And I’ve been inconsistent enough with the diet and exercise that I’m having a tough time telling when I’m on the right path, so I keep losing and gaining the same few lbs.  I’m pondering going to a local OA meeting, with the thought that it might keep me from overindulging, portion wise and in sweets (my bigger problem, really).

I felt so wiped out this weekend, I ended up not going to the gym yesterday :-(.  I exercised at home, but I know it’s not the same thing.  There’s some chance I’ll go today, doesn’t seem likely.  I think part of the problem is that I’m overtired.  I’m not sure if it’s TOM related or what; last week walking home I was all stumbly.  My energy levels are seriously sagging.  I’m sleeping well, and eating healthily.

I think it might be a combination of not being in as good a shape as I was, stress, actually working long hours, exercising less, and the changes in my body.  I seriously need a vacation.  I haven’t had longer than a long weekend off in a few years.

Well, I guess a good plan would be to have a list of pleasurable activities in the future.  S.O. is down lately, and revving myself up to go out and enjoy myself gets ratcheted down because of that.  It feels like fighting an uphill battle.  My activation energy requirements start to get daunting.

Here’s to pleasures aside from eating:  Exploring, traveling, crossword puzzles, knitting, walking/hiking, museums, botanic gardens, reading, shopping, gym, watching movies, yakking with friends, and so forth.

March begins — lions, lambs and head colds

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Ho, boy, so I get down to 252 (yes, down, I’ve been experiencing weight creep for a while now, then I’d go down, they creep up, down, etc.).   Perimenopause has entered my life in the last few years, this month I got all the symptoms of TOM, including a 4 lb weight gain, but no TOM.  This week, the lbs have already been falling off (official weigh in: Friday morning), but guess what, I caught a head cold.  I’ve been sick since Monday, took today off and haven’t exercised at home.  I feel stuffy and achy, yuck.  Even though my appetite has dwindled, I know the way of colds and weight loss (the two aren’t pals), at least for me.

I don’t have an interest in “giving up”, I’ve changed a ton of habits, eating and exercise wise.  I value being healthy.  I have problems getting bored with the foods that I know help with the weight loss.  BF does all the grocery shopping and 90 percent of the cooking, that makes it a negotiation.  He doesn’t need to lose a pound, and has a taste for junkier, higher calorie foods sometimes (and is a chocoholic).   Of course, I’m 100 percent responsible for everything I put in my mouth.   All the stress from changing jobs (got laid off from a job I’d been at for 9 years), starting a new one, upping the hours, losing income, having a commute — that’s all calming down now — AFTER a GAIN of (SHIVER!) 15 and sometimes more lbs.  I was down all the way to 237.  No question about it, I’ve struggled to get back in the weight loss saddle.

When I’m not losing, I don’t feel all that comfortable about posting at 3FC, which you’d think would go against its purpose, being a support.  I read, but post much less.  I’ve stopped feeling like a weight loss “success” or “doer” and that I’ve drifted into the “gained back some” category.  I’ll tell you, too, I NEVER thought that would happen.  I thought I had all the routine down to the point where I might not lose as fast, or even stall, but I wouldn’t GAIN.  Hey, it was possible, and I did it.  I’d say, during the work week, I eat and exercise well; on the weekends, I get the gym in and home exercise, but I overindulge with the food.  Not seriously, enough to slow or stall things.

The bottom line, I’ll keep going and find a way.  I’ll get over my cold, get exercising again, tone down the weekend eating, and plug away.  Not such a profound conclusion — well, hey, maybe it is.

Wintery days and ups and downs

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Ok, it’s been a long time since I wrote a blog post.  I’ve been going up and down with the weight, having a good batch of days, then having problems on the weekends with overeating.  I weighed in at 252 on Friday, which I don’t consider bad.  I am having trouble committing to losing this weight.  I have so much on my mind, and have been stressed out.  That plus the close proximity of Valentine’s Day candy hasn’t helped.  I want spring, and I feel it coming.

snow on tree in backyard

It’ll be just like starting over…

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Wow, I have on my exercise outfit right now, the yoga pants and Y-tee.  I can feel the weight I’ve put on over Christmas and New Years, in my thighs and stomach.  Ouch(!)  I told myself I wasn’t being that bad with the goodies I was eating, but truth be told, I ate pretty much what I wanted, with some exception, but not much.  I let the stress of the season get to me, and let myself celebrate with food.  We got lots of candy and cookies as presents, and we had champagne and potato chips on New Year’s Eve and day.  I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks.  I have a lot to make up for.  I did do some exercise at home, and the days I went to work, Tuesday through Thursday, saved me eating wise during the day (I take my lunch).  Plus, the extra workout of sloshing through the snow and ice, which definitely was a workout.  But January is here, the holidays are over, and I have to face the reality of getting off the extra poundage.

On the bright side of things, the New Year does make me feel re-energized and hopeful.  This past year has been sucky where weight loss is concerned.  I concentrated on work, and keeping my head together while I was readjusting to a new life and new people.  I’ve had a good amount of time under my belt.  Now I need to put my goals out in front of me again, and get working.

Happy Holidays…

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The holidays isn’t exactly “weight loss time” for me.  It’s a time of some stress, surrounded by treats, and I bake gifts, cookies mostly.  I did make knitted gifts this year too. (Here’s me in a scarf I knitted as a gift.)

And I haven’t had the energy to get to the gym:  weekends have been devoted to holiday adventures and errands.  I was up until 10pm last night finishing up a batch of rugelach (remind me to chose a simpler cookie next year, please!)  I also worked overtime 2 nights last week.

This has been a tough year.  It has involved a lot of prayers and tears and adjustments, losses, and sucking it up.  I always thought I could get through it, but it never felt easy.  A major life shift.  I knew it was coming; though I didn’t think it would fall out the way it did (losing my job).  I guess no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition…

So here’s to a beautiful holiday, that really represents the spirit of giving.  And to the  New Year, I hope it’s a good one, like John Lennon says, one without fear.

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It’s always somethin’

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Ay Dios mio, it’s always something.  Last week was good, I dropped some weight, I got back to the gym, I’m feeling good about being in control for T-day, then BAM! I catch a co-worker’s cold.  Me hates that.  I’m at home today with my knitting….

knitting

….and box of tissues, cups of tea and chicken soup.  Don’t have much of an appetite.  I’ll do some home exercise tonight; I know it’s not the same as the gym, sigh.  Ah, well, I’m headed in the right direction.  This is a (winteresque) hiccup.

My new sweater and restaurant choices

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So, here’s my new winter sweater.  Got a pair of jeans today too.  I needed them.  This is a Lane Bryant 14/16.  One of these days I will post a pic of me in a sweater that I’ve bought from a store that doesn’t specifically cater to larger sizes.

I had my TOM and my weight dropped.  Today after we went shopping we had lunch at a diner, I rather painlessly made a better choice than I’d originally planned (I had in my mind “waffles!” I got 2 over easy eggs with wheat toast, only had one piece of toast and ate bf’s tomato slices with my eggs; I had sausage too, but I chose that over the bacon, and didn’t eat all of it–really, the best choice would have been to have ham).  Not too long ago I would have had a cheese burger with fries (bf had a bacon cheeseburger) and would have consumed just about every bit of it.  Tomorrow I’m going to the gym after church, I haven’t been in a couple of weeks because of my leg injury.  I thought I’d recovered, got cocky and didn’t take it easy, and it came back again.  Since I walk so much in general, and go up and down stairs all the time, it took longer for it to heal.  I have been exercising at home, about 3 to 4 times a week, side bends, free weights, crunches.  That helps, but it’s no substitute for the gym.  I really have missed going.

Meals, diet cookbooks, the gym, and the farmers market

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I’m continuing on my quest to be more more plugged into the meals (bf does most to all of the grocery shopping and cooking).  I pulled out my Jenny Craig cook book last weekend and color tagged several recipes.  I handed him the book and said:  anything you make from here is ok.  He made a fish with red onions that was DELICIOUS (thanks, Jenny!), some creamy potatoes (ate that with chicken), some chicken nuggets with honey mustard sauce.  Was a good thing.

farmers market

We’ve been going to the little neighborhood farmers market after church on Sundays (went today), and that’s a very good thing too.  (This pic is actually from a couple of years ago, we don’t have these fall colored leaves yet this season.)  Not that I don’t think the supermarket veggies wouldn’t work as well, it’s more that we do it together, pick out things we might not have tried yet (variety has been a problem with the meals; I go crazy eating the same things again and again), and I do some of the cooking.  Today I bought a bunch of carrots and several types of apples.  I roasted the carrots with some red onions and potatoes (left the skin on), added coarse salt, pepper, fresh rosemary and oregano, tossed it all with olive oil.  It smells FANTASTIC.

Saturday I went to the gym after spraining/straining my knee and being out of commission gymwise for a couple of weeks.  It felt great to get on the treadmill again and sweat.  I did a couple of resistance machines too.  I decided to take it easy, since I’m just getting back up to snuff walking wise and definitely DO NOT want to re-injure it.  I miss the gym when I don’t get to go.  I’m so happy to be getting the leg back into working order, though it did still feel a little stiff this morning.  Guess I can’t expect it to heal overnight.

Ouchhhh, that had ta hurt!

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Well, I strained my knee.  The Wednesday before last, or thereabouts.  I wrapped it and iced it, then on Friday I thought the dang thing has disappeared (I didn’t feel it walking home from work), then BANG on Saturday I could barely walk.  It was soooo painful.  I spent all last weekend resting it, then all this past week wrapping and icing it AGAIN.  I have a 10 minute walk to the subway in the morning, then I have to change trains (involves going up a flight of steps, up a ramp, then up another flight of steps), then a 5 minute walk to the office.  Usually I get off early and walk for about 20 minutes, but I skipped doing that trying to get over this thing.

Yesterday I had the day off, and I’d been so good about the knee that I decided we’d go to the botanic garden.  The weather couldn’t have been nicer.  We walked all around the garden, then walked home, a lot a walkin’.  I was BUSHED, my stamina in just a week had seriously dropped.  Ok, and I was tired to begin with, was a long week at work.  The muscles feel a little sore today, but I can feel a definitely improvement.  I hate getting these kinds of injuries, where I have to pay close attention to give it enough exercise to work out the kinks and get it into shape again, but not over do it and prolong the injury.

Kind of maddening, because I had made a special effort last week to keep the eating on plan, but the screwed up activity level threw the weight loss off, I maintained.  I’m 4 lbs above my 245 ticker weight :-(  I’m chipping away at it, the weekend eating has been good so far (I’m halfway through).  Tomorrow we’ll stop at the farmers market, and pick up a couple of healthy good things to make.  I’m a little less into planning out dinners this weekend than last weekend, I still have last weeks list and we can use several dinners off of that.  Just have to keep plugging at this.

botanic garden rose

Achy Breaky this and that! plus, fall clothes

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Wow, last weekend I made it to the gym twice; good in general, yes, bad because I strained a muscle in my knee and had to ice and wrap it all week.  I’m sure it was doing the leg press — I decided I had to watch my form, and I kept up the same amount of weight and reps….ouch!  Monday I felt a little like crying.

I had my TOM this past week, after not having it for about 2 months.  That made my weight fluctuate by several pounds (yes, that freaked me out a bit).  It’s winding down now, and the weight it going back down.

I went to Lane Bryant and bought some DKNY jeans, a sweater, and new bras (the girls are a lot higher up now!):

First, I was surprised to see DKNY in larger sizes.  These are 18s, and they’re stretch fabric, but felt definitely snug on me.  I can see the non-fat chick in me wanting to come out.  The fat chick is having a hard time sticking to her eating plan.  Part of the problem is that I feel depressed lately.  The exercise helps.  And I had a talk with BF around things we can do, I think he took me seriously.  He went shopping with me today, we had lunch and then checked out the farmer’s market in Brooklyn Heights.  We had a good time.

In general, I’m feeling better with more energy.  I think now that this horrendous summer (weather wise) is coming to an end, it will be easier for me to stick to a productive pattern eating and exercise wise.

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