When life steps in…and revisiting family dynamics

Posted by dragonwoman64 on August 11th, 2009 |Filed Under Eating |

I read a thread today posted by a woman who’s family and friends wanted to celebrate her birthday by taking her out to eat and cooking for her — it was just piling up into not one, but THREE days of “celebration”, which was making me a little upset — as she put it.  Tomorrow my sister in law and nephew plan to visit me, we’ll go to a local bar and have a drink and chat.  Maybe eat, who knows.  I’ll have to miss my regular gym visit, since I won’t have time between the end of work and meeting them.  That stressed me out because I want to get back down to the 242 this week (I’m at 245 right now).   Both situations I present above put into my mind that life constantly steps in with this weight loss process.  Eating is a social event; no, it’s not always possible to get to the gym 3 times a week.

I could order a spritzer, or carbonated water at the bar.  Seems unlikely I’ll do that.  I’ve had a very good eating week, stayed on plan through the weekend, skipped going out to eat, didn’t eat the “Friday popcorn” I let myself have.  Also seems unlikely I’d have more than one drink, I’m not a big drinker, and it’s hot (meaning the alcohol will go right to my head).

So if I were to face up to it, how many times have I let special and social occasions be a good excuse to eat what I wanted.   Many.  I deserve it, it’s fun, eating is fun, I shouldn’t deprive myself, weight loss is a life long effort, right?  I’ll go back to the program after X holiday is over.  Which I usually do, but how’s that workin’ for me?  Well, it slows down the process.  When I say process, I mean the rate of weight loss.  And when I say the rate of weight loss, I mean I’m extending the amount of time that I’m at this weight, 245 lbs.  I think that has to start be less ok with me.

My sister in law believes in eating healthily and being at a healthy weight.  She’s had 3 boys, and after each, worked most if not all of the extra pounds off.  She goes to the gym, goes to the track.  Watches her diet.  My brother, her husband, has no impulse control with his eating.  He’s gone to famous weight clinics, and even had gastric surgery, years ago.  He’s still quite heavy.  He has to take insulin shots, has a bad knee, a bad disk in his back.  All those things combined makes it so he can barely walk.  He’s 10 years older than me.

I know SIL will compliment on my weight loss; I don’t see her that often, so gym work and some lbs off since last year will be noticable to her.  You know what’s funny?  She’s usually the only one in my family that does comment on my progress.  My dad, sister (who’s heavy too) and brother more often than not stay mum on the topic.  And if I bring it up, it gets dropped fast, or else dad will say something like:  your sister did well when she saw a nutritionist, she should do that again.  Somehow the topic of my weight has always been that of which naught is spoken.  

My other brother used to tease my sister with some choice names: thunder thighs (she was thin and cute in highschool, when she was married; carried a few extra lbs in between, would lose them, then when she had her three kids, she balooned to where’s she heavier than me — that’s a mind boggling thought, I was always the big one).  He never called me any names. 

Maybe I just seemed too delicate and desperate to them.  Maybe the whole family had a type of denial around it, I’m not sure.  No one ever commented on how much or what I ate, my exercise level, or on my ever increasing girth and unhappiness/depression around that.

BF and I joke about my weight and body all the time (he’s nice and supportive about my weight loss efforts I should add).  I’m not sensitive to it now; yes, I guess I was super sensitive about it at various points in my life.  I guess I feel more in control of setting boundaries, and I’m more self assured.  Boy, it has taken work.  I hope I have the happiness and contentment about myself that other women here have when I reach my goal.  I’m still digesting that idea.


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