It’s a chilly, lovely Saturday. In about ten minutes I have to head out to the gym. I’m not weighing in again until next Friday. Instead of focusing full force on the scale numbers, I’m going to concentrate on eating on plan and keeping up my exercise.
I walk quite a bit, living in NYC. I go to the gym three times a week too, I do the treadmill for twenty minutes, then I do either the arc or elliptical for another twenty. On the days when I have time, I even take a mile walk before the gym (the gym itself is located six short blocks away, about a ten minute walk). That all means that I go through tennis shoes fairly quickly, I’d guesstimate two pair a year. If I lived in the best of all possible worlds, I’d have a foot orthotic because the muscles in the back of my feet start to bother me if I don’t 1) stretch them every day in the shower, and 2) wear shoes with good support. Instead, I wear good tennis shoes. Will this change as I lose weight? I don’t know. I’ve had it for quite a while.
I thought I could hold out until Christmas, have my new tennies be a gift. I couldn’t do it. My foot started to bug me (once the tennis shoes wear out, it strains the muscles in a weird way, I don’t think I walk correctly). I went into Manhattan with bf around 42nd and 34th Streets to shop, couldn’t find what I wanted, so I ended up ordering them online. Not such a bad thing, since shipping when I bought them got thrown in for free. It would have been the same had I bought them in a store. They came Wednesday, and today they get their first gym workout! I love getting new shoes!
I got het up this Thanksgiving. I put so emotionally into what I might eat this one day, I lost sight of the Big Picture. I talked to BF about this, before and after we cooked and ate that ONE MEAL. I’d started weighing myself sometimes twice a day. Sheesh. He said to me, if a single dinner is break it or make it for you, you’re in trouble. I realized he was right. Losing the weight wasn’t going to depend on what I did for Thanksgiving, it depends on all my choices all those other days.
This was our Thanksgiving Day bouquet. Disclaimer, the chocolates and brownies are strictly for bf’s consumption only (though I have eaten the chocolates now and again, have to be honest, this is my blog).
My thinking has to change. Not that I haven’t been working on that, and not that my thinking hasn’t changed tremendously. I confess that there’s a part of me that still feels like picking the lower calorie, better for me foods in certain situations — like when we go out to eat — is a deprivation. I want to treat myself. Sunday after church we went to the local diner and I ordered whole wheat pancakes. What was I thinking? With Tday coming too. I wanted to feel like I was treating myself.
I stopped with the scale (still weighed in on Thursday). And I made decisions about what we’d cook for Thanksgiving — it would have a special feel to it by the dishes we made, but not be the all out splurge we’ve whipped up in previous years. No yams with eggs, orange juice and a pecan, brown sugar topping. No stuffing with pecans and dried fruit. No baking pies. I bought a small pie that we shared from a local bakery. No bottle of wine, we got a half bottle of champagne. I made a special side of swiss chard with mushrooms that someone here gave the link to, was delicious! I did eat seconds and felt a little overfull after dinner — I’m used to eating much smaller meals now. Today, I’m back on program.
I’m calmer now. I’m not going back to weighing myself constantly. I want to do it once a week. I want to concentrate on not making those pancake type choices and being more consistent so I can get on the right path again and get my weight down. I do believe I can do it and that I deserve it. I’ve lost a freakin’ amount of weight already, this is a matter of making a life choice and sticking to it.
Being on the cusp of 240 feels downright painful. I weight in at 241.2 on Thursday, then my weight shot back up to 241.8 on Friday — and Thursday I ate spot on and even did extra exercise. I wanted it, I really did, to see that 240. This for me, has been a fast “decade,” I got in the 240s in June. To see that 241.2 did something to my brain, it made me feel successful, like I was doing it, and I could imagine actually getting down under 200. I know it’s silly, seeing myself going up not even a pound on my official weigh in day, I let that turn my head all around to where I had trouble envisioning my reaching my goals. Worst of all, I let it effect my eating yesterday. I didn’t go hog wild, but I let myself eat off program. I ate from stress too. BF had a fight with his dad in the evening, I grabbed a bag of microwave popcorn and chowed down.
Since this coming week is Thanksgiving, I wonder to myself how well I’m going to do staying on program and weight wise. I’m dang sick of yo-yo’ing in the 240s.
This is going to be a quick post, to say I lost 4 of the 5 pounds I gained when I went away for that long weekend. I’m proud of myself for doing that. Now, I have to stay good this weekend, keep my focus, and lose these last couple of pounds to get me out of the 240s. I owe it to myself.