Self sabotage

I’m not going to pretend that my story is as remarkable as so many of the people on 3 fat chicks.

Whilst becoming acquainted with the boards I have come across a community of people who have such patience and provided such great support for each other as they embarked on a long battle not only with their weight but with themselves. It has truly been inspiring.

I got obsessed with a number – probably in relation to my boyfriend’s number – I got upset about it. I got obsessed with another number that I felt what I wanted to be. Even though these might not be the healthiest of feelings, I take comfort in the fact that I took action healthily and didn’t resort to fads. I was committed.

However, I am now so close (only 2 pounds) and for the last two nights I have gone out clubbing and drunk a stupid amount of alcohol. Last night at 2am I had a burger and some chips (fries). The scale was kind to me this morning, only .2 pounds up.

But it got me thinking, do I not want to reach this number? This number that has been an obsession whether at the forefront or back of my mind for a while now.

I feel like I need to remember the reasons why I have been doing this for the past 2 months. I think if anything it will do much for my self-esteem that I can plan to do something and stick to it.

Right.

On plan.

From… Now.

Not a great start to June…

Ok, that’s not entirely true.

I step on the scale today:

122.6

Yay! Right? only 2.6 lbs to my goal. But then my boyfriend steps on.

138.2

WTF. The man boy is 6ft0in/6ft1in. It is ridunculous. That a BMI of 18.7. Which the stupid calculators say is healthy. I wouldn’t dream of going under 19.5 whilst maintaining.

Ever since I lost about 10 pounds, we agreed that whilst I was in the 8 stone range (112lb to 125lb) he would have to stay over 10 stone (140lb+) and that 9 stone would remain No-Man’s land.

I feel utterly betrayed by him and his supersonic metabolism.

Have a good June everyone!

3 more pounds to go

This morning I weighed in at 123 pounds.

Not long to go now.

However, this may be an uphill battle as now exams are finished.

Which gives me plenty of time to exercise BUT it also gives plenty of opportunity for all day drinking and partying. Which is not very conducive to a slim waistline.

I have grand plans to go out dancing but not drink. We’ll see.

I have two mini goals:

1. To reach my goal (120 lbs) by 12th June.

– this is the week of college balls at my university so I want to look tip top in my ball dresses

2. To be maintaining between 116-120 lbs by 26th June (my graduation)

Back on track…

After a week of fat days and with the university balls in sight (only 3 weeks away) I have started calorie counting again.

Although I only regained 2 pounds, I’ve worked too hard to let it slip now. Also when I finish my finals in 4 days (!!!) I will want to have a tipple or two.

So… since Saturday I have been having this:

Breakfast

Peanut butter on toast

Banana, strawberry and orange smoothie

360 calories

Lunch

Baked Beans on toast

Banana

350 calories

Dinner

Fish fingers

Italian style salad with balsamic vinegar.

330 calories

Snack

Anything amounting to 160-200 calories

Copious amounts of diet coke

and of course lots and lots of water!

Weigh-in this morning was 125, woop woop!

Trying to make myself WI every other day, but as revision is booring. I do it every morning, as it is something to get me out of bed.

Until next time folks xx

The story so far

Just a brief summary:

After a couple of weeks of hedonism in April I put on 7 pounds. Eek.

My mother lovingly asked me if I was ‘expecting’. No, unless you mean Ronald McDonald’s illegitimate food baby!

I was 135 and 5’5. Not too bad, but I’d never reached those heights before. And my manorexic boyfriend is only 140. Oh… and Summer and his girlfriend Bikini Season were meandering around the corner.

Something had to be done!

My ultimate goal is to go back to my pre-college weight. I was 112 lb but I’ve grown almost two inches since college so to make it achievable (and healthy), I am aiming for 119-120 which is a BMI of 20.

On the 11th of April I started my quest. First it was just using the Wii Fit and then there was a bit o’ calorie counting.

By the 13th of May I reached 124. The week after I stopped calorie counting and by 20th May I was back to 126.

And that is where I am up to now.