So I am seriously having a difficult time getting back on track. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Back the first time I really stuck to this diet….I was able to lose over 70 pounds. This time around I haven’t lost anything yet. I think I might be self-sabotaging myself, but I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe there is some underlying reason why I’m struggling with this so much. I mean, I KNOW that I want to lose the weight. I know that I felt healthier when I was down to 180 pounds then I did at 250. I’m not sure of my weight right now but I know it’s climbing and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m over 240 by now. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to stick to plan….
I live at home with my parents and although I buy all my own groceries and no one else eats my stuff, the kitchen is always a mess and I would have to do dishes and clean for and hour just to be able to cook anything, and then I would have to do more dishes when I was done. I guess that’s one thing that makes it hard.
I think I just got so sick of my go-to diet foods the first time around that maybe I’m having trouble getting strictly back on plan with those same foods now….but I am honestly such a picky eater that I can’t think of much else that I would eat.
I come home from work so exhausted that I don’t want to move and I basically become a couch potato…and then I see the weekends as my days to relax since I’ve been working every day all week…and I don’t get up and do much. I need to be more active.
I know my boyfriend has something to do with it. I love him to death, but for our entire friendship (over 8 years) which blossomed into a relationship about a year and 2 months ago….having fun was like a synonym for eating out. whenever we were doing anything together, we would always eat out. It’s just an EXTREMELY hard habit to break.
I have been diagnosed with PCOS. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it affects my weight, but my doctor told me it probably has something to do with all of the cravings that I get.
I just can’t seem to make myself want this enough….
I think I need to sit here right now and come up with a list of reasons why I DO want this…so please be patient with me. I’m thinking while typing…lol
- I want to be able to buy smaller clothes, instead of having to go out and buy bigger ones.
- I’ve got two words for you. Cute Swimsuit.
- I would like to not feel winded when I finally make it to the top of the stairs
- I want to be able to wear a cute Halloween costume and not feel like a cow.
- I want my confidence back
- I want to feel just once like I’m gorgeous.
- I am going to a friend’s wedding in October and I will see a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a few years and I would like to be smaller then the 200 pounds that I was when I graduated (by a lot, if possible).
- I’m not even taking an active role in my own life, and before I know it my life is going to pass me by.
- May 2012 I will be graduating from the community college with my associates degree, and I would like to look cute when I walk across that stage.
- August 2012 (hopefully) I’ll be moving back to Huntsville to go to Sam Houston State University. The first time I was there (my first semester of college) I got good grades, but I made absolutely no new friends. I was too shy and too self conscious. I sat in my dorm and ate and ate and ate, and by the time that semester was over I had gained 50 pounds. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want to adopt my healthy lifestyle before then so that it becomes a routine, and I want to be confident and outgoing and finally meet new people!
My hope is that when I come here and look at this list, maybe it will help to motivate me a little bit more. Tomorrow I get paid, and later this week I will be going to the grocery store. I am going to plan out every single meal I will eat for a week ahead of time, and buy everything I need at the grocery store. That way, if I stick to that list, I will save money AND I will be able to stick to my plan. Hopefully this will make things a little bit easier.
I can’t exercise right now, I actually have an MRI scheduled Saturday because I’ve injured my back….but I guess maybe some hand weights wouldn’t hurt. I just need to rest my back until the doctor tells me otherwise.
Oh, and I’m saving for an exercise bike. I should be getting it hopefully by like the end of july. I figure that’s a low impact exercise that I can do that won’t hurt my feet or my back. =D
Posted on June 14th, 2011 by divinefidelity
Filed under: Uncategorized