Having a Difficult Time

So I am seriously having a difficult time getting back on track. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Back the first time I really stuck to this diet….I was able to lose over 70 pounds. This time around I haven’t lost anything yet. I think I might be self-sabotaging myself, but I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe there is some underlying reason why I’m struggling with this so much. I mean, I KNOW that I want to lose the weight. I know that I felt healthier when I was down to 180 pounds then I did at 250. I’m not sure of my weight right now but I know it’s climbing and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m over 240 by now. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to stick to plan….

I live at home with my parents and although I buy all my own groceries and no one else eats my stuff, the kitchen is always a mess and I would have to do dishes and clean for and hour just to be able to cook anything, and then I would have to do more dishes when I was done. I guess that’s one thing that makes it hard.

I think I just got so sick of my go-to diet foods the first time around that maybe I’m having trouble getting strictly back on plan with those same foods now….but I am honestly such a picky eater that I can’t think of much else that I would eat.

I come home from work so exhausted that I don’t want to move and I basically become a couch potato…and then I see the weekends as my days to relax since I’ve been working every day all week…and I don’t get up and do much. I need to be more active.

I know my boyfriend has something to do with it. I love him to death, but for our entire friendship (over 8 years) which blossomed into a relationship about a year and 2 months ago….having fun was like a synonym for eating out. whenever we were doing anything together, we would always eat out. It’s just an EXTREMELY hard habit to break.

I have been diagnosed with PCOS. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it affects my weight, but my doctor told me it probably has something to do with all of the cravings that I get.

I just can’t seem to make myself want this enough….

I think I need to sit here right now and come up with a list of reasons why I DO want this…so please be patient with me. I’m thinking while typing…lol

  • I want to be able to buy smaller clothes, instead of having to go out and buy bigger ones.
  • I’ve got two words for you. Cute Swimsuit.
  • I would like to not feel winded when I finally make it to the top of the stairs
  • I want to be able to wear a cute Halloween costume and not feel like a cow.
  • I want my confidence back
  • I want to feel just once like I’m gorgeous.
  • I am going to a friend’s wedding in October and I will see a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a few years and I would like to be smaller then the 200 pounds that I was when I graduated (by a lot, if possible).
  • I’m not even taking an active role in my own life, and before I know it my life is going to pass me by.
  • May 2012 I will be graduating from the community college with my associates degree, and I would like to look cute when I walk across that stage.
  • August 2012 (hopefully) I’ll be moving back to Huntsville to go to Sam Houston State University. The first time I was there (my first semester of college) I got good grades, but I made absolutely no new friends. I was too shy and too self conscious. I sat in my dorm and ate and ate and ate, and by the time that semester was over I had gained 50 pounds. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want to adopt my healthy lifestyle before then so that it becomes a routine, and I want to be confident and outgoing and finally meet new people!

My hope is that when I come here and look at this list, maybe it will help to motivate me a little bit more. Tomorrow I get paid, and later this week I will be going to the grocery store. I am going to plan out every single meal I will eat for a week ahead of time, and buy everything I need at the grocery store. That way, if I stick to that list, I will save money AND I will be able to stick to my plan. Hopefully this will make things a little bit easier.

I can’t exercise right now, I actually have an MRI scheduled Saturday because I’ve injured my back….but I guess maybe some hand weights wouldn’t hurt. I just need to rest my back until the doctor tells me otherwise.

Oh, and I’m saving for an exercise bike. I should be getting it hopefully by like the end of july. I figure that’s a low impact exercise that I can do that won’t hurt my feet or my back. =D

One Response to “Having a Difficult Time”

  1. I have many friends with pcos, and one of the biggest symptons is weight gain/not being able to lose. Metformin (misspelled, i don’t know) is usually what is prescribed. It also helps you get pregnant (if you are trying), because pcos also makes it difficult to get pregnant. Do some research, and hopefully your dr. will help you with a plan.

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