Letter to My (Sort of) Former Self: The Long Goodbye

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Fitgirlygirl at 3FC posted this idea from an Idiot’s Guide to Weightloss:  Write a ”dear john” letter to your fat self.   Write your fat self a letter, thanking it for the good things it has done for you, explaining why you no longer need it, and saying a final goodbye.

I’ll give it a shot.  PFM = Previous Fat Me

Dear PFM,

You had the idea in mind to protect me, I get that.  Men can be scary creatures, you drove away most of that overwhelming attention.  You kept me sheltered, so I felt like I didn’t have to do things that might have proved too challenging.  I wouldn’t have to disappoint myself or other people as long as you were around making me feel like I had an excuse to sit on the sidelines.  You allowed me to stay away from the challenge of competition and comparison.   You made me the invisible woman in many ways.

It’s hard to let go of you, I still carry around some of those old fears, and you know that.  We’re playing something of a game, you and I.  I shut the door, push you away, but you linger, lovingly and protectively; I have to confess to you, I think we’re getting closer and closer to the time where you really should go for good.  I need to feel healthy, and happy about myself and my body.  I’m getting older now, guys don’t frighten me so much, emotional and physical closeness isn’t the big scary monster it used to be when I was a teen and in my twenties.   I’m in charge now, and perfectly capable of making sound judgements regarding my relationships.

It’s time you left the building, and let me enjoy being more active and to do fun physical things, I need and want that.  Bike riding, hiking, rollerblading.  Maybe kayaking, who knows.  I don’t have to do them, but I want the choice.  Go, go, go, PFM!  I don’t want to have to shop in stores that cater to larger sized women for my clothes; taking an escalator up 7 or 8 floors to reach the chunky woman department.  I deserve to have that girly joy of buying lots of regular sized cute chick threads!

You keep hanging around, this is getting to be a really LONG goodbye,  it’s almost embarrassing.  You sense my ambivalence, don’t think I completely sincere.  Well, you can understand that, you’ve been here a long time, I’m facing so much that’s new.  Of course, I’m anxious.  But like anything new, I have to face my fears and move forward.  It usually is never as bad as the fear makes me believe it is — that “fuzzy wuzzy under the bed scary creature” fear, bigger and more threatening than reality.

Don’t worry.  I’ll be ok.  I’ll remember you.  It’s just that, it’s time for you to let go of the reins, and let me take over my own life.

Love, Marge