Achy Breaky this and that! plus, fall clothes

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Wow, last weekend I made it to the gym twice; good in general, yes, bad because I strained a muscle in my knee and had to ice and wrap it all week.  I’m sure it was doing the leg press — I decided I had to watch my form, and I kept up the same amount of weight and reps….ouch!  Monday I felt a little like crying.

I had my TOM this past week, after not having it for about 2 months.  That made my weight fluctuate by several pounds (yes, that freaked me out a bit).  It’s winding down now, and the weight it going back down.

I went to Lane Bryant and bought some DKNY jeans, a sweater, and new bras (the girls are a lot higher up now!):

First, I was surprised to see DKNY in larger sizes.  These are 18s, and they’re stretch fabric, but felt definitely snug on me.  I can see the non-fat chick in me wanting to come out.  The fat chick is having a hard time sticking to her eating plan.  Part of the problem is that I feel depressed lately.  The exercise helps.  And I had a talk with BF around things we can do, I think he took me seriously.  He went shopping with me today, we had lunch and then checked out the farmer’s market in Brooklyn Heights.  We had a good time.

In general, I’m feeling better with more energy.  I think now that this horrendous summer (weather wise) is coming to an end, it will be easier for me to stick to a productive pattern eating and exercise wise.

Hiking in an elevator

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that’s an Instance of failed ingenuity (Dara Weir)

I went hiking today. Well, I’d actually categorize it more as walking than hiking.  About half was on a trail, but something of a citified train, even though the NYS Parks Department owns the land the train ran on and through.  All total, probably I covered about 3 to 4 miles.  That doesn’t include the walking through Grand Central or my neighborhood here in Brooklyn, up and down all the stairs.  And Main Street in Irvington, from the train station to the trail, fits my definition of steep.  Yes, without question a workout.  Then once we got to Sunnyside (Washington Irving’s house), I walked the little trail loop near the picnic ground.  I tackled the easy direction, downhill.  Still, very vertical!  I went to the gym for a 1.5 hour workout yesterday.  All in all a very good exercise weekend. 

I’m a little sore right now, but not overly tired.  It feels good to be in better shape.  What would I feel like if I got rid of this extra lugguge I’m carrying around?  I’ll probably be ready to run a friggin’ marathon!

We’re passing out of lily season at the botanic garden. Here’s one I captured on digital camera before they all disappeared.white lily

My body, myself…??

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A topic of conversation that struck a cord with me at 3FC had to do with body image.  I’ve posted on this here blog various pics of my body and the weight loss progress I’ve made over the years.  I have more in my computer.  Not a ton more, I’m not super obsessive about it.  I find it bothersome, depressing, sad, annoying, boggling (all those things at various times), how differently I see my body at different times — I’m not talking different weights necessarily, either.   I want to feel comfortable with my body, and approach my weight loss in the most positive way possible.  I don’t want to feel insecure about my looks all the time, or need constant reassurance that I’m attractive.  I hate the obsessive, desperateness of that.  And I think it makes me focus too narrowly on myself and only brings unhappiness.  I will never be perfect with my looks.  I feel sometimes like when relationships or other parts of my life become a struggle, I narrow my thoughts and obsessiveness to my looks and weight.  I’ll even start to weigh myself obsessively.  It’s a bad combination, since I struggle with emotional eating, all that ball of unhappiness makes me want to eat.  Then when I eat, I maintain instead of lose, and I feel unhappy.  It’s self perpetuating.

Stop the madness.

Honestly, there’s lots more to me than just my looks.  I have interests, spirituality, brains, humor.  Love animals.  Have goals and dreams.  I’m generally kind and thoughtful.  I care about the world, my neighbors, my family and friends.  I love my bf, through all our many ups and downs.   I care about my health, and I exercise and eat healthily.  My body is PART of myself, and it has to take it’s proper place in that hierarchy, for the sake of my mental health.