Eating, the topic of endless interest…Part III

Posted by dragonwoman64 on August 7th, 2009 |Filed Under Eating |

We are passing through the world.
This is some of what is does to us.
                    — From: Fleshly Answers by Rachel Hadas

The third, and last part of the series I want to write, heh heh, has to do with habit.  Eating habits.  Part of the whole tangled up ball of yarn that involves emotional eating, binge eating, compulsive behavior is simple ole habit.  You know, that knee jerk, how I’ve always done it, what feels natural, groove kind of behavior.  Habit can be like a glue.  It’s the evening, bf and I are sitting watching tv, lots of Burger King and McD commercials flash in front of our eyes.  Hey, he says, I’m hungry!  Ah oh.  My “friend” habit from the past couple of years (I put the quotes in because sometimes habit has been my sincere friend), whispers in my ear, Yeah, I’m a little hungry.  Cheese and crackers would taste great right now.  And I haven’t had that in a while, doing it in the past hasn’t hurt that much…

Um, yeah, it has hurt in the past, because I stayed in the 250s for about 3 years because of that kind of behavior.  Not horrible, not binging, but bad habit.   Breaking the bad habit groove for me, and I’m still working on it, involves several elements. 

1) acknowledging in the moment that the behavior choice IS NOT HELPING THE CURRENT GOAL.

2) I have to be an adult and make the responsible, adult choice, and not give into the momentary desire (because it’s not fulfilling a true hunger, it’s a food desire, an urge)

3) acknowledging to myself that I can make the leap of faith in myself, that I can do it, and reach my goals, I’ve already made enormous progress.  I can overcome my fears and anxieties around the whole weight loss process.

Getting out of the 240s into the 250s represented a move out of my BIG STUCK PERIOD (major happy dance).  Now, moving from the 240s into the 230s has opened up new territory, which is potentially loaded for me.  After I’m below 240 I’ll be in the weight range I was in college.  In a way, it feels like I’m redefining myself.  Every ten pounds has felt that way, actually.  Thinking of myself being in the college weight range makes me feel joyful, and hopeful.  So why do I have this anxiety and fear around it?  You’d think I’d be thrilled with the thought of getting my weight down to that point.  My current reasoning around it is that I still put this burden of “action” or “expectation” around the pounds coming off, which sabotages me.  And it leads me to emotionally cling to BAD/UNHELPFUL HABITS. 

My plan for dealing with this, and I do have one, is to zone out.  Zone out, you say?  isn’t that UNMINDFUL and won’t that lead to falling into bad habits and away from success?   Au contraire.  By unmindful I mean I’m going to have simple goals (stay away from the crackers and cheese, keep the eating out at a minimum, stay away from the chocolate, the wine coolers), and not OVERTHINK the weight loss and what it means for me to have a smaller body, i.e., what I THINK I’ll have to do once I lose the weight.

One last thing before I go today.  I’ve been heavy since I was in elementary school.  As an adult, I don’t even remember being below 200 pounds (that would put me in an “overweight” category, instead of obese, at my height).  So, even though it’s a good distance away, weight loss wise, the thought of being below 200 lbs feels like entering another universe.  In a way, that fact may be making it harder for me to envision success:  I’m not going back to something I knew, I’m achieving a brand new goal for myself.  Interesting to see how this will develop….(!)


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