Today we got a snow storm here in Brooklyn. I went to the post office (what a line!!!!), then to Staples, then to the gym (packed too). All the job stress is making me jumpy and agitated, I go from feeling like not eating anything, to feeling like I want to scarf down a burger and fries. I gave myself the goal of applying to so many jobs per day and/or completely job search related tasks. Yep, it’s exhausting, probably more mentally than physically.
Yesterday, we went into Manhattan to try and enjoy some of the Christmas going ons. We ate lunch at the food market in Grand Central, then looked at the crafts fair there. Despite the cold, we walked up 5th Avenue to see the tree in Rockefeller Center, watch the skaters for a few minutes (ending up watching the Zamboni for most the time), then walked through St. Patrick’s and attended the end of a mass. Once we got back to Brooklyn, we stopped in a new pastry shop and shared a piece of chocolate cake (a regal — pronounced ree - gal, I was told) and a coffee.
Yes, I still wanted to give myself an eat treat as part of making myself feel better. All of my family lives in California; I feel lonely and stressed out, probably a little self pitying. BF and I are trying to make the most of it, we have our ups and downs. I made chocolate chip cookies to mail to my brother (went out today, see note above about long line). I made the cookies small, and had 4 of them. More feel better eating. I felt like having eggnog with rum too. Didn’t do that at least. My weight’s been sticking to 238.
(That’s Adrienne Rich — quite a beautiful quote)
My boss this week told me he’s closing my office, which means after ten years of working for him I’m now unemployed. I have about three weeks. I have a home office, so I’ll have to pack everything to send back to him. He’s had ongoing health problems for a while now, but I didn’t realize how serious they’d become. He didn’t tell me everything either. I do have an interview suit, an updated resume, a couple of good references. It’s only been 2 days, so I’m still experiencing some freak out. Ten years is a long time to be at a place and to work for one person. I’ve had it cushy and easy. The times, they are a changin’.
At the same time, I’ve pushed through the 240 barrier, this morning my scale read 239.2. Part of that result I feel comes from the stress: lowered appetite, being more physically active from being hyper and freaked out. Part of it is the swoosh from the end of my TOM. Part of that is the result from my plugging at the diet and exercise. I’ve been wanting to see the 230s for several months now. It kind of took my breath away to see that number. I’m entering new territory.
Yes, this is the moment of change for me, and it is the only poem.
I got a yen to update my pic, even though I’ve only changed maybe about 10 lbs since the last one (I don’t really think the 10 down shows to any noticable degree). I took it in my exercise get up, a red tee I got at DD’s for something like $5 (was a men’s large), and my Land’s End sports pants that I wrote about before. I posted it on my photos page too. I’ll be heading out to the gym in about a half hour. Part of this blog entry is my way of procrastinating with my gift wrapping, they’re waiting for me in the other room, those naked presents, and the tape, and the paper, and the scissors. Plus, it’s raining, yucko. Me no want to go outside!
(That’s Tom Petty)
Ok, I weighed in today at 241.6. Groans, claps, neutral nods. The day BEFORE Thanksgiving I weighed 243 point somethin’, so it is a loss of 2 lbs after Thanksgiving week. I haven’t gotten to that ever elusive 240. I did have a talk with bf, and another lady friend of mine about this topic. It’s Christmas month followed by New Years, I will be surrounded by goodies and temptations, how do I plan on handling it? I know I don’t want to end up back tracking, but to expect myself to see serious losses now? is that realistic? People at 3FC post goals of losing 5 lbs plus this month, and I think to myself, wow, are they really going to be able to do that? I’m sure some will. Some people lost over Tday. Hmmmm.
I think for myself, it makes more sense to plan on maintaining. I don’t have any desire to pig out, or go crazy with candies, cookies, etc. I do see the holidays as treat time, I’m perfectly comfortable keeping it in moderation.
What do I know I will be able to do?
1) I will be able to keep up my exercise routine and go to the gym 3 times a week, exercising at home on the days I don’t go to the gym.
2) Work days, Monday through Thursday, I don’t think I’ll have any problems sticking with the eating plan.
3) ok, here’s my commitment, folks: any eating out will be done with the thought in my mind that I will make healthy, low calorie choices that fit into my plan. I’ve put it on the table, and I’m sticking to it.
I have no desire to have to work off 10 lbs after the holidays. Period. End of sentence.
Gasp, head shake, sighs of disappointment: I do plan on indulging in a few holiday treats, maybe some egg nog with rum; a cookie or two; panettone (light and I like it much better than fruit cake).
While I’m on the subject of food, I wanted to interject here that I’ve been eating more fish. Bf started cooking and making talapia. We eat that once a week now, he makes it with a mustard dressing, carrots and green beans, and rice. Sooooo gooooood. I made salmon a few times too; we like the talapia better.
I went to Lane Bryant today and bought myself a new pair of jeans. Maybe because my weight loss has been slow, ok, really, really, slow, heh heh, I actually felt pretty happy seeing myself in the size 4 Venezia’s (which I believe is 18). I am willing to have a 4 thrown at me rather than an 18, go ahead, play with my head to make me feel better. I actually do appreciate it. But rather than having that shocked at my fatitude reaction (that some women losing weight get because they’ve all of a sudden started seriously focusing on their bodies after ignoring their vessels of flesh for so long), I found myself noting how much BETTER I look. I remember being at those bigger sizes — yes, it’s been a few years, the image (ie mirror reflection and pain induced therefrom) still lingers.
The jeans will be wrapped by bf and put under the tree, as will my new Land’s End sports pants for gym use, love those things. I went the route of getting cheapo sweats at DD’s (a resale store), $5 a pop. I’d run through them fairly quickly. The sports pants last, and I feel like I look good in them. Tee shirts are ok from DD, I’m wantin’ the fancier pants, I spend enough time in them, heh heh.
Ok, I’ve now whittled down my gift wrapping time to about 20 minutes working on the pute here. Happy Holidays all. And to all a good night!