I’m back from my 3-day trip to Providence. I wouldn’t say it was an eating free-for-all. I also wouldn’t say it was a diet conscious experience. I did plenty of walking, I also had my fair share of goodies. Ok, I’ll admit that I’m afraid to step on the scale. I’ll wait until Friday when I get a few days under my belt of eating on plan. Here’s The Breakers, the Vanderbilt’s home in Newport, we took a tour of it on Saturday.
One evening we all went to a buffet dinner. I was sitting with my sister-in-law and a young woman in her twenties, slim, tanned blond. The young woman made a comment to my sil about having three boys (I have three newphews in their 20s, one of them currently playing college football, one just graduated after playing football, and the third who played football and is working now). My sil replied, in front of me, well, you don’t want to have a 300 pound girl! The young woman said back, “That’s true!” And I sat there with my mouth hanging open, ha! I don’t think my sil meant to be purposefully mean, but I think she could use a little sensitivity training.
I took a longish walk today in the neighborhood (a couple of miles). The weather is gorgeous. I even sat in the little playground park for while, then headed back home. Eating was good today, except I did have potato chips with dinner (part of Memorial Day dinner). This Stella needs to get her groove back, weight loss wise. I’m very frustrated with myself that I begin to do it, then something comes up and I let myself get thrown back to my starting place, or worse, a few pounds above my starting place. Up five, down two, up five, down three. I’m in the 240s again, I don’t have the heart to change my 3FC ticker.
I’ll report my Friday weight, and start keeping track of my exercise efforts. I’ll do it here, on this blog. That will be a good start.
I celebrated my birthday Thursday. Lots of well wishing in the high caloric sense: my boss bought these amazing (small) cupcakes from a Williamsburg bakery. (Metropolitan Avenue in Williamsburg below.)
Bf decided to get a pound cake at the beginning of the week (what WAS he thinking??). I had two slices, then told him he had to eat the rest or throw it away. Then in-laws gave me a box of cookies and big brownie (none of that passed my lips, happy to report). Bf bought me a square of cake on the day itself as well. Whew!
Yesterday, as part of the celebration, we went to the Bronx Zoo, what a blast! We did a ton of walking, including getting there. I thought we could (easily) take the 2 or 5 train, but, as happens with the MTA, they decided to do weekend repair work and neither line was running past 149th Street. We had to get on a shuttle bus (standing; full of people and lots of kids), for about 5 or so stops. Then walk a couple of blocks to get to the zoo entrance. Once inside, we covered most of the park (the tram wasn’t running). We took the express bus to Manhattan home, I couldn’t believe the luck we had — it arrived just as we walked up to the stop. That took us to 59th and 5th Avenue, then we had to take the R train to get to Brooklyn. LOTS of walking, and a good amount of up and down stairs and standing. My feet and legs still ache today.
I did have some slushy (blue raspberry) at the park, and a gorilla butter cookie (split that with bf). Then on 59th Street I got a soft ice cream. I was not goodie free that day, no.
Today walking home from church we walked through a street fair. Good thing we ate before we did that!! The deep/fried and sweet treats abounded, as well as alcoholic beverages (which I try to keep at a minimum due to calories). I’m happy to say I only bought some glass jewelry. I managed to pass by the sausage and peppers, Brooklyn lager, candied apples, et al. Ha! Boy, summer in the city can be tough eating wise. Surrounded by all that stuff.
I’m still struggling getting back to the gym too. I didn’t put too much pressure on myself last week, since it was my birthday week and my schedule busier than usual (as well). I have gained a few pounds back, and I definitely want to nip this in the bud. Friday was a good day eating wise. And it felt good to eat that way. This has been an extremely difficult transitional time for me. Needing to get my energy back to start exercising again; trying to stop eating emotionally, to comfort myself; worrying about the future. I know I’m not alone in this world with those things, especially these days.
You know what’s funny? I’ve gone to Macy’s and bought a couple of blouses and pants, and like the way I look in them. That’s not to say I don’t want to loose weight. I do very much. Anyone who says this weight loss journey is simply calories burned versus calories taken in, is just completely on drugs. I find it to be extremely complex and confusing and aspects of it not at all easy to deal with. Well,. I won’t give up. I’ve come this far.
I found this article in Scientific American about refinded carbs being found to be worse for us health wise than saturated fat. Maybe now we can loosen up this crazy obsession with cholesterol levels (that are not as indicitive of heart problems and we’ve been led to believe), which I think has mislead people diet and health wise. I’m not saying people should watch the level of fat they eat. I do think doctors perscribed serious cholesterol lowering drugs to people to who may not have needed it. Heed my words, in the near future there will be a battle in the medical and public health communities over this issue, and in the further future a general acceptance that fat levels in the diet and cholesterol numbers aren’t as important in terms of future health problems like heart disease and diabetes as “once believed.” Which brings to mind the scene from Wood Allen’s Sleeper where he finds out, as a (mostly) vegan, when he travels into the future, that that scientists and nutritionists have come to the conclusion that cheeseburgers are the healthier food choice. Like the guy says in the (Verizon? AT&T?) commercial to his mom who’s spilling the fine print to the potential customer: “You’re not, you’re not helpin’!”
It’s easy to feel lost when it comes to knowing what to eat, what to believe is healthy and less healthy and not healthy. And then once you have that feeling like you have a something of an idea, or grip, actually doing it consistently. Then there’s getting past the psychological barriers, the bad habits, the stress and any laziness (I worked all friggin’ week with a boss who harangued me constantly, I just want to lay in a hammock and drink a beer and eat my dang Doritos!). Many times I’ve said to myself, Man, I’m such a lazy schmuck, other people are doing this! (and it only takes one half of one percent to be successful for me to feel like I must be the massiv failure because I’m struggling.)
I don’t write this as an excuse. I just would like to use it as a tool to figure out how I can be better at my weight loss efforts. Sometimes I wonder how serious I must be, if I’m dragging my feet so much to watch my diet better and exercise more. I am really tired and stressed out. So are a lot of other people. Rest assured, I’ll never give up. With that thought in mind, it’s time for me to go out into this sweaty Sunday and get my gym workout done.